Today, I discovered Misa has a new hobby.
Not licking my face while I sleep, or stealing my underwear (that's become standard at this point).
No... today's hobby was: "Balancing on me."
I woke up to find her standing on my chest. Yes — standing, on all fours — staring down at me like I was some kind of premium feline furniture.
"Kyle…"
she said, tilting her head like a bored house cat.
"You're not moving. Are you dead?"
"…Misa, people don't start their day with a ninja dropkick to the ribs."
"Hmm… then how should I wake you up?"
she asked, starting to walk slowly across me — from my chest, to my stomach… and then…
Then she stood directly on a very sensitive area.
Very. Sensitive.
Every cell in my body screamed:
"Don't move. Any movement = disaster."
But of course — she moved.
She started bouncing — slowly — on her knees, right over the danger zone, as if testing the elasticity of something no one should ever be testing this early in the morning.
"Kyle?"
she purred, leaning forward until her face was right against mine, her warm breath tickling my lips.
"Do humans enjoy it when they're pressed here?"
she asked with the fakest innocence I've ever seen in my life.
I wanted to scream:
"MIIIIISAAAAAA!!"
But my tongue didn't move.
And my body? Completely betrayed me.
"You're so hard right here… like something's complaining,"
she said, laughing in that mischievous way, just before she did the deadliest thing imaginable:
She started bouncing in place — once… twice… three times…
Me?
I stopped believing in God.
"Oh, Kyle…"
she finally said, stretching out on top of me, rubbing against me with absolutely zero shame.
"You're such a fun toy... I wanna play with you every day."
She smiled, bit my ear gently, then leapt off with her usual catlike grace…
leaving me in a total state of emotional and physical collapse.
I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it:
"I'm living with a damn demon!"