The first day of the Month of Umbralis, and it's already getting chilly… Winter is coming. Guess I should cut some wood—can't let our little Asuna catch a cold. Heh. Dad said as he stood at the door, axe in hand, looking like a seasoned lumberjack. Benward and Meiroth were waiting outside, probably placing bets on how long it would take him to finish.
"Come home before dawn, honey!" Mom called out in her usual cheerful tone. As if dad was about to embark on some grand quest instead of, you know… chopping wood.
Meanwhile, Asuna was snoozing peacefully in her crib, completely unaware of the world's chaos. I sat beside her, just watching her tiny, adorable face.
"…Huh. It's already been eight days since she was born?"
Our house got fixed—again—after a certain someone caused some minor structural damages. The whole kingdom, in fact, got patched up under King Arthur's supervision. Seriously, at this point, that guy should start a renovation business.
Everything's running smoothly now… No demon lords, no overpowered nonsense, just a peaceful, NPC-tier life.
Finally.
My retirement arc has begun.
.....
Or so I thought!
BAM!
The door slammed open with the force of a mini explosion, making me nearly fall off my chair. Standing there in all her smug glory was none other than Rossy, hands on her hips, grinning like she just conquered the world.
"Hah! Guess what, Ryuk? I officially got my adventurer's pass!"
Before I could even process those words, a tiny wail filled the room. Oh no… Asuna had been rudely awakened by Rossy's dramatic entrance. Great, just great.
Mom rushed out of the kitchen, gently picked up Asuna, and started rocking her back to sleep. Despite the situation, she still managed to flash Rossy a proud smile.
"Wow, Rossy! You've already become an adventurer? And at just six years old? That's amazing! Just like your father, Benward."
Ahh, right... you could join the Adventurer's Guild as early as four years old—which, frankly, sounded like child labor, but nobody seemed to care.
Just ten more months, and I'd turn four myself.
Which means... ten more months before my peaceful NPC life gets absolutely wrecked.
I shuddered at the memory of my past life. Everything had been going smoothly until that cursed Holy Drop of Miracle Water entered the picture. That single drop had sent me down a path of endless monster hunts, kingdom-saving, and way too many dramatic last-minute power-ups.
This time, I'd dodge fate like a slippery eel. No miracle water, no OP quests, no world-ending disasters.
Just me, my peaceful life, and—
"Ryuk! Since I'm an adventurer now, I'll train you too!" Rossy grinned, cracking her tiny knuckles.
…Yeah. My NPC life was doomed.
"Ehh… but didn't you join the guild two years late yourself? You're basically a rookie, Rossy. Have you even completed your first quest yet?"
Bad move. Fatal mistake. Instant regret.
The next thing I knew—YANK!
"Etaa taa taa taa! IT HURTS, MOM!" I cried as my poor ear got twisted like she was trying to open a stubborn pickle jar.
Mom, in full-on "lecture mode," huffed, "You shouldn't say such rude things to someone who just wanted to be nice to you! Do you want me to teach you some manners, Ryuk?!"
"N-No! Sorry! Sorry, Mom! Sorry, Rossy!" I pleaded like my life depended on it.
Mom finally let go of my ear and patted my head. "Good boy!" she said with a proud smile.
Ah yes, my overly affectionate mother—gentle and warm 99% of the time, but a strict tyrant when it comes to manners.
So now what?! First, Benward yeeted me into the air and buried me in the ground in the name of "training," and now his mini version is about to do the same?!
Somebody help! My NPC life—no, my life is in danger!!
Before I could make a run for it, Rossy grabbed my collar like a stray cat and started dragging me toward the yard.
"N-No, wait! I wanna play with Asuna instead!" I tried to negotiate.
Mom, the one person I thought would save me, betrayed me without hesitation.
"Oh, don't worry, dear~ I'll play with her," she said with a sweet smile.
At that moment, I felt a level of betrayal no words could describe.
THWACK!!!
Rossy's wooden sword smashed into my shield with the force of a mini war goddess, sending me tumbling backward like a rolling potato.
Meanwhile, Mom sat comfortably by the door, Asuna on her lap, watching the spectacle with a happy smile—like this was some heartwarming family moment.
"Such a good bonding experience!" she chirped.
Bonding?! I was getting my soul smacked out of my body, and she called it bonding?!
Just as I was preparing to meet my early demise at the hands of a six-year-old battle maniac, fate decided to make things even worse.
BANG BANG BANG!
The sound of heavy knocking echoed through the house. A royal knight stood at the door, looking all serious and knightly.
"THE GREAT KING ARTHUR HAS SUMMONED SIR ALDREN BLACKFYRE!"
I froze mid-roll, still dizzy from Rossy's last attack.
Mom, still happily cradling Asuna, clapped her hands. "Oh my! What an honor!"
Honor?!
Why did this feel like the beginning of my NPC retirement?!
Ah, but Aldren isn't home. He went to cut some firewood for winter," Mom said casually, as if she wasn't just handing over critical information to a walking tin can of doom.
The knight didn't even flinch. Instead, he puffed out his chest and bellowed, "KING ARTHUR NEEDS BLACKFYRE BLOOD! IS THIS YOUR SON, RYUKARD BLACKFYRE? THEN HE WILL DO JUST FINE! I'LL BE TAKING SIR RYUKARD BLACKFYRE! EXCUSE ME THEN—"
Huh? HUUHH?? HUUUUHHHHHH???
My tiny three-year-old brain glitched. My body refused to move. My soul, already on its way out from getting bullied by a six-year-old war maniac, was now about to get forcefully evicted again.
What do you mean by 'taking my blood'?!?
Who the hell casually says something so horrifying to a fragile toddler like it's no big deal?! I'M ALREADY HALF-DEAD FROM ROSSY'S TRAINING, AND NOW YOU WANT TO DRAIN ME DRY?!
I desperately turned to my last hope, my savior, my dear mother. Surely, she wouldn't let this happen, right?
"Mom… save me…" My voice was weak, my spirit barely holding on.
She looked at me.
She smiled.
"Oh my! Such an honor! My son is truly blessed!"
She cheerfully hummed while rocking Asuna in her lap, as if I wasn't about to be dragged away by a medieval vampire disguised as a knight.
HONOR??? BLESSED???
WHAT PART OF THIS WAS AN HONOR??
A mountain of steel was about to haul me off to King Arthur's medieval blood bank, and my own mother was celebrating it??
My NPC life... was officially over.