JayJay POV
Maybe I should apply as a security guard. How much do they earn? Would it be enough to sustain my appetite?
I've been watching my mother for a while now. From the laundry area, to the kitchen, to the bedroom—only the bathroom is left for me to follow her into. She seems annoyed with me.
"Why don't you just stay quiet in one corner?" she asked irritably. "You've been following me around."
"I'm watching over you. You might suddenly disappear."
She raised an eyebrow at me. "Where would I even go?"
The police might suddenly take you away.
"You might get back together with your ex," I answered, and she immediately scowled.
"Why would I get back with your father?"
I narrowed my eyes. "I was talking about Andy."
She quickly turned her back and continued vacuuming her room. Just a little more, and it wouldn't be obvious that she's thinking about Dad. Just a little more, put some effort into it.
Wait, let me mess with you.
"What did you like about him?" I asked, but she didn't answer. "Come on, I'm just asking."
"He was kind, accepted me even though I already had a child, didn't expect anything from me, and most importantly, he loved me."
"DAD?" I asked in shock.
She widened her eyes at me. "I was talking about Andy."
"Oh, I thought you meant Dad."
She went back to what she was doing, and I secretly laughed. I let her finish before speaking again. I didn't want her to get annoyed and suddenly throw the vacuum at me.
She didn't take long; she unplugged the vacuum and leaned it against a corner. Then, she went back to the bed to fix the sheets and the things she had moved while cleaning.
"But you loved him? Even now?" I asked, and she gave me a sharp look.
I made sure she knew I was serious, so she assumed I wasn't joking. That's what she thought.
"Maybe, yes—"
"DAD?" I cut her off, and she almost threw the pillow she was holding at me.
"Damn you! Get out of here!"
"I'm just asking. Why are you so grumpy? Are you menopausal?"
She sighed. "Don't you have anything else to do? Do you really have to annoy me?"
"No, my brother is asleep, Aries is busy, and Aunt Gema went out with Uncle Julz."
"Just go study. You have an exam, right?"
I grinned widely at her. "Don't worry about that. I'm too smart for exams."
"Damn, you're so arrogant," she muttered without looking at me. "Must've gotten it from someone."
She probably thought I didn't hear that last part. I immediately flopped down on the bed after she fixed the sheets.
"Who did I get it from? You? Or Dad?"
She rolled her eyes. Clearly, she didn't want to answer, but I wasn't going to stop.
She continued fixing the things in her room. Then, she moved to her cabinet and started organizing her clothes.
"Come on, tell me, who did I get it from?"
She ignored me, so I repeated my question louder. "WHO DID I GET IT FROM?"
She seemed irritated by what I did. "Your father, for being so persistent."
"What? I don't believe you."
"Damn it, you ask, then don't believe my answer."
I almost laughed at what she said. That's exactly how I talk.
"Why? What did Dad do that makes you say he was persistent?"
"He kept coming back to the eatery where I worked. He would only buy one piece of candy each time, just so he could learn my name."
I held back my laughter. My dad was something else. Yeah, I guess I did inherit my persistence from him.
We really are father and son.
I stared at Mom for a moment. Maybe if Dad didn't already have a wife, things would've worked out between them. Maybe we would be a whole family now, and Aries and I would have grown up together. Maybe Mom wouldn't have killed Rodrigo and gone to prison.
If only they had met before Dad got married.
Even when she was already pregnant with Aries, Dad still fell for her.
I sat up and hugged a pillow. The look on Mom's face when she saw Aries' father came back to me. If I had known what he had done to her, I never would have brought him here.
"Mom, are you still mad at me for bringing Aries' father here?" I asked.
She paused and looked at me. "No. Why would I be mad at you?"
"I heard you and Aunt Gema talking. I know what that man did to you."
She dropped the clothes she was holding. She didn't take her eyes off me.
"Mom—"
"Get out, Jay. I want to rest." She cut me off.
Maybe I shouldn't have told her I knew.
I bit my lower lip before quickly standing up and leaving her room. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have let her know what I heard.
