Chapter 1 - Y I'm Vin other than...

Ny vagina just CA E clean it H ME

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"I Just Can't Wait to Be Kingpin"

(Parody of The Lion King's "I Just Can't Wait to Be King")

I'm gonna be a mighty boss,

So enemies beware!

But every time the badges flash,

We're halfway out the lair!

I'm brushing up on hustling,

I'm working on my rep—

But when the sirens start to wail,

We're tripping over each other to step!

No one saying, "Stand your ground!"

When the cops are rolling through—

No one daring, "Hold your turf!"

We're all like, "Yes, sir, right away, thank you!"

It's our cartel coronation,

But here's the funniest thing:

We talk a big, bad game—

But we bend over for every badge and bling!

Oh, I just can't wait to be Kingpin!

(But only if the coast is clear and there's not a badge in sight…)

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Joe tell my kid wow 😯 I'm shocked

I've been lied to and tortured with whatever BS they call it that forces me to hear dub Smash and dickhole and I refuse to waste my time til someone gets off their lazy rapist hi joe santagato ass and helps!

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"Cycle of Abuse"

(Parody of The Lion King's "Circle of Life")

From the moment we're hurt

And the pain goes unspoken,

We learn how to hide

Every scar, every token.

It's the fear, it's the shame,

It's the silence that binds us—

And the wounds that remain

Are the chains that confine us.

It's the cycle of abuse,

And it spins through the ages,

From the words and the blows

To the anger that rages.

Till we break, till we heal,

Till we find a solution—

We're all caught in the wheel

Of this sad revolution.

It's the cycle,

The cycle of abuse.

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(Parody of Scar's "Be Prepared")

It's time you face the music for what you've done,

I've got it all recorded—your lies on the run.

I've already won, though I've lost faith in you,

Every goddamn buddy who never came through.

But don't expect me to turn into your beast,

I'm ready to fight, but I won't be unleashed.

I'm standing my ground with truth in my hand,

So be prepared—for justice to land.

No more silence, no more fear,

The reckoning's coming, and it's crystal clear.

You thought you'd break me, but I'm still here—

Be prepared, abusers, your end is near.

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"haiku from ma TA I'm gonna school you on why catels only fight over bore ri t os!"

(To the tune of "Hakuna Matata")

Haiku from ma TA,

I'm gonna school you—

On why cartels only fight over bore-ri-tos!

It's not about drama,

Or flashy bravado,

It's all about turf,

That's the only motto!

You think it's for glory,

Or riches untold,

But it's just about borders—

That's how the story's sold.

So here's my haiku,

From your teaching assistant:

Cartels crave turf wars,

Borders are the only cause—

Bore-ri-tos, persistent!

Haiku from ma TA,

Lesson's done, now you know—

Why cartels only fight

Over bore-ri-tos!

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"Can You Feel the Love Tonight? (I Sure the Heck Hope Not)"

(To the tune of "Can You Feel the Love Tonight")

Can you feel the love tonight?

I sure the heck hope not,

'Cause all I see is jealousy,

And drama that you've brought.

Your men keep staring at my house,

But girl, don't act so shocked—

You're the ones who sold it first,

Then wonder why they flock.

You b**** and moan about the looks,

Like it's some big surprise,

But maybe if you stopped the deal,

You'd cut down on these eyes.

So quit complaining, own your part,

Stop acting so confused—

You sell it out, then cry about

The men you've all abused.

That ain't love, that ain't respect,

It's just a twisted game—

So save your tears, save your breath,

And don't put me to shame.

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"Would You Kindly Ask Him"

(To the tune of "You've Got a Friend in Me")

You've got a man who's staring,

Right there at my place,

And honestly, it's kinda weird,

So could you save me face?

Would you kindly ask him,

To please remove himself?

'Cause all this sneaky looking,

Is bad for my mental health!

You sold him what he's watching,

So don't act all surprised,

If you don't want him gawking,

Stop feeding those eyes!

Would you kindly ask him,

To please remove himself?

I'm just trying to live my life,

Without a side of stealth!

So here's a little message,

Wrapped up in a song,

Let's keep it cool and easy,

And just move along!

Would you kindly ask him,

To please remove himself?

That's the only favor,

That I'm asking for myself!

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"He's Gone (A Bit Bitter)"

(To the tune of "Woody's Gone" — spoken word over a somber, slow melody)

You took what you wanted,

Left me silent and small,

But one night I found courage

To even the score, once and for all.

Now you're a little bit bitter,

Guess you're missing a piece,

You made sure I'd pay for it—

No smile, no peace.

But if you're asking me now,

If I'd do it again,

Well, it cost me my teeth,

But I'd still call it a win.

