Long was this sleep, short was this bliss
6 AM, Home
As I awoke to the familiar sound of my alarm clock, mind being hammered by the thunder of last night's various consumptions, I swiftly went to slam my hand on the buttons next to me. As I opened my eyes, instantly being turned bloodshot and weak, I thought it to be nothing more than par for the course when it came to these typical nights out.
"Figures"
As I sat up on my bed. Mind trying desperately to restart. Anxiety confused as to how it hadn't grasped my mind yet, the potent alcohol still flowing through my system made it dull, holding its ever reaching arms on my shoulders if but for a few more minutes.
Sitting inside my bedroom walls, going through the motions of what I could now barely remember of last night's antics, I felt a cutting sense of both happiness and regret.
Struggling to come to grasps with what I had just experienced. Thinking it nigh impossible for someone as lowly and unthought of as myself.
First thought that came to mind, as my anxiety wrestled with my consciousness, was how the hell I even managed to get back home much less still be physically intact. Scenarios of waking up to concerned voices, my head planted firmly in the sand played through my mind. Thanking myself for at least not being that far gone.
But more importantly than that was the memory still gnawing at my brain, letting it's presence be made well known.
A name. Her name. The girl I had slept with for a few fleeting minutes of the hours that had just gone by, her face, her smell, god, her taste.
"Rey…No. Rach…"
…
"Rebecca"
As I slowly put the pieces back together, I realised what I had just been through.
I had been blessed. Blessed by an angel.
Her tempting gaze, the only few things I could still see in my mind. Those blue, sharp eyes, full of pure lust and intent. This purity made whole into one being of perfection. Seeing her body in its absolute naked beauty. I had given this girl the most vulnerable part of myself I could give. I had been inside her. Felt her. Tasted her. Yet somehow, an important question was never asked during our time together last night. Having constantly slipped my mind, not stopping to think and ask even once while she was close to me.
How did this now obvious thought not come to my mind? Contact details. Phone numbers. Anything?
"Who are you?"
Thoughts now raced through my mind as I frantically tried to find my phone. Patting my mattress up and down, looking and searching for it so I could pin down exactly who she was. Her eyes still locked in my mind as I did.
"Ah fuck"
Falling down from my mattress as I collapsed onto the of
Found it
Probably having slipped off my bed whilst I was asleep, I quickly grabbed it off the floor, clicking the button on the side of it to open the screen. Five percent battery left, time plastered on the screen showing '5:10', I reached behind me to plug the charger on my wall into the bottom. Immediately getting to work trying to find this now mythical being I had seen. Checking through Facebook friends and blind searches, only remembering vividly those blue eyes staring into me. Those blue eyes shining like the night.
But fruitless was my attempt.
Sitting there, now feeling a shred of hopelessness flow through my mind. I thought. I wondered. I questioned.
…
Tye. Surely he would know something.
After all, it was his party. Typically being the people pleaser, the man of the hour as I saw him. Always trying his best to know and understand everyone around him, stranger or not, he knew his way around any conversation. If any of my friends knew who she was, it'd most certainly be him. Going through my past messages, I noticed a group chat I had recently been invited into.
'21st RAGER"
I guess Tye had set it up as a means of setting up the night, a place to meet, if anyone needed any alcohol or substances brought for them and just to generally hype up the whole affair. Definitely on point for him.
Scrolling through the other invited people, I still had no luck finding this mystery girl.
This was only a select few he'd chosen as ringleaders to this occasion, why I was even included in the first place I had no clue to. Perhaps as his way of bringing me back into the scene, forcing my hand to finally return from my cushy college life and back into their hedonistic lifestyles.
Still holding this girl in my mind as it raced around, thinking about our encounter now made prominent, I decided to do something I thought was drastic in my worrying mind.
Going to his profile specifically and hovering over the green call button at the very top of the page. Calling someone out of the blue I thought was only reserved for your closest friends, ones you could trust to pick up for you at any time of the day, sure me and Tye were good friends, but to call us the best of friends at least nowadays, would be putting it nicely at best.
Anxiety was now starting to take its grip back on me, slowly yet surely and inevitably.
Thinking of what I'd even say to him.
If he'd even still be awake or if he'd even pick up. Possibly disturbing him whilst in the middle of something important, a scenario I dreaded the most.