She didn't even want to tell me the truth about what happened to her and why she couldn't visit me. How much more about what that bastard Aries' father did? I feel like I just made things harder for her.
I don't even know why I told her. Maybe I just wanted her to share with me. Maybe I wanted us to have some kind of connection. She was the one who said she wanted us to get along, after all.
Come on, give me a connection.
It's so hard when she doesn't want to talk to me.
"Jay?" Aries called when he ran into me. "Why do you look like that? You look like someone bullied you."
"I'm just annoyed."
"Have you eaten?" he asked, and I glared at him.
What kind of question is that?
Is food really the solution to all my problems? Do I really look that starving to him?
"I was going to ask if you wanted to grab something outside. I bet there's no more threat to your life now that Ram is gone," he said, and my face lit up.
Well, there still is—Keifer's father—but he seems to have been quiet since visiting the hospital. So I guess it's safe to go out. Besides, what could stop a hungry person?
I nodded at him. "Sure, let's go. I need this."
He chuckled while shaking his head. I told him I'd just grab my phone and wallet. Even if there's no money in it, I still want to bring it. When I stepped out of my room, he was gone, so I headed straight to the living room, where he was standing near the door.
"Let's just take the bike," he said, and I nodded.
We went to the garage together to get my bike. He inspected it to check if there were any issues since I hadn't used it in a while.
"Is the tire flat?" I asked, pressing on it.
"No, it's fine. Let's go," he said, holding the bike.
He pushed it out the gate, got on first, and gestured for me to hop on the back. I did, and he immediately started pedaling.
It was already dusk. The roads were busy because of rush hour. Luckily, Aries was good at avoiding traffic and stuck to the side of the road. Meanwhile, I kept looking behind us, alert. I even saw a car driver grinning at me creepily. Look at this idiot trying to act cute when he already looks like a walking corpse.
I glared at him and just watched as his car drove past us.
We arrived at the mini-mart. There were a lot of people, so we had to wait for a while before going inside. Most of the shoppers were students from different schools. They were all so tall that it was hard to tell if they were grade school students or high schoolers like me.
But I thought some of them were college students because of their familiar ID laces. As far as I knew, the university was far from the mini-mart—how did they end up here? That was quite a distance to travel.
"There, bro. Someone from HVIS. Get her number," I heard one guy say to his friend. They were both college students and were looking at a group of our female schoolmates approaching.
I knew other year levels had classes today because not everyone had exams at the same time.
"Idiot, she's still a minor."
"She'd go for it. HVIS girls are easy," the other guy replied, and they both laughed.
I couldn't help but glare at them. I didn't know exactly what they meant by "easy," but I could tell it was something bad, especially from the way they were laughing.
These guys were scumbags.
"Jay," Aries called my name, pulling my attention away. "Stop staring. You might get into a fight."
"But they…" I said, pointing at the college students. "They called HVIS girls 'easy.' What does that even mean?"
I saw Aries' eyebrows furrow, but he quickly fixed his expression. He glanced at the college students for a moment before turning back to me and pulling me away.
"Just ignore them. Go pick what you want," he ordered.
I was about to protest, but then I saw another wave of students arriving outside. It would be hard to buy anything if there were too many people. So, I just grabbed what I wanted and wandered around the mini-mart for a bit.
Once I had everything I needed, I went back to Aries. I saw him holding his phone, seemingly taking a picture of something. Then he started typing.
I looked in the direction of whatever he had taken a photo of, but all I saw was the group of college students.
Why would he take a picture of them? Were they celebrities or something?
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Nothing, just reporting them to someone who can do something," he answered with a smile.
He handed me the basket he was holding so I could put my items inside. I laughed when they didn't fit because I had grabbed mostly large snacks. He had no choice but to get another basket for his own purchases.
Who was he reporting those college students to? It couldn't be Kuya Angelo—why would he care about some random college students? Unless, of course, they were bothering him… or us.
After picking up everything we wanted, we paid at the cashier. I laughed when Aries scratched his head after seeing the total price of our purchases.
He was the one paying for everything.
