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Part 1: Welcome to the Tournament of Eternal Flavor
A majestic arena floated in a sea of soup-like clouds, its marble gates steaming with spicy intent.
Thousands of sects had gathered.
The Sweet Saber Sect polished candy-coated blades.
The Sour Dao Pavilion meditated in lemon juice pools.
The Bitter Abyss Sect just looked depressed.
Wei Yun, standing atop a spirit-empowered noodle dragon, stared at it all.
System cheerfully dinged:
> [Tournament Begins in 3... 2... 1.]
[First Round Matchup: Your Sect vs. The Sect of Salted Swords.]
[Warning: Their sarcasm cuts deeper than your average sword.]
Xu Liang immediately panicked. "Do we have sarcasm defense techniques?!"
Mu Yao cracked her knuckles. "I punch sarcasm."
Pan-Pan flexed. "I am sarcasm."
Wei Yun, reluctantly proud: "Then we're perfectly doomed."
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Part 2: The Sect of Salted Swords Enters
From the far gate, five cultivators strolled in, all wearing glittering silver robes and the most smug faces in the multiverse.
Their leader, a man with slicked-back hair and an aura of smugness measured in metric tons, smirked.
"Ah, the Soup Sects sent their leftovers. How brave."
System helpfully provided their titles:
Sarcasm Saint Lin Jue – Master of Passive Aggression Qi
Blade Chef Xian – Known for carving egos and roast duck
Salt Whisperer Yun'er – Causes emotional damage with a whisper
Crusty Uncle Dong – Literal uncle, extremely jaded
That Guy Who's Always There – Mysterious, probably irrelevant
Pan-Pan: "Do they come with a refund policy for that attitude?"
Lin Jue rolled his eyes. "Ah, the panda talks. How quaint. Do you also bite ankles?"
Pan-Pan: "Only if they're underseasoned."
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Part 3: Sarcasm Combat – A Deadly Art
The match began.
Round One: Wei Yun vs. Sarcasm Saint Lin Jue
Lin Jue didn't draw his blade.
He merely spoke.
"So, you're the 'protagonist.' Wow. Bold of fate to try something new."
Wei Yun flinched. "I'm immune to sarcasm. Mostly. Slightly. Okay, not at all."
Lin Jue unleashed Passive-Aggressive Palm:
"Nice soup energy. Very… peasant."
Wei Yun coughed blood.
System:
> [You have taken 70 emotional damage.]
[Resist or develop a complex.]
Wei Yun snapped. "Enough!"
He launched Knife Qi Symphony Slash, infused with Insult Retaliation Qi.
"Nice sword technique," he growled, "very nostalgic. Reminds me of low-tier filler arcs."
Lin Jue staggered. First blood drawn.
The sarcasm duel had become mutually emotionally devastating.
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Part 4: Everyone Gets Roasted (Literally)
Round Two: Mu Yao vs. Blade Chef Xian
Xian flipped a flaming wok and sent flying pork ribs at her.
She punched them midair and caught them in her mouth.
Xian: "Impressive. You punch food. How revolutionary."
Mu Yao: "Thanks. You toss food. Must be your personality too."
Xian tried to stab her with a Five-Spice Sword. She headbutted it into splinters.
System:
> [Achievement Unlocked: Headbutted a 5-star chef into therapy.]
Round Three: Xu Liang vs. Salt Whisperer Yun'er
Yun'er whispered: "Your tears lack flavor."
Xu Liang exploded into tears—then weaponized them into Salty Rain Blade Arts.
A new technique born from trauma.
Crutchy the Chicken nodded. "Truly, the path of sadness blooms here."
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Part 5: Enter the Fork Saint
Pan-Pan strutted into the ring.
Crusty Uncle Dong: "You're a panda. You don't belong in a martial sect."
Pan-Pan slowly drew his Fork of Eternal Crunch. "You belong in a daycare, but here we are."
Dong attacked with Jaded Uncle Rant Technique, a deadly art that bored people to death.
Pan-Pan countered with Fork Tossing Fury, skewering the uncle's arguments and pride.
Dong collapsed.
Pan-Pan: "I win. Again. As usual. Yawn."
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Part 6: The Unexpected MVP – That Guy Who's Always There
The last opponent stepped forward.
No one knew his name. No one remembered him ever being mentioned.
Yet, his presence was... unsettling.
Wei Yun: "Who are you?"
Guy: "I am That Guy. I am the leftover subplot. I am the filler arc. I cannot be removed."
Suddenly, an aura of forgotten relevance surrounded him.
System:
> [WARNING: You are now fighting a Forgotten Plotline Cultivator.]
[He is immune to sense.]
Wei Yun launched a combo of Stir-Fry Tempest and Knife Qi—both missed.
Guy teleported behind him.
"You should've remembered me in Chapter 4."
"NO ONE READ CHAPTER 4!" Wei Yun roared.
Crutchy, from the side: "He was right. No one did."
Mu Yao threw a ladle charged with Rage Qi. It knocked the guy into the bleachers.
He vanished with a whisper:
"I'll return in Chapter 377…"
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Part 7: Victory... and the Next Nightmare
The crowd roared. System cheered:
> [Victory! You have survived Round 1.]
[New Titles Gained: "Soup-Defying Sects," "Sarcasm Survivors," and "Fork Wielder Supreme."]
[Next Round Opponent: The Sweet Saber Sect.]
Pan-Pan looked horrified. "I'm diabetic."
Wei Yun turned to Sage Zhen, who was now somehow deep-frying a dragon.
"Any advice?"
Zhen: "Don't get stuck. Their sugar coating is spiritual. Literally sticky."
System popped in with a reminder:
> [Also, your next system punishment is due. You failed to meditate last night. Penalty incoming in 3… 2…]
Suddenly, Wei Yun's pants turned into candy floss.
The Sect of Salted Swords applauded.
Lin Jue: "Well. Sweet. Ironic."
Wei Yun: "I hate everything."
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End of Chapter 10.