Yet still, I needed to know this girl more.
To see her again and even possibly, feel her on my skin once more.
Throwing caution to the wind, I slammed my finger on my screen, transitioning to the usual call page, his profile picture plastered on the centre. Posing in his usual attire of a baseball cap and grey Hoodie. Bottle of whiskey in hand, cigarette in the other. A persistent look for him no doubt.
Ringing through the speakers, I sat in my bed. Dreading the worst cases as I usually did as each ring made my heart grow faster and faster in pace.
What exactly was it that I'd say? If he even knew what happened between us last night? If he even knew her at all?
A few seconds passed as I was stuck in my head. Suddenly being jolted out from it with the sounds of ringing being replaced with the sounds of talking and laughter. Music blaring in the background. The sonic fumbles of someone reaching for the phone currently being contacted.
"Hey dude! Still awake huh?"
It was Tye. Slurring the sentence I just heard into my ears, clearly still intoxicated. Guess the party hadn't stopped for them, not remembering how and why exactly I left hours prior.
Mind now chasing after words to speak as his initial sentence was heard. Perhaps I'd just say my usual hello's, my general opening statements. Going through the motions until I had the chance to ask the question now burning like a pyre in my brain.
Opening my mouth slowly to finally make my decision, I was suddenly cut off.
"Rebecca was just asking about you dude! Come round. We're at the usual willow on Grove Drive Park. We got heaps of drinks left!"
Mouth still open, now even more so hearing what he had just said.
…She was asking about me?
"Sure dude, I'll be there soon"
Not hesitating for a second after I heard those words echo in my head. Anxiety fused with my libido raging with sudden intent to confuse and attract me at the same time. Call hanging up shortly after. Heart now racing ten fold. Seconds turned to minutes as all I could do was sit there, stale faced and immobile. Thinking. Worrying. Wondering.
Thinking about how this could be my chance to see her again, so soon being something I could scarcely believe. Thinking about her perfect body, her naked flesh, her soaking wet insides. Feeling her. Tasting her. Being one with this deity of pure perfection
The more I thought however, I knew the less time I'd have to see her again. This party would have to end eventually. Mutual words of acceptance to finish up and call it a day would be made known soon enough. I had next to no time to hesitate. Yet I still sat there paralyzed.
…
'Fuck it'
Grove Drive Park, 6:50 AM
It was around thirty minutes to get myself prepared. Ten to snap myself out of thought and a further twenty to physically be prepared.
Fresh set of clothes. My usual go to of a plain black shirt with my favorite blue ripped jeans. Deciding to go for my more flashy Nike basketball shoes I rarely ever wore, only bringing them out for the most important of drunken nights, or in this case, days.
Quietly exiting my house through the back door, as to not alert my parents.
As caring as they were for me, little did they know of my goings on with fellow friends, having to constantly make up PG excuses of studying sessions and pizza nights, not giving away the fact that there was far more adultery going on in my times away from them.
I'm sure they'd understand if they ever did find out, but that would be pushing my luck I thought in my head. Best just to keep them in the dark for now.
Walking toward the destination, no more than ten or so minutes away from my residence. I was well accustomed to the place where this continuation of festivities was taking place. A nice enough park for this suburb. Full of foliage, trees, flowers and small monuments. A perfect place to lay your head for an hour or two to soak in nature's finest. Zen for even the most overworked of salary men to rest their weary eyes, not thinking about any worries that the daily nine to five brang. Birds would serenade your ears with songs of the morning, the natural splendor would pull your eyes away from the concrete jungle just a few minutes away.
Yet peace I could barely have any more than a single letter for in my mind as I approached the main gates to the park, walking through into the paved walkways inside. Soon enough I'd reach the destination, knowing not what that would entail or bring.
The place of meeting was a willow tree. Branches holding long thin leaves big enough to cover the insides of its trunk, working as somewhat of a curtain. A perfect place to hide out during the night, acting as a sort of invisibility cloak for all your teenage intentions and actions. Less foot traffic around this area made it even more so. A popular hotspot for people like us to cause some chaos in this confined space.
Thoughts buzzing through my head as I slowly approached the tree in mind. Hearing the rabble of drunken conversations and music firing away from muffled phone speakers. Sounding like a makeshift pub as bottles clanked and slurring words ensued. Reaching the leaves covering this party's ongoings, Tye suddenly emerged from the inside, probably having heard me creep closer and closer as he went to embrace me. The smell of alcohol is still evidently present on his clothes and skin, as if the human embodiment of a nightclub.
