BOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!
A shockwave blasted through the deserted area, sending dust, debris, and my hopes for a peaceful life flying into the sky.
"Hahahaha! Did you see that, Ryuk?! That is how you create art! The art of EXPLOSION!" Meiroth cackled like a maniac, his eyes sparkling with the sheer joy of destruction.
Right… My "training" with Meiroth. Just like in my last life, I was once again stuck with this explosion-obsessed lunatic. Not that I wasn't impressed back then—I mean, come on, who wouldn't be fascinated by giant explosions? But now, all I can think is... WHEN DID I EVER EVEN USE EXPLOSION MAGIC?!
Seriously, every time I got into a close-range fight with demons, they were too busy getting wrecked to let me cast anything flashy. And when I did have the chance to go all-out, I'd probably have blown myself up along with them!
I stared at Meiroth, who was already preparing another spell, giggling like a kid with fireworks.
Ah yes, training. Or, as I like to call it—"How to Get Accidentally Nuked by Your Own Party Member."
Meiroth, still grinning like a pyromaniac, proudly explained, "Alright, Ryuk! Just focus all your mana into a single point on your fingertip, aim at your target, and then chant to cast the explosion!"
I nodded, pretending to listen, but inside, I was screaming. Dude… I can already do that without chanting. In my past life, I spent years mastering chantless magic because I was too lazy to recite long-ass spells in battle. But sure, let's act like I'm learning something new.
Still… if my options were "learning how to casually detonate things" or "having my blood and thumb sacrificed to King Arthur," I think I'd rather stick to blowing stuff up. At least this way, my suffering comes with a cool explosion effect.
After an entire day of turning the desert into a fireworks show and nearly running out of mana, Meiroth and I finally dragged ourselves back to the kingdom's gate.
And there she was.
Mom.
Standing like a final boss near the gatekeeper, holding Asuna in her arms, staring at us with the Glare of Doom.
Oh crap.
We were late.
Very late.
I could already feel my NPC life flashing before my eyes. Meiroth, the traitor, casually stepped back, whistling like he wasn't involved. Meanwhile, I was mentally preparing my last words.
"Etaa—taa—taa—taa!!!" I flailed helplessly as Mom pinched my cheek with one hand while effortlessly balancing Asuna in the other.
"I told you NOT to be late!" she scolded, her grip tightening like she was molding my face into a new shape. "And what were those explosions?! The whole kingdom has been covered in dust all day! People were complaining! Do you two think this is some kind of festival?!"
I shot a betrayed look at Meiroth, but the guy was already pretending to admire the very interesting brickwork of the castle walls. Coward.
"I'm sorryyyy, Mom... Uncle Meiroth was teaching me explosion magic! I didn't know the dust would travel all the way to the kingdom..." I whined, rubbing my poor, abused cheek.
Mom finally let go, sighing like she was questioning all her life choices.
"Even though you two were far away in the desert, the dust still managed to reach the kingdom? Do you even hear yourself, Ryuk? You two literally blew up the desert so much that the wind gave up and just dumped everything here!"
I opened my mouth to argue but immediately shut it when I saw the bags under the gatekeeper's eyes.
…Oh. Oh no.
Mom crossed her arms. "Do you know how many nobles had to send their maids out to clean their balconies today? Even the Duke's mansion looked like a sandstorm hit it!"
I gulped. "W-Well, at least I'm making history?"
Mom's glare sharpened. "Yes. As the first three-year-old to cause a city-wide weather event."
…Yeah, I was dead.
I glanced at Meiroth, hoping for backup. He simply grinned, looking way too proud of his so-called "art."
Mom shot a glare at Meiroth and snapped, "AND YOU, MEIROTH!"
And just like that, the third strongest warrior in our kingdom—our fearless, explosion-obsessed, battle-hardened war freak—was on his knees, head buried in the ground.
"Maria, I'm sorry! I got carried away in the art of expl—uhm, I mean, in teaching your genius, brilliant, incredibly talented son!"
