The morning was bright, birds chirping, a gentle breeze flowing, and most importantly… Saitama was hungry. Not the regular kind of hunger where you think about grabbing a snack, but the kind that makes you consider whether eating the table is a viable option.
But before he could make a life-altering decision about furniture consumption, a green storm arrived… literally.
"Saitama! Get ready, we're going shopping!" Tatsumaki stormed into the living room like a tornado that had changed its course just to invade the home of an innocent citizen.
Saitama raised an eyebrow, not even bothering to change his lazy sitting position on the couch. "Huh? And why do I have to go with you?"
Tatsumaki crossed her arms, her glowing eyes locked onto him with a challenging glare. "Because I said so. Now get up!"
Saitama didn't have the energy to argue, especially when his brain was occupied with a far greater dilemma: what to eat for breakfast? And so, ten minutes later, he found himself walking beside Tatsumaki in a shopping mall, wondering how his life had come to this.
Mission: Grocery Shopping
As they entered the store, Tatsumaki displayed a different kind of combat skill—shopping warfare. She moved at lightning speed, levitating items with her psychic powers and launching them into the cart like a machine gun firing off rounds of consumer goods.
"We need this… and this… and this too!"
Saitama glanced at the cart, which had transformed into a towering mountain of purchases. "Are you sure we need all this? We're not feeding an entire army, are we?"
Tatsumaki paused for a moment, then shot him a look of pure condescension. "You clearly know nothing about shopping, do you? These are essentials."
Saitama picked up a random box from the cart. "Potato chips with random flavors… essentials?"
"Of course! What if one day I only crave this flavor? That would be worse than facing a Dragon-level threat!"
At that moment, Genos arrived, seemingly having tracked down his master for this dangerous mission. "Master Saitama, do you require tactical support?"
Saitama sighed. "Yeah, get me out of here."
But Genos, ever the loyal disciple, instead began analyzing Tatsumaki's shopping efficiency. "Miss Tatsumaki, your purchase speed is estimated at 10 items per second, meaning you can complete this shopping trip in just ten minutes… An impressive feat."
Tatsumaki narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you saying I'm fast, or that I'm shopping recklessly?"
Genos quickly realized he had stepped into dangerous territory. "Uh, I mean… it's a highly efficient strategy!"
But the peace didn't last long. Suddenly, an alarm blared as one of the heroes in the mall shouted, "Monster alert! Monster alert!"
Saitama barely reacted, but he did glance at Tatsumaki, who looked furious that her shopping spree had been interrupted. "Who's the idiot that decided to attack this store while I was in my zone?!"
The monster appeared, looking like a walking slab of meat, proudly calling itself "Muscle Beast." With bulging muscles so over-the-top they defied logic, it roared, "Hahaha! Pathetic humans, prepare for destruction!"
Saitama and Tatsumaki exchanged glances… then promptly ignored him and went back to shopping.
The monster hesitated. "What? Aren't you afraid?!"
Saitama mumbled while eyeing the discount section, "Wait, there's a sale on eggs…"
Tatsumaki lazily raised her hand and, without even sparing a glance, flung the monster through the store's ceiling like he had just been kicked out of a nightclub for bad behavior.
The crowd erupted into applause, while Saitama and Tatsumaki casually continued their shopping as if nothing had happened.
The end. (Or rather, the beginning of suffering at the checkout counter.)