I idly hummed a tune to myself as I watched Professor McGonagall take a seat behind her desk, before calmly taking a seat opposite her.
We were currently in her office.
It was telling that she didn't immediately start on what I presumed was a lecture.
The older woman let out a sigh as she gave me a pointed look.
"I am rather at a loss right now... " The woman remarked passively. "You are making it very difficult for me as your Head of house, as I am sure you're already aware-"
I was.
She didn't raise an eyebrow at me, but I knew she wanted to.
"Is this about Malfoy?" I questioned innocently, actually causing her to raise an eyebrow at me.
"Did you have something else in mind?" She questioned sardonically. "Is there anyone else you've planted into a table, broken their nose, and caused them to bleed through their mouths using magic?"
A single beat passed as I considered the question before I ultimately settled for a shrug.
"I am not sorry."
She let out a sigh at that.
"And that is the problem- A detention, a punishment of any kind is supposed to install at least that much-"
Tell Dumbledore that!
Her eye twitched.
"...I understand that you, unlike anyone else posses a gift that puts certain things-"
I seriously doubted that.
She frowned as she paused in her tirade.
"...Sirius..." She sighed again. "While I might not have the gifts of a seer- I certainly know enough-"
"No, seriously, just stop."
Her eyes briefly narrowed, before a hint of understanding, for some reason, reached her eyes.
"You... Intended to say that out loud." She pointed out warily.
I nodded.
"...Very well, I would very much like to hear your reasoning-"
I grinned at her, relaxing into the seat, briefly causing her to raise her eyebrow at me again.
"See, this is why you're my favorite professor. You're willing to listen."
She let out an amused snort, even if she tried to contain it.
"Flattery will not change the fact that you harmed another student."
"Yeah, yeah, big whoop- I harmed the fu-" I coughed. "-Student that was literallyresponsible for what Dumbledore seems to think was a bloody prank, one that involved hurtling the Killing Curse at first years."
I paused, a deadpan look taking over my face.
"Truly, my own reaction was far too extreme."
She opened her mouth to speak, but I continued on, not giving her the chance.
"But you want me to be completelyhonest?" I briefly narrowed my eyes.
"I would certainly appreciate that." She remarked, a clipped tone to her voice.
"I didn't do it 'cos of the 'prank'." I shrugged, once again causing her to briefly narrow her eyes. "I did it, 'cos Lucius Malfoy is a piece of shit that would've ruined my cousin's future."
I wasn't sure if the woman had ever glared at someone before, but I figured this was the closest look to it.
"So yes, I am not sorry that that poor excuse of a goddamn bigot, of a goddamn bastard, got his just desserts. And frankly, it's nowhere near enough to even be called that!"
"Sirius." The professor remarked, warningly-
I shook my head. "No, don't. Seriously, you just wouldn't get it."
She was having none of it though as she promptly stood up from her seat.
"Malfoy's actions aside-" She took in a deep breath. "I cannot allow the idea that you would use one's possible future as a reason to-"
"I disagree." I cut her off, before shrugging again. "Like, fully disagree."
"Sirius-"
"You can say my name as many times as you want Professor, but it won't change anything." I sighed, closing my eyes as I leaned my head back, my closed gaze on the ceiling. "Nothing you can say ever would change what I know for a fact," I whispered, though loud enough for her to hear- And to my surprise, whatever anger she felt seemed to dissipate for some reason. "I've seen it all, you know? Seen what the coming decades have to offer- Seen the death, the destruction that awaits... And Malfoy wasn't just a pawn in it." A grimace filled my face. "He was the second hand that dealt it- That partook in it. That helped push it to the level it was... And at the end of it all, he gets away with it."
I lowered my head back, reopening my eyes as I stared at the speechless professor.
"I've seen the war, professor. I've seen what happens if I sit around and do nothing. If I sit around and let events play out, let Dumbledore give out second chances to blossoming death eaters." I took in a breath, the emotion in my voice growing. "I've seen the suffering, the hurt, the deaths that take place. Seen the Dark Lord in all his fuckin' glory." I stood up myself. "And if I listen to any of you..." I shook my head. "If I sit around and hope if I sit back and just warn the headmaster of what's to come? And hope he does something about it?" I narrowed my eyes. "I know for a fact that it would all come to pass." I pushed my hands and gaze onto the table before me, only then noticing that they were shaking.
"Being a seer at my age..." Or the closest thing to one. "Is hell. It's not a gift, it's not a blessing, it is literally an open invitation to hell itself. Because either no one believes you, or everyone suddenly knows best- Suddenly thinks they know what to do if they learn about the future- But it's not that simple!" I practically yelled out the last part.
"Because none of them, no matter how wise, or powerful, or how fuckin' goodthey might be- None of them have the slightest bloody clue about what it's like to know, to see, to bloody well understand what's coming- And they never could!"
I looked back up from the table towards the professor, noting her slackened expression.
"Words, information? It's nothingcompared to the visual, to the bloody painting the future really is." I let out a sigh, a weak smile growing on my face. "You can't, none of you at that, expect to know better- How could you? You all want to play a game that... You don't even know the rules of..." I paused briefly, my smile growing. "That's why I hurt Malfoy, that's why I do things the way I do... 'Cos right now, at this instant, I am the only one that knows those rules, and telling you what they were wouldn't help, because you can't even see the game anyway." I shrugged and promptly sat back down. A veritable ocean's worth of stress lifting from my shoulders- Stress I hadn't even noticed beforehand.
McGonagall's mouth opened and closed a few times as she took in my words before a very long sigh came out as she shook her head.
"I believe you..." A sad expression filtered into her face. "And I feel terrible about it- You're a child Sirius, this isn't something a child should deal with alone... This isn't- You're entitled to a normal childhood and despite the truth of it, we are there to help- it's simply unfair to put yourself through-"
"I had a childhood." I cut her off. "I saw it, remember?" I gave a weak smile. "I saw what ignorance had in store for me." The smile disappeared. "A dead family-" Her eyes widened. "-Dead friends... Dead classmates, dead Dumbledore-" I paused again. "Death, death, and more death. My entire life crumbling with every year- My own brother dying for no reasonwhatsoever except to send a bloody message!" I practically growled out, before taking in a deep breath.
Despite it all, it was almost surreal how quickly I'd become attached to the little bugger.
"They all die... One by bloody one, until the only thing that remained of Black, was Narcissa's cursed existence as Lucius's wife and my other cousin's orphaned grandson."
I gave her a snort.
"Would you be able to accept that?" I paused, squinting my eyes at her. "Couldyou?" Another beat passed. "Could you accept knowing that, half the students in my year alone, half of those children that you're teaching right now end up dead before their twenty-second birthday?"
There was an almost shell-shocked expression on the woman's face.
"I didn't think so." I sighed again. "For what it's worth though, I know I don't have a hill to stand on 'cos of how I've chosen to go about things- But I'd take that over falling into a bottomless pit out of ignorance."
Professor McGonagall's face seemed to have lost all of its color as she visibly slacked against her seat.
"...You're free to go..." She practically whispered towards me.
I nodded once and did just that.