Early morning mist hugged the Abandoned Sect's newly erected Cultivation Tower of Madness. The air was serene, the birds chirped with dignity, and the spiritual qi flowed like tea at a gossiping auntie convention.
Then—
BOOM.
A golden flying carriage shaped like a giant pen crashed into the clearing, flattening several decorative bushes (and also Crutchy's breakfast table).
Out stepped… The Inspectors.
One wore monocles stacked over each other—three layers deep.
The second carried a scroll as long as a river and as wide as bureaucratic disappointment.
The third… was simply on fire. Literally. Burning with the "Flame of Righteous Complaint."
Wei Yun stepped forward, robes billowing dramatically (thanks to Yu Shuang hiding behind a tree with a leaf blower).
"I am Wei Yun, Master of the Abandoned Sect. If you're here for a fight, I suggest we discuss it over tea. If you're here for paperwork… I will cry."
The lead inspector (Monocle Man) sniffed. "We are here under Article 143, Subsection 87-B of the Cultivation Regulation Codex: Illegal Spiritual Architecture, Ghost-Induced Disturbances, and Unauthorized Pillow Acquisition."
Mu Yao squinted. "That's… suspiciously specific."
The scroll guy unrolled the first ten meters of text. "You're also being audited for:
47 building code violations,
Improper spirit chicken storage,
Feeding a divine sheep dream mushrooms,
And… 'performing a seductive bamboo dance in proximity to a haunted battlefield.'"
Pan-Pan raised a hand. "That last one was art."
---
> [System Mission: Survive a Bureau Inspection Without Getting Your Sect Exploded]
[Reward: Sect Legitimacy License, One-Time Exploding Seal Waiver, and Possibly Not Dying]
Crutchy stumbled out of the bushes with stacks of fake documents.
"Here's our 'construction permits,' 'spectral relocation forms,' and this receipt for a divine pillow we absolutely did not steal from nap cultists."
Wei Yun handed them over with a smile so forced it almost broke the fabric of reality.
The inspectors flipped through them.
"Hmmm… these appear legitimate…" Monocle Man muttered.
Suddenly, the third inspector—the one on fire—let out a war cry. "HE'S USING FORGED PAPERS! INITIATE EXPLODING FORM SEQUENCE ALPHA!!"
Suddenly, dozens of papers flew into the air, ignited with spirit flames, and transformed into flying complaint scrolls shaped like phoenixes of wrath.
Xu Liang screamed and ran into a wall.
Pan-Pan began chanting the Dao of Defensive Bamboo Paralegalism.
Mu Yao summoned a soup pot and hurled boiling broth at the scrolls. It was wildly ineffective—but smelled delicious.
Crutchy threw a mop at one, yelling, "I OBJECT!"
The battlefield became a chaotic courtroom of qi. Spirit seals exploded in midair. Words like "Perjury!", "Statute Violation!" and "Inappropriate use of mystical goats!" echoed across the mountains.
And through it all, Wei Yun activated his ultimate skill: Shameless Argumentation.
"You dare claim we're illegitimate?! Our roof is feng shui-approved! Our outhouse glows with dao light! We even filed a Ghost Appeasement Ritual Form 7X!"
"...you made that form up!" the inspector barked.
"But did I submit it?"
The scroll stopped midair. The system dinged.
> [You have successfully confused the inspectors.]
[+10 to Bullshido.]
[+5 to Sect Reputation (Unhinged).]
---
Just when it looked like things would stabilize, the sky cracked.
A tear in space opened. Out stepped… a girl with thirteen eyes, floating above the ground, cloaked in black mist.
Her aura screamed "trouble," "cultivation anomaly," and "probably banned from five realms for being too weird."
She landed gracefully, bowed… and sneezed black lightning.
"Sorry," she muttered, wiping her face. "I'm allergic to divine pen ink."
The inspectors recoiled. "That's—That's—You're—"
Wei Yun blinked. "You're…?"
She pointed at herself. "I'm Ning Yao. Cultivator of the Forbidden Seeing Arts. I see through illusions, lies, and poor writing."
Crutchy whispered, "That's terrifying."
Ning Yao walked forward. "I've come to join your sect."
"Why us?" Wei Yun asked, stunned.
"Because everyone else said I was cursed and freaky. But you guys? You've got a tower made of spiritual accidents and tax evasion. You're my people."
Mu Yao fist-bumped her. "Welcome home, nightmare sister."
Pan-Pan gave her a bamboo flute carved with thirteen eye holes. No one knew why. He never explained it.
---
The inspectors backed off slowly, eyeing Ning Yao like she was a nuclear scroll.
Monocle Man finally said, "Due to… circumstances... and fear… we're giving you a Probationary Cultivation Sect License."
> [You are now officially recognized as a "Borderline Acceptable Sect"!]
[Rewards Unlocked: Basic Sect License, Spirit Supply Voucher, and the Right to Complain About Other Sects!]
They left in a puff of paper smoke.
Crutchy collapsed. "That… was the most stressful paperwork battle of my life."
The system chimed.
> [System Remark: You have survived bureaucracy. I don't know whether to applaud or exile you.]
[Special Title Earned: Sect Leader of Questionable Paperwork.]
Wei Yun raised his arms. "Disciples! Today we welcome our fourth member—Ning Yao the All-Seeing!"
The sect erupted into applause, celebratory soup, and spirit noodle slurping.
Ning Yao smiled softly. "Thanks. I promise I won't curse anyone… on purpose."
Xu Liang was already hiding under the table.
---
That night, as Wei Yun meditated atop the tower, the system issued a final ping.
> [WARNING: A powerful enemy sect has taken notice of your nonsense.]
[Sect Detected: Heaven's Radiant Blade Sect – Elite, Judgy, and Probably Handsome]
[New Mission: Prepare for Incoming Arrogant Young Master.]
Wei Yun smirked.
"Let him come."
And below, Ning Yao opened one of her eyes—just one—and whispered:
"He's already here."
---