Chapter 5: Auntie Vida's Midnight Prophecy
You don't know true fear until your aunt wakes you up at midnight wearing a church robe, holding coconut oil and a spoon.
I was deep in sleep—probably dreaming of escaping to Canada with my last sachet of Milo—when Auntie Vida burst into my room like the Holy Spirit during an altar call.
"Kelvin! Wake up! I just had a vision!"
I blinked. "Of what?"
She sat on my bed like a judge delivering a life sentence.
"You were sitting in a chair… but the chair had three legs. And behind you, a big chicken was crying."
I said, "Auntie, maybe you were just hungry."
She ignored me and poured coconut oil into a spoon like she was about to baptize my soul.
"You've been roaming, Kelvin. Entering spiritual traps. Cults. Trotros. Radio stations. You need deliverance!"
I tried to argue, but she had already started praying in a mixture of Twi, tongues, and what sounded like bad French.
I was half asleep, half anointed, and fully confused.
Then she said the scariest words ever:
"Tomorrow morning, I'm taking you to see Prophet OmegaFireLion Thunder."
I whispered, "Is that one name or five?"
She didn't answer. She just clapped her hands and said,
"Sleep well. It may be your last peaceful night."