Lexi squinted at her reflection in the scratched City Hall mirror and muttered, "This is how I die. On a livestream. In neon."
The dress was a retina-melting shade of highlighter yellow. Gia had found it in the clearance bin of a clubwear store and insisted it was camp. The shower curtain veil was Lexi's own addition—white plastic with tiny rubber ducks sewn along the edges.
"This is revenge on the entire wedding industry," Gia said proudly, placing a tiara made of bobby pins and attitude on Lexi's head. "You're a fluorescent goddess."
Lexi tugged the hem of her dress and narrowed her eyes. "Maybe it will scare my fiancé enough for him to bail. If he shows up."
"He will," Gia said confidently.
⸻
Outside, a small crowd had formed.
Mostly fans. A few confused tourists. And one elderly woman knitting and watching like it was the soap opera of the century.
Gia checked the phone. "Forty-six thousand people watching and climbing. TikTok's about to break."
Then Noah walked in.
Lexi turned—expecting a black suit, maybe some ironic boutonnière.
What she got instead was:
Hawaiian shirt.
Neon green Crocs.
Cargo shorts.
Straw hat.
And sunglasses he clearly had no intention of removing.
"Are you lost?" she asked flatly. "This isn't a community college frat party."
Noah grinned. "It's not a rave either, yet you're dressed like a glow stick."
Lexi scowled. "I was going for bold."
"You landed on radioactive."
They glared at each other. The tension was so thick even the livestream chat paused for a second.
Then a voice interrupted: "Wow, so this is what the apocalypse looks like."
Noah's best friend, Lucas, appeared beside him—tall, charming, and wearing a tailored navy suit that said normal human being here to witness your train wreck.
He winked at Lexi, then noticed Gia standing behind her.
"You must be the maid of honor," he said, offering his hand.
Gia raised a brow. "And you must be the only sane person in this building."
Lucas smirked. "Temporarily."
They didn't let go of each other's hands for a solid ten seconds.
Lexi blinked. "Are you two about to elope or…?"
Gia waved her off. "Focus on your clown wedding."
⸻
The officiant, a tired woman named Darlene with a coffee stain on her blouse and the aura of someone who had seen too much, stood under a dusty floral arch.
"You ready?" she asked without emotion.
"Ready as I'll ever be," Lexi mumbled.
"I was born for this," Noah said cheerfully.
Lexi rolled her eyes as they took their places.
Gia handed over two giant plastic ring pops, smirking. "Bling for the bride and doom for the groom."
But before Lexi could take hers, Noah reached into his pocket.
And pulled out a small velvet box.
Lexi froze. "What is that?"
Noah opened it. Inside was a delicate silver ring with a simple moonstone, softly glowing under the fluorescent lights.
"Don't worry," he said. "It's not from a dollar store. Got it from a girl who makes jewelry on Etsy. Seemed more fitting than a raspberry ring pop."
Lexi stared at it. "You… planned?"
Noah shrugged, trying to play it off. "Didn't want the internet accusing me of being entirely useless."
Gia and Lucas exchanged a loaded glance. Darlene blinked twice. The crowd made a collective awwwwww noise.
Lexi blinked rapidly. "Well. That's… not what I expected."
Noah smirked. "Neither was the duck-patterned veil, but here we are."
⸻
The ceremony itself was a disaster in every direction.
Vows were made up on the spot.
Lexi: "I vow not to throw you into traffic unless absolutely necessary."
Noah: "I vow to make fun of your skincare fridge until death—or TikTok suspension—do us part."
Lucas filmed the whole thing for extra angles while Gia made a highlight reel for Instagram Stories.
When it came time to kiss, Lexi squinted at him. "Don't even think about it."
"Wouldn't dream of it," Noah said smugly.
They settled on a painfully sarcastic high five.
The chat exploded:
This is the best thing I've ever watched
Enemies to spouses? Say LESS
That ring was kinda cute tho ngl
⸻
After the ceremony, as they stood in front of the City Hall sign with fans cheering from across the street, Noah leaned in a little too close.
"You know this means we have to live together now, right?"
Lexi blinked. "Excuse me?"
"Married people tend to do that."
"I will haunt your guest room with my presence. And my skincare fridge."
He grinned. "Looking forward to it, Mrs. Glowstick."
Gia snapped a photo right as Lexi tried to strangle him with her veil.