I stared at my phone for a full minute after Mia's text, grinning like a doofus.
I had a date.
Tomorrow.
With Mia.
And Marshmallow.
(A tiny land-piranha footnote that I was desperately trying to ignore.)
The system, meanwhile, was vibrating with excitement like a caffeinated hamster.
[Reminder: You still have prep tasks to complete!]
[Optional Bonus: Prepare a small gift for Mia! Reward: $250]
A gift??
Already???
Wasn't that, like, advanced dating?? Wasn't that Level 12 stuff?? I was still barely a tutorial character!!
The system, of course, did not care.
It winked at me and yeeted a mini task list onto the screen:
Buy a dog treat for Marshmallow.
Get something nice for Mia (flowers, a cute keychain, something small!)
Try not to panic and fake your own death.
(Okay, that last one was more like implied.)
I groaned, grabbing my keys.
"Alright, alright, you pushy little gremlin," I muttered at the screen.
It sparkled smugly back at me.
___
Imagine a man who has never owned a pet in his life.
Now imagine him standing in front of an entire WALL of dog treats, each more aggressively labeled than the last.
"Mega Meat Sticks!"
"Organic Yak Chews!"
"Bark-A-Roos: Liver Explosion Edition!"
I read the labels with increasing horror.
"Why does everything sound like it's either a medieval weapon or a stomach bomb?" I whispered.
The system dinged softly:
[Tip: Pick something pink and cute. Marshmallow is an aesthetic dog.]
I found a tiny pink bag that said "Princess Pup Bites" and had a cartoon corgi wearing a tiara on the front.
Perfect.
Princess Marshmallow would approve.
Next stop: a gift for Mia.
The system gleefully nudged me toward a little boutique that was so aggressively cute it was probably legally required to smell like vanilla cupcakes.
Inside, everything sparkled.
Everything was pastel.
Everything was terrifying.
I grabbed the first not-hideous thing I could find: a little keychain shaped like a latte, complete with a smiley face and tiny foam art.
Simple. Not too creepy. Good for a casual "Hey, thanks for not running away from me" gift.
[Gift Selected: Cute Coffee Keychain!]
[+250 Dollars Deposited!]
[Confidence Boost: +5 Charm for 1 hour!]
I felt the weird, fizzy buzz of the system's blessing hit me.
Was I becoming... charming??
Like, officially???
Was this how people with social skills felt all the time???
I was drunk on the power.
By the time I stumbled back home, arms full of pink dog treats and keychain loot, I was riding a high of accomplishment.
I tossed everything onto my sad little couch and collapsed next to it.
The system popped up one more time, smug as ever:
[Prep Tasks Completed!]
[Total Rewards: $400!]
[Bank Balance: $4200]
FOUR. THOUSAND. TWO HUNDRED. DOLLARS.
I cackled out loud, alone in my apartment like a villain in a Disney movie.
Tomorrow was going to be amazing.
Mia. Ice cream. Fluffy demon dog Marshmallow.
I was ready.
Sort of.
Probably.
Maybe.
...God help me.
The next evening, I stood outside my apartment building, pacing like a nervous squirrel, clutching a tiny paper bag of "Princess Pup Bites" in one hand and the coffee keychain in the other.
The system was going absolutely feral:
[Reminder: Smile when you see her!]
[Bonus Task: Compliment her outfit! Reward: $100]
[Warning: Excessive sweating will reduce charm points.]
I wiped my palms on my jeans so fast I almost caught fire.
Then — there she was.
Mia.
Walking toward me in a casual flowy dress, looking like an angel who had somehow stumbled into my trashy side of town.
Marshmallow trotted proudly at her side, wearing what could only be described as a tutu.
A TINY. PINK. TUTU.
I felt my soul leave my body.
"Hey, Allen!" Mia called, waving.
I panicked, and in the heat of the moment, did the worst possible thing:
I attempted a double finger-gun.
Like some discount cowboy.
Kill me.
Just end it.
Mia, mercifully, only giggled.
