( Hokage's Office )
POOF
"Tsunade." Shirokumo says in a very serious tone. Miraculously Tsunade doesn't try to squish him this time.
"Drinking buddy!" Tsunade's whole face lights up. "Please say you can stay for drinks this time. I've been looking forward to this."
"You need to get him out of there." Shirokumo throws the letter aggressively down on her desk.
She picks it up and reads it.
Lady with the Hat,
The Traitor forced Spider to kill a lost leaf today.
It cemented my loyalty in the Traitor's eyes, but you need to know what happened. I don't know his name, I've only met him once before. He was one of the two that let me and the Snake go get Tea. Dark brown hair, blue eyes, gennin. I didn't want to kill him, it was either I do it or I let the Traitor have his way with him.
Since I know you'll ask, I am not okay. I had a breakdown but I will preserver. I'm not going to let this be the end, I'm going to move forward. Just do something for me, make sure his name makes it onto the Stone. He deserves more, he deserves a proper funeral but he can't have one. Not while he's here.
I've also included a few profiles on the people I've met here. They have a general outline of their skills and rank in the Traitor's hierarchy. Since I've finally earned his trust, I should be privy to more sensitive things now. If I can get my hands on a map of where the Traitor's bases are, I'll make sure you get a copy.
Spider
"It says that he killed a Konoha shinobi. A gennin. Someone he knew on sight." Tsunade says grimly. "He had a breakdown? I've never seen that kid phased by anything. He shrugged off being decapitated by a S-rank missing nin."
"Breakdown doesn't do it justice. His whole persona shattered. He literally went from anger, to sadness, to insanity, to desperation, then to self loathing. He talked through it out loud to himself, he thinks I didn't notice but I did. He tried to play it off on the Jiongu. You do know about that right?" She nods, she examined him herself after all. She knows more than most. "The Jiongu had to snap him out of his funk. I called out to him multiple times but he ignored me. I couldn't help him, he didn't notice me at all."
"He doesn't want out." Tsunade replies after reading further into the letter. "I can't afford to withdraw him now, not when he just earned Orochimaru's trust. He's in too deep, but I need him to keep digging."
Shirokumo raises himself up higher. "You need to do something! The person you know is changing! He's becoming twisted and rent all thanks to that revolting man! He killed a child today and you want him to stay there?"
"SILENCE!" Tsunade thunders at the large spider on her desk. He doesn't back down. "Do not make the mistake of thinking only you care for him. I don't want Alvarcus there at all. I expressly forbid him from doing it and he did it anyway. The first chance we have to get him back he tells us to do nothing and avoid him. You want me to do something? There is nothing I can do, nothing at all. He's on his own by choice. I didn't want this, Kakashi didn't want this, Konoha didn't want this! Alvarcus wanted this, so he did it."
"Write back to him." Shirokumo demands. "He sends you weekly letters with his reports. He actively differentiates them in his mind. Don't you get it? He's writing you a letter. He's reaching out to you, the one person who actually knows what is going on in his life. He's using me as a crutch for positive contact. He summons me almost everyday just for conversation. He needs reassurance from his own species, he needs a friend. Someone to lean on, someone to tell his problems to, someone to listen to him. He has to wear a mask around everyone except you and the Spiders."
Tsunade pales. "I missed it. All three reports have had a personal letter just to me about mostly irrelevant information. How did I miss it?"
"You weren't looking. You've missed more than that. Alvarcus has changed. He's becoming desensitized to pain and violence. You know how bad that is, he's a shinobi that is loosing touch with his morals. He constantly endures torture under the disguise of training! I fear for the next person he fights, his level of acceptable damage has skyrocketed. He doesn't even blink when his arm gets cut off! The only things that can phase him are getting his head cut off or losing a heart!"
"He is going to end up killing someone in the Chunin Exams, isn't he?" Tsunade morbidly asks.
"Yes, and it will be purely accidental. He won't scale back his strength until something irreversible happens. He's been fighting only Orochimaru for who knows how long! Every damn day for hours. He's fighting Sannin level opponents, your level, Kage level."
"He's well on his way to achieving his dream. I only wish it wasn't like this." Tsunade says in a bleak tone. "He should have stayed here."
"You should have kept him here." Shirokumo poofs away, returning to the Nest.
"I can't even get mad at him for that comment. He's right." Tsunade opens the bottom drawer in her desk and pulls out a bottle. "Alvarcus, you better survive through this. Konoha is always open to you as long as I am the Hokage."
...
Two Weeks Until Chunin Exams
Currently I am in the lounge with Sasuke. We're the only two here, the Sound Four are out doing something for Orochimaru. Probably something despicable like acquiring new test subjects.
