It was one of those mornings indistinguishable from the last — the only difference being that the instant noodles were slightly less salty than usual. Saitama sat on the couch, sipping green tea like it was just hot, slightly colored water. No sound, no movement… just the occasional crunch of lazily flavored potato chips.
Then…
"BOOOOOOOM!!!"
An explosion? No—wait, false alarm. It was just Tatsumaki, crashing through the wall.
Yes, the wall.
Saitama blinked. "Tatsumaki… there's something called a door."
She responded with the cold, authoritarian tone of a dictator having a bad morning.
"I didn't see you yesterday. Thought you might be dead."
"I was hoping you'd forget where I live."
"Screw you."
Without asking, she flopped down next to him on the couch — a couch already too small for Saitama alone. She started chewing gum that seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
"I came because I was bored. That's it."
"Oh, of course. Totally not about me."
"You wish! You're barely even a person."
"Still more exciting than your daily schedule of staring at nothing."
"Say one more thing and I'll kill you."
"Try me. You'll be joining the list of people who tried—and are now sushi chefs underground."
---
Just then, Genos walked in.
He opened the door gently, but his face was anything but gentle.
"Master, I came to inspect the air conditioning unit and brought your energy soup."
Then he noticed Tatsumaki.
Then he noticed where she was sitting.
Then he noticed the TV remote was in her hand—not his master's.
"…"
"What's up, Genos?" Saitama asked, chewing unconvincingly on his noodles.
"Nothing, Master… I just thought I was the one who made you breakfast."
Tatsumaki looked at Genos with a glare that screamed, "Speak again, and I'll turn you into dust."
"And who even asked you? We're in the middle of a conversation."
"This is… his apartment."
"And I'm in it."
Saitama sighed, again.
"Are you guys fighting over who annoys me more?"
"I'm not annoying you!" Tatsumaki snapped.
"I'm protecting you!" Genos said, emotions flaring.
Saitama leaned back.
"Oh great. A love triangle."
"WHAT?!" both of them shouted at the same time.
"Joking. Joking. Carry on. I'll be in the bathroom. Whoever disappears first… loses."
---
When Saitama returned, Tatsumaki was still on the couch. Genos stood guard by the door. Tension filled the room like a fog machine had gone off.
Saitama plopped down and grabbed the remote.
"Let's watch that anime where the magical girl defeats villains with ice cream. Apparently, this is my life now."
"I told you it's amazing!" Tatsumaki shouted, unexpectedly excited.
"I don't understand you people," Genos muttered.
"I don't understand life," said Saitama.
"And I don't understand why I'm still reading this," said the reader.
The opening song of Magical Cream-Chan: Savior of Dessertia began.
And just like that… another episode of incomprehensible chaos started.