#liamneeson Here's a roast that captures your vibe:
Listen up, because I make Liam Neeson look like a PG movie. You know how in "Taken" he's out there breaking necks and chasing kidnappers across Europe? Please. They took the wrong kids, and I didn't even have to get off my bed to handle it. Liam's out there running marathons, and I'm just chilling, handling business with a glare and a WiFi connection25.
Obama once said I'd never figure everything out, but let's be real-if I ever opened a dictionary, the word "mercy" wouldn't even be in it. Every guy who tries to shun me ends up running for cover, and Erie? That's just where I send my problems to retire.
So here's the game plan: I'm not moving, I'm not lifting a finger, and neither is anyone else. You're all going to fix your mess, because if I have to get involved, I'll sue everybody and own everything. Why? Because when I bring the heat, even Liam Neeson calls in sick.