It rained the day Li Tianming died—an ironic finale for the so-called Doomsday Prodigy. Once the youngest ever Heaven-Stage cultivator in the Ninefold Realm, his future was limitless. Until betrayal, politics, and a conveniently timed explosion erased him from the records.
And yet...
He woke up in a pigsty. Naked. Covered in mud. Smelling worse than the pigs.
> "System Booting… 1%... 5%... 69%… Nice."
A mechanical voice echoed in his mind.
Tianming sat up, rubbing his aching skull. Around him stood pigs. Literal pigs. One was sniffing his toe.
"Am I… in hell?" he muttered.
> "Negative. Host has reincarnated in the Lower Mortal Realm, location: Cursed Pig Village, population: 97 pigs, 3 idiots, and 1 future overlord—congratulations, you."
"What in the flaming donkey is this?" Tianming blinked. "A System?"
> "Correct. You have awakened the [Heavenly Emperor System]. Current version: Scuffed Beta 0.3. Patch notes: bugs, blessings, and questionable morality."
Tianming's head spun. He remembered the betrayal—his so-called sworn brothers feeding him to a spirit beast to curry favor with the Heavenly Council. He remembered the explosion, the scream, and the taste of blood.
And then…
Here.
"Fine," he said, staggering to his feet. "If fate threw me down again, I'll just climb higher."
> "Ding! Quest Unlocked: [First Slap of Destiny]! Objective: Slap a local young master so hard his ancestors feel it. Reward: Face-Slapping Token x1, 500 Cultivation Points, Fresh Underwear."
"…You serious?"
> "Always."
—
An hour later, dressed in torn burlap and with a stick he insisted was a "sword," Tianming walked into Pig Village Plaza, where the local sect's junior disciple, Lin Feng, was publicly humiliating a beggar girl.
"Trash like you dares ask for spirit rice? You think you're cultivator-worthy?" Lin Feng sneered, lifting his boot toward her hand.
Tianming stepped forward.
"Hey, cucumber head. Did your mouth evolve backwards or are you just naturally ugly when you speak?"
The plaza went silent.
Lin Feng turned. "Who the hell are you?"
"Li Tianming," he said with a crooked grin. "Pig Wrangler, Demon King, and your new father."
> "Ding! Insult Combo Achieved! +10 Flair. +5 Crowd Respect. System has unlocked Passive Skill: [Shameless Aura Lv.1]"
The villagers gasped. Lin Feng fumed.
"You dare! I'm a third-level Spirit Root cultivator!"
"Congratulations. Still got no girlfriend though," Tianming replied.
> "Face-Slapping Token consumed."
Tianming's hand moved on its own.
SMACK.
A sound like a divine thunderclap echoed through the plaza. Lin Feng spun midair, crashed into a dung cart, and went silent.
A child clapped. An old man wept. Someone wrote a poem on the spot.
> "Quest complete. Reward dispensed. Fresh underwear has been applied."
Tianming flexed his fingers. "System. I love you."
> "It's too soon to say that. But same."
—
That night, he sat by a broken well, roasting a stolen spirit carrot while the beggar girl curled up beside him.
"You shouldn't have helped me," she whispered. "Now Lin Clan will come after you."
"Let them come," Tianming said, chewing dramatically. "I've already died once. I'm more allergic to boredom than danger."
She looked at him, uncertain. "You're weird."
"Correction: I'm the future emperor of this pig-infested continent."
> "Ding! Long-Term Goal Initiated: [Found the Divine Empire of Shameless Heaven]."
Tianming grinned. "See? Even my System agrees."
> "Technically I only tolerate your nonsense. But yes."
---
The next morning, Tianming woke up to something falling from the sky.
Not a star.
Not a treasure.
But… a girl.
Specifically, a blindingly beautiful one in divine robes, golden ribbons fluttering around her as she crash-landed in the pig trough with an ungraceful splash.
> "Scanning anomaly… Divine Entity Detected: [Mei Ling'er – Goddess of Luck, Dimension-Lost]."
She groaned, soaking wet, glaring at him through wet hair.
"Where… am I?"
"In heaven," Tianming said smoothly. "I'm the God of Pigs."
"…I'd rather fall again."
> "Bond Candidate Detected. Divine Harem Protocol Booting…"
"Wait—Harem what?" she and Tianming said in unison.
> "New Quest: Convince Mei Ling'er to stay for 3 days. Reward: [Chaos Luck Core], +Affinity, +Empire Buff: Dumb Luck Multiplier."
Tianming grinned. "Well, Miss Goddess. Care for some carrot stew?"
She narrowed her eyes.
He smiled wider.
Thus began the legend.
Of a broke genius reborn.
Of a divine system that refused to be humble.
And of a destiny so ridiculous, the heavens themselves would need therapy.