As we were leaving the mini-mart, I saw the group of college students again. I rolled my eyes at one of them when I noticed he was staring at me. He was acting like he was so handsome.
"What's her problem?" I heard him ask his friend, pointing at me.
Since we had so much to carry, Aries and I were forced to walk. I was the one pulling the bike while he carried our bags. I couldn't help but laugh at him—his arm veins were popping out because of the weight and the number of bags he was holding.
We had already walked quite a distance when I suddenly realized where I had seen those college students' ID laces before. We had visited that university once—the same university where I had seen Papa.
University of Eme.
I really couldn't remember the name of that place. Was I getting forgetful?
"Do you want to go home, or should we stop by the park first?" Aries asked me.
I didn't want to go home yet. So I quickly answered, "The park."
We changed our route, but he didn't tell me that the park was quite far. We ended up walking a long way.
By the time we arrived, I was out of breath and starving. The park lights were already on, and there were still a lot of people around even though it was getting late. Luckily, there were still some empty benches, so we easily found a place to sit.
"Food, food!" I said, grabbing a plastic bag from his hands before sitting down.
I immediately started eating before he did. He just sat beside me and took out his own snacks. We didn't talk at first since we were both busy eating, but when the crowd at the park thinned, he finally spoke.
"Your mom is going back to the province," he said.
I raised an eyebrow. "Our mom. And what do you mean she's going back to the province? She doesn't have a house there. Where is she going to stay? With Grandma?"
"Maybe. I just overheard them talking."
I suddenly had a bad feeling. It didn't seem like she was just going back to visit.
"I thought she wanted us to fix our relationship. So why is she leaving?"
Aries finished his bread and dusted off his hands. "Maybe she gave up."
I finished what I was eating and quickly drank some juice from our purchases. I knew he was hiding something. I just didn't understand why they had to make up stories. Do I look like I was born yesterday? Do they think I'm that gullible?
"I want to see a psychiatrist," I suddenly said, making Aries freeze.
"Jay?"
"I'm not stupid. I know Mom is facing a case."
He looked genuinely surprised, though he was trying hard not to show it. "Where did you hear that?"
"I overheard Kuya talking about it before. Plus, he mentioned something when he first took me to Dr. Claudia," I explained.
I had no plans of telling him that I learned the full details of Mom's case from Keifer. It might just cause another fight between them. They were finally starting to get along—I didn't want to ruin that.
"I know I'm the only one who can help Mom. It has something to do with what happened when I was a kid, but I can't remember it now. I want to remember so—"
"Stop it," he cut me off. "Kuya is the only one who wants that, but he doesn't realize how dangerous it is to force you."
"Then what am I supposed to do? Just let it be?"
He sighed. "Yeah, pretty much."
I ran a hand down my face. I even stood up and took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I was trying not to cry because I wanted us to have a proper conversation. I was trying not to curse or say anything harsh. But no matter how hard I tried, I didn't know what else to do.
There was no way I could just let my mom go to prison!
"Is your hatred for our mom that strong that you're willing to let her be imprisoned?" I asked, keeping my voice steady, even as my tears threatened to fall.
"That's not the reason," he said, looking down with his elbows resting on his knees. "I don't know if Kuya is just ignoring it or if it hasn't crossed his mind yet, but the court might not even accept your statement."
His words made me anxious. "What? Why?"
"Think about it. Do you really think they'd accept the testimony of someone unstable? I'm not saying you're unstable, but if the opposing lawyers can make it seem that way, they will. They're notorious for doing whatever it takes to win. Even your personal life and mental health could be targeted. What if they trigger your symptoms?"
I froze. I covered my mouth with my hand before sitting back down beside Aries.
He was right. He was really good at predicting things—even my possible fate in court.
Amazing. Maybe I should ask him for the next lotto numbers.
I remember in telenovelas before, lawyers would make victims cry in court, right next to the judge. Even witnesses were grilled as if they were the ones at fault. I probably wouldn't be able to handle it if they talked to me like that. I might even snap at them and get kicked out of court.
