The Darklord Who Just Wanted a Nap
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If I had known the "Trial of Ascent" required getting out of bed before sunrise, I might have failed it on purpose.
The Academy had its own twisted way of doing things: throw a bunch of hormonal teenagers into a danger-simulated dungeon and hope they didn't kill each other. Or die trying to impress a princess. Or both.
And yet, here I was—half-awake, half-bored—surrounded by yawning nobles and commoners alike, all pretending they weren't terrified.
My uniform was wrinkled. My hair, unbrushed. I hadn't even eaten breakfast.
I just wanted this over with so I could go back to sleep.
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"Today marks the beginning of your Trial of Ascent!"
Instructor Rehlan's voice echoed through the stone amphitheater at the edge of the Forest Arena.
Behind him, a giant swirling portal spun like a vortex of magical indigestion.
"Within lies your challenge. Teams have been selected randomly. Survive, support each other, and bring back a proof of kill from the Trial Beast."
Proof of kill?
That sounded suspiciously like "actual effort."
I sighed.
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"Team 3: Kael Vaelthorn, Lyra Myles… and Riven Eltor."
The moment my name was called, students turned.
Riven—the "Protagonist" of this story—narrowed his eyes at me. He was standing with a loose sword on his back, leather armor polished by effort, and righteous anger oozing from his pores like sweat.
He hated me.
Not because of anything I did.
Just… because.
Honestly, I couldn't remember his last name until five seconds ago.
Lyra, on the other hand, waved nervously. She looked like a kitten trapped in a political scandal. Her healer's robe was too big, and her staff looked borrowed.
"U-Um… I'll do my best!" she said as she joined us.
"Don't trip," I replied casually, which somehow made her blush.
Riven scowled harder.
---
Inside the Trial Portal
The moment we stepped through the swirling magic gate, the world twisted—and we landed in a dense, misty forest. Moonlight bled through silver-leafed trees. Somewhere in the distance, a beast roared.
Lyra jumped. Riven unsheathed his blade with purpose.
I scratched my neck.
"Okay," I said. "Let's walk until something tries to kill us. Then we go home."
"Are you mocking this sacred trial?" Riven snapped.
"I'm mocking the lack of coffee."
He actually growled.
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Fifteen Minutes Later
We were ambushed by a Level-3 Stonefang Boar.
Massive tusks. Scaled hide. Beady eyes filled with demonic energy.
Riven charged in, yelling something heroic. Lyra shrieked and hid behind a tree. I squatted behind a rock and watched.
This thing wasn't even dangerous. I remembered something similar from one of my dreams. I think I kicked it.
Riven's sword bounced off its hide, sparks flying. He cursed.
"Kael! Help!"
"Busy thinking," I called.
The boar lunged at Riven.
He tripped. Typical protagonist move.
Sighing, I picked up a branch.
Walked up behind the beast.
And tapped it on the side of its head.
Not hard. Just… annoyingly.
It turned.
I yawned.
It charged at me.
I sidestepped, stuck the branch in the ground at an angle, and the boar tripped over it and slammed face-first into a rock.
Dead.
Just like that.
---
Silence
Lyra peeked out from the bushes.
Riven stared, dumbfounded.
"W-What… was that?"
I looked at the boar, then the stick, then shrugged.
"Unlucky, I guess."
---
Back at the Observation Tower
Dozens of instructors watched the live projection.
Principal Vaelaria leaned forward.
"That was… deliberate," she said.
Vice Principal Caine whispered, "He used terrain, baiting behavior, and improvised traps in under two seconds."
Another instructor muttered, "Who is that boy? That wasn't instinct—that was genius."
They didn't know the "trap" was just me being too lazy to run.
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Outside the Portal – Return
When we exited, our team was the first to complete the trial.
Students and staff clapped.
"Impossible. That was a Stonefang Boar. They usually wipe new groups."
"Kael Vaelthorn again…"
Riven sulked.
Lyra looked at me like I was the chosen one.
I just wanted breakfast.
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Later That Night
In my room, I curled up with a book I didn't plan to finish.
Outside the window, stars flickered across a dark sky.
This world had its problems. Nobles. Magic monsters. Political drama. Rejection.
But I had a pillow made of cloud cotton.
A soft mattress.
And one rule.
Never try harder than you have to.
I closed my eyes.
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