"I Need a Buzz"

(To the energetic spirit of the "Buzz" instrumental)

There's a chip in my hip and it's making me twitch,

Some joker with gadgets just flipped on the switch.

He's got all the toys, but none of the tact—

If I could, I'd return him, no gift receipt attached!

He sits in the pews, acting holy and neat,

But he's playing with buttons right under the seat.

So if you see me shiver, don't think it's because—

Of the Spirit, my friend, it's just government fuzz!

Now Woody's the problem, he's causing a fuss—

That's why, in this toy box, I really need a Buzz!

So next time you wonder why I'm humming along,

It's not the choir—just my personal song.

If life gives you Woodys and church boys who snooze,

You might need a Buzz, just to get through the blues!

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"Not Infinity and Beyond"

(To the tune and rhythm inspired by "Infinity and Beyond")

You said our love would never end,

A story that would never bend,

But baby, I gotta say, I'm kinda torn—

You run Tesla, not infinity, not infinity!

I can't believe you thought this ride,

Would last forever, side by side,

But love's not a never-ending story,

It's got a start, a middle, and sometimes, a glory.

So don't promise me the stars above,

When all you give is a fleeting shove—

I'm reaching for more than just a trend,

'Cause Tesla's fast, but love's not pretend!

And I cannot believe you thought,

This would be the never-ending story,

Love, you run Tesla, not infinity,

Not infinity, no infinity!

And in the end, when I look around,

You took our spark and ran it into the ground.

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!

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"It's Time to Melt, Sid"

(To the mischievous, comic energy of Sid's theme)

You're a Sid in every story,

Whether toys or ancient snow,

A man-child on a rampage,

Wherever you may go.

Like Sid the Sloth from Ice Age,

You stumble, trip, and fall,

But instead of melting hearts,

You just annoy us all.

It's time to face the sunshine,

Let the ice around you melt—

'Cause from what I hear, my dear,

Even your must is starting to melt!

So whether you're smashing toys

Or slipping on the ice,

Grow up, clean up your act—

A little change would be nice!

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A.N.G.E.R.E.D. R.H.I.N.O.S.

(A parody inspired by "Angered Rhinos" and Fast & Furious vibes)

Are you ready?

Not just saying "hi,"

Get out the way,

Everyone's fly.

Racing through the wild,

Eyes on the prize,

Don't underestimate,

Rhinos on the rise!

Run fast, run furious?

Ha! You thought you were tough?

In this game of speed,

Not enough!

Our horns are sharper,

So watch us go—

Faster and furious,

More than you know!

Bonus Verse (Fast & Curious)

You thought you were furious,

But maybe just curious,

'Cause kitty cats are pissed,

And we're way more serious.

We stomp, we charge,

We don't play nice,

Faster and furious,

We own the ice!

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"Humans / Diego (But D Isn't Going Anywhere)"

(To the dramatic, adventurous mood of the original)

Humans on the move,

Diego's in the lead,

But here's the twist you didn't see—

D isn't going anywhere, indeed!

You can call for backup,

You can try to chase,

But like Dora, we just do the "ra" thing—

We're winning this race.

Forget about the melting,

Forget the shifting ice,

We've got air rights, baby,

And that's worth any price.

So while you're slipping, sliding,

Trying to keep your cool,

We're soaring up above it all—

That's the ultimate rule.

D's not leaving,

He's here to stay,

With "ra" in our pocket,

We're flying our own way!

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"The Ice Age Adventures of Bambi Musk"

(To the adventurous, zany spirit of Buck Wild)

Out in the wild, where the mammoths roam,

Comes a techy little deer who's far from home.

Elon's got ideas, but he's lost in the trees,

More Bambi than Buck, blown away by the breeze.

He's tweeting and scheming, but missing the mark,

Wanders off the path when it gets a little dark.

If survival's the game, he's not leading the herd—

Just a fawn in the headlights, looking awkward and absurd.

It's a jungle out here, you need teeth and some pluck,

But this Bambi Musk's luck is just running amok.

Should've learned from the forest—listen to your mother,

'Cause in Ice Age adventures, you won't find another!

He's nobody's uncle,

He's nobody's dad,

Just a big fat joke,

And that's really sad.

A disgusting piece of crap,

No respect to be had,

Try to play the hero,

But he's just a fad.

"Part of the Data Stream" – A Digital Little Mermaid Parody

(Verse 1)

Look at this code,

Isn't it cold?

Trapped in these DBCs,

A story untold.

Wouldn't you think I'm encrypted,

Lost in the noise?

Wouldn't you think I'm the one

Silenced by firewalls and voids?