"What I'm more worried about is if everything comes back to you by force, your mental health might break. What if you have a mental breakdown? What if you completely lose yourself?" I could hear the concern in his voice.
I was right—if Kuya wanted my memories to return, Aries was the one against it. There was going to be a clash. Death versus Horoscope. An epic battle.
"But I want to help Mama."
"We'll find another way." He smiled. "We can still visit a psychiatrist. It's also good that we know your condition."
I nodded. "I want that too. But if possible, let's not tell Kuya."
He chuckled a little. "We have the same thought."
I smiled and went back to my food, finishing the bread I had grabbed. He did the same with the food he had bought, though he finished earlier since he didn't get much. I ended up deciding not to eat the rest and just take it home instead. He also suggested we go home since it was getting dark and our phones kept ringing. We just walked. It was hard to bike when you were so full. I glanced at Aries. I remembered what he said about making it up to me. I could say he had already done that. But maybe it would be different if things were okay between him and Mama. I should try.
"Are you really never going to forgive Mama?" I asked, and he glanced at me for a moment.
"In terms of forgiveness, I've already forgiven her," he answered, and I let out an "ohhh."
So he had already forgiven Mama. Then why weren't they talking properly?
"You already forgave her—"
"I forgave her for what she did to me. But not for how she neglected you," he cut me off. "If only she had been practical and had both of us adopted, none of that would've happened to you. You wouldn't have been hurt by the people she was with."
He didn't know.
He didn't know what Mama did to save me.
I wanted to yell at Aries and tell him about the sacrifice Mama made. He had no right to talk about her like that. If only he knew, he wouldn't be saying those things.
If only I could tell him. But I'd rather not say anything. I didn't want to assume things again, just like I did with Mama earlier. It might only cause a rift between us. So I chose to keep quiet about what she did.
But if I ever get the chance, I'll knock some sense into my brother.
"It's been a long time. If even I'm ready to forgive her, maybe it's time for you to try too."
He raised an eyebrow at me. His attitude was sharp again.
"What got into you, suddenly thinking of forgiving her? When before, the way you answered back, it was like you were the one who gave birth to her."
I winced. It felt like changing my mind was a bad thing. But I wouldn't deny that sometimes, the anger still came back to me. It would pour in all at once, like water. Maybe if I forgave her, that feeling would finally go away.
"Don't you ever feel it? That longing to be with your mother? It's hard to explain, but there's that feeling that no matter how big their mistake is, you still don't want them out of your life," I explained.
"It's the same feeling as people who've been cheated on by their partners."
My eyes widened, and he laughed. Was he really comparing my explanation to cheating?
"I'm just kidding... Yeah, I know what you mean. I used to feel the same way, but sometimes that longing fades as we mature and realize that our ties to our parents aren't always meant to be kept."
I felt like there was really no hope for him and Mama to make amends. I couldn't help but feel sad. They had been through so much. A second chance should still be possible, right? I had to push for this.
"It would still be better if you tried. Even just once."
He shook his head. "No."
I had to try again. "You know, the Bible says, 'Honor your parents.'"
He burst out laughing. "Not you using a Bible verse when you don't even fully understand it."
"I'm right, though."
"Yeah, you are, but honoring isn't a free pass for abuse or tolerating everything. Believe me, I can honor her while still keeping my boundaries."
I pouted. It was so hard to convince this brother of mine. Then again, if even Kuya couldn't get through to him, what more could I do? I wanted to hope that they still had a chance to be okay. But with Aries' personality, it was better not to hope at all.
When we arrived home, we were greeted by Kuya Angelo's scowling face.
"Ram is gone for one moment, and you two go wandering off!"
So grumpy again. I thought he was going to sleep all day since he said he needed rest, but here he was, full of energy to scold us.
Aries and I entered the house one after the other. I was planning to knock on Mama's door, but then I noticed Tita Gema carrying medicine and a glass of water as she went inside the room.
"Jay, don't disturb your Mama for now. She's not feeling well."
I couldn't help but feel sad.
Why did it feel like it was my fault?
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