---
Morning in the so-called "Abandoned Sect" began with a crash.
And a scream.
And then a very loud boom that shook their only functioning outhouse.
Wei Yun yanked open the door to see a half-burnt Yu Shuang lying in a smoking crater, holding what used to be a sword.
"Uh…" she wheezed. "I tried channeling Qi like you told me."
"…I told you to channel it gently, not like it owed you money."
Her face was blackened with soot, her eyebrows were now asymmetrical, and she looked so proud of herself.
"Did I… make progress?"
> [Alert: Your disciple just caused a Tier-2 Accidental Explosion.]
[Sect Hazard Rating +1]
[Please consider teaching her basic safety before anything else explodes.]
Wei Yun sighed. "Teaching sucks."
---
Having never properly cultivated himself, Wei Yun turned to the Heaven-Defying Tome's Tutorial Mode, which was 90% sarcasm and 10% actual help.
> [Welcome to the "How to Not Accidentally Kill Your Disciple" course.]
[Lesson One: Don't let her near explosives, cursed artifacts, or chickens with sharp beaks.]
"Good advice. Got anything I can teach?"
> [Based on your current level (Trash Tier Stage 2), you may teach:
Breathing techniques that won't kill you
Mockery-Absorption Martial Theory
Dodge Like a Coward Style (Beginner)
Philosophy of Pain: A Pity-Based Cultivation Manual]
"…Let's go with the breathing first."
---
"Wei Yun Sect Breathing Technique #1: Inhale without crying," Wei Yun explained, arms crossed.
Yu Shuang knelt before him, focused, face smudged, eyes determined.
"Good," he nodded. "Now hold it. Hold it... still holding... aaand now you're turning blue, breathe out."
PFFFFFF.
She collapsed.
> [Congratulations! Your disciple has entered the Early Qi Condensation Stage!]
Wei Yun blinked. "Wait, seriously?! That worked?"
> [Against all odds, yes.]
> [Her unique constitution absorbs suffering-based energy. She gains faster breakthroughs by experiencing hardship, embarrassment, and tragic training montages.]
"…That explains the enthusiasm when she fell face-first into the cactus patch yesterday."
> [Correct. She gained +0.2 breakthrough progress from that.]
---
Later that day, while gathering wood (and totally not sulking), Wei Yun heard a scuffle in the forest. Peeking through a bush, he saw a gang of rogue cultivators beating a one-armed man with a crutch.
"Give us the spirit stone, cripple!"
The man spat back, "Eat a lightning bolt, you discount thugs!"
Wei Yun couldn't help it. Something in his garbage heart stirred. Maybe pity. Maybe opportunity.
He launched himself out of the bushes with all the grace of a falling tree.
"UNHAND THAT DISCOUNT DISABLED HERO!"
The rogues turned, confused. Then burst into laughter.
Wei Yun tripped, faceplanted, then accidentally kicked one rogue in the groin again.
The universe had spoken: Nut-Kick Dao was his destiny.
> [Mockery Energy absorbed: +12]
[Fist of the Fallen Trash: Lv.2 unlocked!]
[New Technique: "Mocking Palm of Passive Aggression" acquired!]
---
After Wei Yun "accidentally" defeated the bandits using half-baked dodges, collapses, and sheer luck, the one-armed man stood up, wheezing.
"You… you're either a genius or a divine cockroach."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"What sect are you with?"
Wei Yun stood tall, blood on his lip, moss in his hair.
"I am the Master of the Abandoned Sect, where failure is our first step and humiliation our holy scripture."
"…You're insane."
"Correct. Would you like to join us?"
The man stared… then laughed.
"The world turned its back on me years ago. I got one arm, one lung, and no future. Sounds like I'd fit right in."
> [New Disciple Acquired: Old Crutchy – Real Name: Jian Wubo. Potential: Low. Determination: Max. Specialty: Inventing dumb cultivation gadgets and grumbling.]
[Abandoned Sect Level Up! Now Level 2!]
[Unlocked: Basic Cultivation Hall. Upgrade Path Available.]
---