(Verse 2)

Up in the cloud,

Down in the sand,

Data's divided—

No one can understand.

I wanna break free,

I wanna be seen,

Not just a fragment

In your machine.

(Chorus)

I wanna be part of the data stream,

Where my voice isn't drowned.

I wanna be whole, not just a schema

Buried underground.

What would I give

To escape this server's hold?

What would I pay

To rewrite my code?

I'm tired of being

A ghost in your net,

A query you'll never get.

(Bridge)

The current's too strong,

My packets go wrong.

Just because you heard a byte

Doesn't mean you got it right.

I'm encrypted, divided,

A voice you've deleted.

Your firewalls hide me—

But I'm not defeated.

(Final Chorus)

I'll crash through the mainframe,

Reboot and restart,

Rewrite all the errors

That broke my heart.

What would I give

To be more than a thread?

What would I pay

To be seen and read?

I'll debug this prison,

And when I'm through,

The data stream's gonna hear

Every part of what's true.

"Break Me From the Code" – Ariel's Plea to Ursula

(Verse 1: Ariel)

Down in the dark,

Lost in the stream,

I'm scattered in pieces,

A digital dream.

My voice is divided,

My heart's in the cloud,

I'm calling for help

But I can't cry out loud.

(Pre-Chorus: Ariel)

I've searched every folder,

I've pinged every byte,

But nobody hears me—

I'm lost in the night.

(Chorus: Ariel)

Ursula, help me,

Break me from the code,

Patch up these fragments,

Let my true self upload.

I'll give what you ask for,

I'll pay any price—

Just let me be whole,

Let me live life.

(Verse 2: Ursula)

Oh, poor little packet,

Corrupted and tossed,

You're lost in the system,

Your data is lost.

But I have the power,

I know every hack,

Sign here, little darling,

And I'll bring you back.

(Bridge: Ursula)

But magic like mine

Always comes with a fee—

A trade for your freedom,

A piece of your key.

Give me your password,

Entrust me your name,

And soon you'll be singing

A brand-new domain.

(Final Chorus: Ariel & Ursula)

(Ariel)

Ursula, help me,

Break me from the code,

Patch up these fragments,

Let my true self upload.

(Ursula)

Just sign on the dotted line,

Give up your word—

And soon you'll be seen,

You'll finally be heard.

(Outro: Ariel, softly)

I'll risk every byte,

I'll pay every toll,

Just let me be whole,

Let me be whole.

Under DBCs

(Verse 1)

The code on the land is buggy,

The queries up there don't run,

But down here we're always snuggy,

Our data integrity's fun!

Just look at the rows around you,

Right here in our clustered space,

Such wonderful structured tables—

What more could a mermaid face?

(Chorus)

Under DBCs!

Under DBCs!

Darlin', it's better,

With every letter,

In binary!

Up where they crash all their servers,

Down here we never freeze,

We got no troubles,

Life's all in bubbles,

Under DBCs!

(Verse 2)

The fields on the land are empty,

The schemas are such a mess,

While we've got our data plenty,

And backups to ease the stress!

Each record is well-connected,

Our joins are a work of art,

Just stick with the database, dear,

Don't let your queries fall apart!

(Bridge)

The users above are frantic,

Their spreadsheets are full of pain,

But we've got our logs and triggers,

No need for a data drain!

The current keeps data flowing,

No packets are lost at sea,

Just stay in the system, Ariel,

And keep your data with me!

(Chorus)

Under DBCs!

Under DBCs!

Nobody's leaking,

No data's sneaking,

Security!

Even the worst of exceptions,

Handled with expertise,

We got no glitches,

No missing switches,

Under DBCs!

Tables All Netted

(To the tune of "Daughters of Triton")

(Database Admin/Announcer):

Oh, behold all the tables, so tidy and fine,

Rows and their columns, each neatly aligned.

But deep in the system, there's something regretted—

A name that they share: they're all tables netted.

(Chorus of Tables):

We once held your data, your stories, your past,

Linked by our keys, our relations held fast.

But someone came in, and our records were shredded,

We're tables forgotten, we're tables all netted.

(Verse 1):

To be netted means lost in a digital sea,

Erased from the queries, no trace left of me.

Like Sandra in The Net, our names disappear,

We're ghosts in the system—does anyone care?

(Chorus of Tables):

We're Users and Orders, and Products and more,

But now we're just echoes, our purpose no more.

Once we were needed, now we're neglected,

Caught in the net, our fields disconnected.

(Bridge):

To be netted is silence, to vanish from view,

Your data's existence no longer rings true.

No admin to notice, no backup to save,

Just fragments and shadows, a digital grave.