"Yo! Glad you came bro, come on! We still got drinks left for you, made em save some for you!"
Anxiety now in full force, the lasting effects of the hangover I had initially felt waking up, now next to non-existent as my mind went haywire. Thinking of who exactly I'd see when I entered the fray once again. If I'd even see her again.
Tye grabbing my hand and leading me into the small depths of the willow leaves. Party was now made evident.
This rather small space, fitting probably no more than seven people at a time at most, two of those spots now filled with people drinking, smoking and talking away. As Tye introduced me to everyone else, both of whom I didn't initially recognize, perhaps being his new group of friends I thought he would've made in my absence. Saying our usual hello's with the complementary hugs of welcoming nature.
One girl and one guy in total, Tye hyping them up as I quickly sat down on the ground, awkwardly making my presence known. One major and concerning thought stuck out the most in this swirl of desperation and anxiety in my head. One made immediately known as I looked around the group, trying to find those eyes I once leaned into before.
She wasn't here.
Had I misinterpreted Tye when he said she was asking about me? Was it just a message sent from a completely different place? Or was it something more? Maybe she had left beforehand, having second guesses about my arrival?
Maybe she regretted having met me that night. Slowly coming to terms with meeting me again. Maybe she thought It'd be a too awkward to bear reintroduction. Having only exchanged a few words with me before jumping head first into sex.
Thinking back quickly to that one last memory I had before my mind shut itself down.
"I loved fucking you"
Why would she have said that if not true? Was it just a drunken regard? Or was she taking pity on me? Trying to make me feel better about my performance. Was I a bad lay? Bad enough for her to just up and leave before my face was known here?
Was I really that bad?
HAH!
FOOL FOR EVEN THINKING SHE LOVED IT!
ABSOLUTE WASTE OF A BEING YOU ARE!
SHAME ON YOU, YOU VILE, DISGUSTING CREATURE!
Thanks brain. Always so positive aren't you?
Okay sure, it was my first time, there was no denying that. I was your average shut in after all. But from what I could remember she had enjoyed it at least somewhat. These thoughts were now desperately trying to be answered with no substantial, factual information. Trying to cram through the reaches of my mind, like a stampede of panicking bodies pushing and shoving their way through a single door, every one as intent of reaching me first then the next.
Tye, having handed me a bottle of wine shortly after I had sat down to join, knowing it was my preferred alcohol of choice, was now greatly appreciated as I tried to clear my head through the power of intoxication. Each sip hoping to dull my senses and think rationally. She had probably just gone out for a few minutes, maybe to go talk in private with someone else. Noticing as I glanced around, both a purse and a blue backpack unattended in front of me, looking like they didn't belong to anyone here currently.
Minutes passed as I tried to wrestle with my thoughts while at the same time trying to not make myself look like a completely awkward mess on the outside. Briefly starting and stopping with conversations through the rest of the crowd here. Further fueling my toxicity levels with each sip from the green bottle in my hands, getting more and more frequent as time progressed.
As it did however, a passing conversation between Tye and his friend, whom I now knew to be called Arun, caught my ears. His red vest and black jeans complimented his somewhat posh demeanor, thick British accent made that even more apparent as he had constantly been glued to the screen of his phone. Only briefly looking up to acknowledge passing comments and sentences.
"Yeah, she went off with David to talk. Something about a breakup, don't know much else dude"
A breakup?
Thoughts raced once more, being quelled somewhat more than before as the bottle of wine finally started to take effect, starting to run my head through the motions, teaching it to behave more and more. Yet I couldn't shake the feeling that I had possibly just caught myself inside a love triangle. Something I dreaded completely. Being in a situation like that would send my barely sane mind over the edge.
But was this even the same girl I was thinking of in the first place? The same girl I was now obsessed with, thoughts of not being so now a figment of my imagination as my actions of even being here in the first place we're undoubtedly centered around her.
Finally being at the point of speech impediment via my anxious mess of a brain being dull enough to ask this question that had been flowing through the blood soaked rivers of my brain, I dared to ask Tye. Sitting beside me with a bottle of whiskey in his hand, myself now clenching at the bottle of wine within my own as I did.
