Was It Love, or Was It Just Curiosity?
I don't know when it started, this slow unraveling of everything I thought I was. Was it love, or was it just curiosity? Was I drawn to you because I wanted to feel something real, or was I just playing a game, chasing the thrill of breaking hearts? Maybe, in the beginning, it was the latter. Maybe I told myself that loving you was just another challenge, a test of how far I could go, how much power I could hold over someone else's emotions.
But then something changed.
I didn't expect to fall. I didn't expect the weight of my own actions to crush me under their guilt. I didn't expect to look at you one day and feel my chest tighten, not with pride, not with victory, but with something terrifyingly close to regret. You were supposed to be a fleeting moment, a spark that I would snuff out before it ever became a fire. But here I am, burning for you, burning in the very flames I set myself.
I made you give up everything. I made you love me. And in the end, I made you question if I ever loved you at all.
I won't blame you if you're angry. You should be. You should hate me, scream at me, tell me I never deserved your love in the first place. Maybe you already know the truth and you're just too hurt to say it. Maybe you love me too much to even leave, even though you should. But I can't let you go without telling you this, without letting you know that I never wanted you to hear it from anyone but me.
At first, I thought love was something easy, something I could control. But loving you… it was never easy. It was terrifying, overwhelming, too deep, too much. And keeping the truth from you? That was even harder. So here I am, kneeling, if not in front of you, then in my heart, begging for something I may not even deserve.
Forgiveness.
I know I don't have the right to ask for it. I know I was cruel. I know I played a game that should've never involved you, but if there's anything true in all the lies, it's this, I love you. I love every imperfection you think you have, every flaw others may see, because to me, you have always been perfect.
And if you can't love me anymore, if you can't forgive me, then at least let me hold onto the memory of you, cause that's the only thing in my life that ever felt real, it was us..