(Which Marshmallow immediately ruined by giving me the stink eye.)
"You look amazing," I blurted, words flying out of my mouth before my brain could stop them. "I mean, uh — your dress! You look — wow."
Smooth.
Flawless.
Iconic levels of verbal disaster.
DING!
[Task Completed: Compliment Her Outfit!]
[+$100 Deposited!]
Mia's cheeks flushed pink. "You're sweet," she said, adjusting her bag.
Meanwhile, Marshmallow stared at me like he was deciding where to bury my body later.
The system snickered:
[Optional Mini-Task: Pet Marshmallow right now. Show dominance.]
[Reward: 200 Dollars + Courage Boost.]
"Dominance"???
What was this, a nature documentary??
Still, I crouched down — slooowly, carefully — and held out my hand.
Marshmallow squinted.
Marshmallow sniffed.
And then, in a shocking turn of events...
He plopped his fluffy butt down and allowed one (1) delicate pat on the head.
DING!
[Mini-Task Completed!]
[+$200 Deposited!]
[Courage Boost Activated: +5 Coolness for 5 minutes!]
I stood up feeling like an absolute alpha.
Probably looked like a total dork still, but you know what?
Progress.
We set off toward the boardwalk, the setting sun turning everything gold.
It was... nice.
Way nicer than I deserved.
Mia told me about a new art gallery she was helping set up ("there's this one sculpture that looks like a giant shoe, but, like, emotionally"), and I actually managed to hold a real conversation without panicking once every thirty seconds.
The system helpfully dinged every time I said something semi-normal:
[Small Talk Achievement Unlocked!]
[Reward: +10 Happiness Points]
I was thriving.
I was killing it.
I was —
"OOF!"
Marshmallow suddenly lunged toward a food stall, dragging Mia (and by extension, me) halfway across the sidewalk.
Turns out, tiny dog = tiny war tank when motivated by the scent of funnel cakes.
I scrambled to help, trying not to trip over my own feet.
Mia laughed so hard she had to wipe tears from her eyes. "He's obsessed with fried food. Sorry!"
"No worries!" I said, definitely sweating through my shirt.
The system pinged:
[New Challenge: Buy her a funnel cake.]
[Reward: $300 and +10 Romance Points]
I fumbled for my wallet like my life depended on it.
"Funnel cake?" I offered, grinning like an idiot.
"Only if we share," Mia said, her eyes sparkling.
I nodded, probably too fast. "Deal."
___
Allen and Mia sitting on a bench, sharing the world's most aggressively powdered funnel cake, Marshmallow perched between us like a suspicious bodyguard.
Mia dusted sugar off her hands, smiling at me. "This is really nice, Allen. I'm glad we ran into each other."
Me too.
Me too, times a million.
I opened my mouth to say something normal — something cool —
when the system rudely interrupted:
[NEW TASK: Hold Her Hand!]
[Reward: $500 + Romantic Momentum Bonus!]
My brain blue-screened.
Hold her hand???
In public???
In front of the tiny, tutu-wearing dog that already hated me???
But $500 was $500.
And honestly...
I wanted to.
Very, very badly.
Taking a deep breath, I inched my fingers closer to hers on the bench.
Our pinkies brushed.
Mia glanced over, a small, secret smile curling at the edges of her mouth.
And then — she linked her fingers through mine.
Just like that.
Soft. Warm. Real.
DING!
[Task Completed: Hand-Holding Success!]
[+$500 Deposited!]
[Romantic Momentum x2 for the next date!]
My heart did a weird, happy flip in my chest.
Marshmallow, for once, did not bark or attack.
Maybe he was finally giving me his blessing.
Or maybe he was just full of funnel cake fumes.
Either way, I wasn't questioning it.
For once in my disaster life...
I didn't feel like a total screw-up.
I felt... happy.
Really, actually happy.
And for the first time, I realized something important:
Maybe the system wasn't here just to mess with me.
Maybe, just maybe...
it was trying to teach me how to actually live.