"You guys seen Rebecca?"
Tye, looking at me with a somewhat confused expression as I asked him. Letting out a subtle smirk as he went to answer.
"Yeah dude, me and Arun were just talking about her. She went off with David to talk to him about his breakup with his girlfriend. He's taking it pretty rough, got pretty drunk. They should be back soon"
Are you happy now brain? You finally got the answer you wanted, nigh, needed. You made me ask it so there you go, thank me later.
No, thank me darling, you did so well
You'll be glad you did
Trust me
As I breathed a massive sigh of relief in my mind, I felt somewhat more relaxed. Tye noticed my change of expression and demeanor after hearing this, laughing as he did, leant in closer to me.
"Ya know, she usually doesn't do what she did with you last night. She's a pretty tough lay. How'd you even manage that man?"
Showing me a confused face, as confused as my brain was, now suddenly realizing that thought that I hadn't considered until now.
So I was the exception huh?
Face now blushing profusely, hands still clenched to the bottle in my grasp, Tye let out another chuckle as he leaned in even closer, hand going to rest on my shoulder as he did, comradery of close friends now in full view. I tried to reply as truthfully as I could.
"She just… Walked up to me and like… Well the rest is a blur honestly"
Hand in the air, as if I was swearing on the bible inside a courtroom. Judge being Tye, jury being the thoughts running through my head. Executioner being anxiety.
"Ya know bro. If you want her, you've got my blessing, go for it"
Still leaning on me, hand still on my shoulder, now rubbing it as if to egg me on, saying subliminally 'I know you want to fuck her again', as he was well versed in my awkward personality for years at this point. Bottle in his other hand as his finger started to point at two figures, their outlines visible through the curtains of leaves surrounding us, approaching to enter. His voice now whispers in my ears.
"Just treat her right dude. She's a tough one to get right"
Leaning back out from over me, turning around and crawling back to his friends, two of which had now just lurked back into the willow above us, daylight scarcely shining through the gaps from the opening as signs of acknowledgement to their return from all involved here were made known. Heart racing once more, mind now blank.
It was her.
Wearing the same outfit from our first encounter, simple black shirt and blue jeans, dark hair, blue eyes, not a single mark on her face, just as I had barely been able to remember, walking in with the man I assumed to be David, big, blocky, short hair, built well enough to be attractive to any girl, glasses over his eyes, assumed to be prescription based. As they approached, laughing and telling the others around as to what they had been doing before while they did, David confirming her statements with each passing sentence, I sat there, frozen entirely, wondering if she had noticed me already, drink in her hand as she went to sip from with every passing sentence exchanged.
Myself, not knowing what to do, almost instinctively finished the rest of the bottle in my hand within an instant, as if screaming for the liquid once more to give me the appropriate conviction and courage to speak something, anything to this girl now in full view.
Suddenly it happens.
Staring once again into those perfect eyes, locking exchanges, noticing each other in full view, she immediately stumbled toward me after we recognized who we were. Collapsing onto my legs as she looked up at me from the ground In front of me, smiling as she moved her hand toward my face. Caressing it with her gentle fingers, slowly from top to bottom, falling to the ground after she reached my chin, laughing as it did.
"Missed you"
Still frozen solid, ice forming around my mind, next move now covered in a blanket of snow, I bashfully tried to contain my now obvious expression, shyfully uttering what I thought to be an appropriate answer, stuttering awkwardly as I did.
"Y…you too"
As I stared down at her, beauty of her face made now even more apparent in the daylight, seeing every pristine aspect of it in full view, sobriety hanging on hopefully long enough to remember every second with this goddess, a mistake from last night I wouldn't make again, however yet to be decided as if it that statement were to remain true. My mind slowly feeling more at ease, pressure being released, I decided to once more be ambitious, this time feeling more comfortable with doing so.
She seemed docile enough for nearly anything to happen between us, friends around us still talking, herself interjecting her own remarks and sentences into the mix. Coaxing me to do the same as my confidence rose quickly, keeping her position on me. My legs now pillows for her head to rest, every so often my hands caressing her head like she initially did with mine. Leaning into it like a cat begging to be pet, her smiles as I did confirmed she was clearly enjoying it.
I had once again felt heaven in my hands.
________