Mom, who had been ready to unleash hell, suddenly glowed with motherly pride.
"Oh, I know! My son is truly a prodigy, blessed by the heavens!" She beamed. "I can't blame you, Meiroth. It must have been hard to stop once you saw his overwhelming talent!"
Meiroth, the shameless fox, flashed me a cheeky grin as he smoothly escaped execution.
...I call favoritism.
Just another day in the totally normal life of a 3-year-old...
One day, I'm getting dragged off to sign blood pacts with the king. The next, I'm blowing up an entire desert in the name of "training."
And in all of this, I still haven't gotten quality time with Asuna!
Ah, my sweet little sister... the only pure soul in this chaotic world...
As we reached home, I washed off the dust of my crimes—uh, I mean, training— while Mom set the table. Now, with some time before Dad gets back from the guild and Mom busy cooking dinner, I finally had my chance.
It's playtime with Asuna!
Nothing could possibly ruin this moment... right?
Just as I was about to enjoy some much-needed brother-sister bonding time with my sweet, innocent Asuna—
BAM!!!
The door exploded open (okay, fine, it just slammed, but it felt like an explosion). And standing there, with the battle-hungry aura of a war goddess, was Rossy.
She stomped toward me like a final boss battle, arms crossed, eyes burning with the rage of someone who desperately wanted to throw hands.
"IT'S NOT FAIR!" she yelled, jabbing a finger at me like I owed her money. "One day, you're off having some top-secret meeting with the king, and today, you were out in the desert blowing it up so hard that even people in the kingdom FELT IT!"
Oh. Yeah. That... hehehe... oops?
"Don't forget!" she added, "I'm still physically stronger than you! Unlike you, I don't depend on magic!"
Ah yes. The humble brag. Classic Rossy.
"But!" she announced dramatically, "as your rival, I will give you a chance! Teach me magic! That way, I'll master it and THEN challenge you to a duel!"
I blinked. Once. Twice. Then stared at her like she just asked me to teach her how to eat soup with a fork.
"HUH???"
Ah yes, déjà vu, but make it suffering.
In my past life, this menace of a girl never learned magic—not because she couldn't, but because she never had the patience to sit through actual lessons. And now, history was repeating itself.
"Teach you? AT NIGHT? DURING DINNERTIME? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TAKE HER HOME? I HAVE A BABY SISTER TO SPOIL!"
But nope. Rossy was on a mission. She shoved a blank book into my hands with the force of a tax collector.
"Here! Write down all the chants in this! I'll memorize them by tomorrow!" she declared.
I blinked at her. "Huh? The kingdom literally has thousands of books on magic. Go grab one and study it."
She scoffed. "Ugh, those books are way too complicated. You write them in simple terms so I can understand!"
My left eye twitched.
Okay, okay, think. I could pretend to faint. No, that won't work. Maybe I can bribe her with food? No, she eats like a war elephant… WAIT! I could run!
The moment Rossy looked away for a split second, I turned and bolted for the door.
"NOPE! NOT TODAY, NOT EVER!"
Unfortunately, I underestimated Rossy's sheer athleticism. Before I could even make it three steps, she casually grabbed the back of my hood mid-dash, yanking me back like I was a misbehaving puppy.
"Nice try, but my dad taught me the 'Capture the Coward' technique."
"Oh great. Kidnapping lessons. Love that for me."
My life as an NPC? Dead. Gone. Buried six feet under.
My life as a big brother?NOT EVEN GETTING A CHANCE TO BE BORN!!!
I just wanted to play with my adorable, chubby little sister, but noooooo—Rossy had other plans. Plans that involved turning me into her unpaid personal tutor.
I glanced at Asuna in her crib, her tiny hands reaching toward me. My only source of peace, my angel, my last hope for a normal childhood.
But then Rossy grabbed my collar again.
"Come on, hurry up! My dad says real warriors never waste time!"
SOMEONE SAVE ME.