"Alright. I've had enough of this." Sasuke's displeased voice breaks the silence. He stands up out of his chair and stomps over to me. "What has been eating at you?"
"Uh what?" I intelligently respond as I look up from a book that I haven't bothered to read the title of. I haven't even bothered to read a single word. I've been staring at the pages.
"You've been off for the past week. You're eating less. You're losing focus. You get distracted easily and stare off into space. Hell you're sleeping less, which is good but you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Something happened. What was it?"
"Sasuke nothing happened." I calmly assure him. It isn't like I'm going to say: Orochimaru, the person who I'm pretty sure is literally getting off on torturing me everyday this week, made me kill a Konoha gennin that was only a child. So yeah, sorry if I'm a little distracted.
Sasuke glares at me. "Bullshit. I know you. I know your tells. You're lying. Tell me what happened."
I can't meet his eyes. I don't trust myself to not break down and confess everything. I'm vulnerable. "I don't want to." I weakly whisper out.
"Alvarcus." Sasuke sternly says. "You didn't let me get away with keeping things to myself in the Land of Tea, I'm not going to let you get away with it now."
"Don't make me. Please. I don't want to remember it."
"Come on." He softly urges. "It can't be any worse than my outburst back then."
"Sasuke... I killed an innocent." I can hear Sasuke take a sharp inhale of breath. "Orochimaru wanted to test a theory with the Jiongu. The test subject was an innocent. That's what's been bothering me. Everyone else I've killed has done something wrong. Thieves, bandits, murderers. I can rationalize killing them, they're a blight on society. Hell I can even rationalize killing someone who is attacking me with deadly force! That's our occupational hazard. But... not this one. Not this one."
"Oh." Sasuke quietly says. That's not even the worst part. I didn't tell him that he was nothing more than a child. "I hate to say this, but it will happen to everyone eventually."
My head snaps upwards to stare at him in disbelief. "How can you possibly say that?"
"People make mistakes. Sometimes bakers burn their bread. Or a carpenter will measure wrong. Or... you get the idea. The difference is we're shinobi. When we make a mistake, someone could die. Sometimes it will be an innocent."
"Yeah, but I didn't make a mistake. I knew exactly what I was doing the whole time."
"Do you feel remorse? Do you regret it?"
"Of course! How is that even a question?"
"Then quit calling yourself a monster." Sasuke demands.
"When did I do that?"
"All damn week." Sasuke tiredly tells me. "I know you better than anyone. I know what goes on in your head. You've been calling yourself a monster all the damn time. You're not."
A small smile forms on my face. Arrogant prick is right. I have been calling myself a monster. "Fine. I'll stop for a bit. Can we go back to when we would sassily try to best each other at something? I'm not the biggest fan of this 'tell me your feelings' stuff."
"So Alvarcus." Sasuke blandly humors me, "On a completely unrelated topic, I finally hit Orochimaru today."
"Really? What did you do, punch him in the face? Because I would have liked to see that." That would be much better therapy than whatever the hell Sasuke just put me through.
Sasuke's proud tone falters for a moment. Obviously he didn't get a true hit in, neither have I. The best I've managed is a handful of glancing blows and the one time I managed to crush his hand. I don't count that as a hit because we were both not thinking straight.
"During a kenjutsu session I managed to cut his robes." Sasuke is trying to brag to me.
"Well done! That is a big achievement, to land a near hit on a Sannin is very impressive." He's smug with pride. It is really sad, I managed to hit Orochimaru weeks ago. Am I that far above Sasuke now? Is Orochimaru's insane brand of training pushing me that far that quickly? That is a great question, how far have I advanced? Orochimaru is holding back less and less every day, that's a good thing. If you count constantly being dismembered as a positive.
"Have you managed to get him yet?" Sasuke asks the question I was hoping to avoid. I have, a few times already, but I don't want him to know that. I don't want him to realize there is a gap in our skill levels, that he is still behind me.
An earsplitting ring echoes throughout the room. "Alvarcus, come to my office." Orochimaru's voice calls out over the PA system. I'm saved by my enemy. How ironic.
"We'll have to finish this later." I rise from my relaxed position and put my book away. I nod a quick goodbye to Sasuke as I make my way to Orochimaru. No one dares to keep him waiting, not even one of his prized pupils. I get to his office in under five minutes.
"Okay." I shakily say to myself. "You can do this. Just do what you normally do and put on a mask. He got to you. Don't let him know that he did. Just act normal. Be your usual snarky sarcastic self. Oh hell this isn't going to work. Fuck it, I'll just wing it."
I poke my head through the door and take stock of all the changes. There's only one change. There is a chair across from his desk this time, one for me. How considerate. "You called?"
"Yes, yes. Come in and sit down. I need to discuss something with you." Alarms and warning bells sound in my head.
...
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