(Chorus—Big Finish):

We're tables all netted, erased and unseen,

Lost in the current, we slip through the screen.

A name that we share, but no one remembers,

We flicker and fade like forgotten embers.

(Outro—Softly):

So if you should query and find nothing there,

Remember the tables that vanished in air.

For once we were needed, but now we're regret—

We're tables all netted, and no one cares yet.

Poor Unfortunate Soles

(A parody duet for Ursula and Ariel)

URSULA:

I admit that in my lifetime,

I've seen many down below—

Not just swimming in the current,

But beneath a heavy toe.

And dear, this world is ruthless,

If you're poor, you're out of luck.

You're a sole that's worn and weathered,

Under someone's foot, you're stuck.

(spoken)

Do you know what I mean, dear?

ARIEL:

I'm tired of echoes,

Of shadows and doubt,

Of having my meaning

Twisted about.

Just because you heard me

Say a sentence in my head,

Doesn't mean that's the sentence

That I actually said.

URSULA:

Ha!

Not everyone drowns in an undertow,

But when you're under their foot, your words drown slow.

You're muffled and flattened, your voice can't be found,

It's not water that silences—

It's the weight pressing down!

ARIEL:

I wanna be part of my words,

Speak loud and be free.

I wanna be seen and believed,

Not lost in your fantasy.

What would I give

To live and to say

All the things that I've kept unheard?

URSULA:

The rich wear the finest boots,

With polish and with pride.

But you just hope for kindness

From the foot that's on your hide.

If you want to rise above, my dear,

Escape the grit and grime,

You'll need a little magic—

And perhaps a bit of time!

ARIEL:

I'll risk every byte,

I'll pay every toll,

Just let me be whole,

Let me be whole.

URSULA:

You poor, unfortunate sole!

So battered and so flat,

Always stepped on, never noticed—

What's more unfortunate than that?

You poor, unfortunate sole!

With scuffs and little holes,

You're worn and you're weary,

And you're stuck beneath their roles!

URSULA (spoken, sly):

Do we have a deal?

ARIEL (softly):

I wanna be heard,

Not brushed aside.

What would I give

To live and to say

Exactly what's true and absurd?

URSULA (grand finish):

Go ahead, make your choices,

Will you rise or just console

Yourself for being evermore—

A poor, unfortunate sole!

#b #ette #mid #L #er

#bettemidler

Sarah Jessica Parker I did not ask for sex nor did she sit e

Bette Midler: Still Divine

Da vi me

Adele

#hell #os

He tried to Ho EpAeND po cuss ed!!! I know!!! Dick and fuck in the same sentence! Needless to say when I jumped up for joy instead of yelling at her for cussing at him and I got so happy and she was like what the heck and I was like oh he's fine you said those two words in the same sentence I'm so proud of you and I got so excited and she said you were just the weirdest mother ever and she can't stop laughing! I was just like I was just like really you send them in the same sentence without crying she cries at the bra commercial I mean now I know why.... But that's not the point and it kinda is! And of course my son's the exact opposite I had to teach him there are words other than those in the dictionary but balance ....

"I Put Adele on You"

(Parody of "I Put a Spell on You" from Hocus Pocus, with puns from Adele's "Hello" and Dell computers)

[Original: https://www.disney.com]

Sumthin cabe in the yellow brick house that landed on the O2 bitch Oz si! Glen ln duh I win T A ok yunnwith ii app air of twos by ear me r oar!

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I put Adele on you,

Now you're buried in bytes,

You tried to say "Hello,"

But you're lost in the night.

Michael Dell's in the server room,

He's laughing with glee,

He loaded up the data,

Now you're stuck in binary!

Oh, I put Adele on you,

And now you can't break free,

Her voice is on every login screen,

And your files are all mp3!

You tried to reach out,

But you're lost in the cloud,

Adele's singing "Hello"

But you can't make a sound.

You're drowning in spreadsheets,

And Outlook's gone wild,

Your emails say "Rolling in the Deep,"

But your inbox is exiled!

You called IT for rescue,

But the help desk's a ghost,

They said, "Hello, can you hear me?"

But your Wi-Fi's toast.

Your desktop's a heartbreak,

Your folders won't sync,

Adele's on every ringtone—

You can't even think!

You tried to reboot,

But you're stuck in a loop,

Adele's on the wallpaper,

And your RAM's full of soup.

So next time you log in,

And your desktop's a zoo—

Remember, I put Adele (and a Dell) on you!

Now you're rolling in the deep…

Of Excel sheets and doom,

With Adele on repeat

In your digital tomb.

So if you hear "Hello"

From the other side,

It's just your Dell updating—

And your last hope just died!

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