Chapter 13: "Congratulations, You're Poor"
Alt title:Gold Coins and Shattered Dreams
Scene:Deadpool lounges in his crusty rented apartment, still fully suited up, still talking to himself (and us).
"Alright, 10k Gold. Two lootboxes. Nexus, show me the money!"
He clicks on the System Shop option that just lit up.
[DING!]
SHOP CATEGORIES:
Weapons
Armor
Skills
Potions
Consumables
Mystery Items
Deadpool rubs his hands together like he's about to rob a candy store.
He taps Weapons first.
First Item on List:
Basic Steel Sword – 500 Gold
"Pfft. Kid stuff."
He scrolls.
Next Few Items:
High-Grade Hunter Sword – 5,000 Gold
Magical Artifact Blade – 8,000 Gold
Vibranium Katana Set – 9,999 Gold
Deadpool freezes.
Stares.
Squints.
"Wait. Wait wait wait. Vibranium?! You have vibranium here? In this Korean dungeon-slaying anime world? What's next, adamantium umbrellas?!"
He shouts to the empty room.
"WHERE'S WAKANDA?! Show me Wakanda, you cowards!"
Deadpool sighs.
"Cool cool cool... so basically I'm rich enough to afford one shiny set of sharp sticks. And that's it. No skills. No potions. No hoverboards. Just swords."
He backs out of the shop with deep, dramatic disappointment.
"Ten thousand gold coins, and I'm still living paycheck-to-paycheck. This is just like real life. Thanks, Author. You're really hitting the trauma points today."
Cut to:Deadpool opening his first lootbox.
[DING!]
Opening Lootbox #1...
(He crosses his fingers, toes, and imaginary third leg.)
Reward:
Skill Book: [Taunt Lv.1]Effect: Makes enemies 200% angrier at you. Congratulations—you already do this naturally!
Deadpool slaps his forehead.
"Great. So basically I got a skill to get punched in the face harder. Awesome."
Opening Lootbox #2...
Reward:
Consumable: [Mystery Burrito]Effect: Unknown. Eat at your own risk. Seriously.
Deadpool stares at the glowing burrito in his inventory like it's a sacred artifact.
"You beautiful, terrifying mystery."
He hovers over the "Consume" button... but stops.
"Nah. I'm saving this for a boss fight. Or a really bad date."
Deadpool flops onto his mattress (barely qualifies as one), staring at the flickering ceiling.
"Alright, Nexus. So far, you've made me poor, armed me with anger skills, and tempted me with cursed food. You and I are gonna have a long, complicated relationship."