I killed my step brother.
I stabbed him fifteen times in the chest and enjoyed as his eyes went wide when he saw my face. I watched with satisfaction as his lifeless body slouched and hit the floor, and he was laying in his pool of blood.
All remorse and humanity had left my soul on the day he announced he was taking a wife.
How could he? After what he did to me, how could he think of starting a new life after ruining mine?
I told him not to, I begged him in tears, on my knees, under a heavy shower not to to take a wife and ruin both of our lives; but he didn't listen. So I killed him on his wedding day.
My stepbrother started molesting me when I was ten and he was eighteen at that time. He would call me to his room and tell me, "Flower, take off your pant."
And I would, like the obedient child I was. My mother told me that I must construct a strong bond with our new family and the only way to do so is if I obeyed Connor, and so I did.
I would take off my pant, lay down on his bed and spread my legs like he'd asked, and then he would insert his fingers into me and play with me, and when he was done, he would give me a candy, plant a kiss on my forehead and then ask me to leave.
We kept going through the same routine every other day until I was thirteen. I was becoming a woman.
Like usual, Connor called me to his room and stripped me down and asked me to lay down on the bed, but that day, something changed, he didn't stick his fingers, no, he entered me. He fucked me so hard that I couldn't walk properly for a week.
My mother and new father were too busy to notice as they were both occupied with work, or maybe, they just decided to turn a blind eye.
What horrified and gave me nightmares was no longer a crime to me, I fell in love with him; became addicted to his touch. And I watched as Connor dated so many girls but I never felt threatened by them because no matter, he would always come back home to his flower. I was his little secret and he, my master.
When I turned sixteen, Connor came home with a new woman on my birthday. She had the body of a model and the face of an actor - she was beautiful. She looked perfect in that blue fitted dress, perfect smile and all. He announced to the entire family that they were engaged and she's the woman he wants to spend his life with.
As I gripped that fruit knife while listening to him, I could have killed her right there and then but I didn't, I was patient.
They left together and he only returned late at night, our parents were out.
I started begging him not to marry her and guess what Connor said.
He said, "Stop being such a clingy bitch! I enjoyed you for what's worth but I never said anything about loving you or marrying you so stop living in your fantasy world Flower, snap out of it!"
'Flower' was the nickname he gave me and everyone else called me that.
He broke my heart, shattered my dreams of
being together with the man I love. So on his wedding day, I went to meet him in the dressing room. I wore a plain mustard dress and tied my hair in a polished bun while he rocked a well tailored white suit. He looked handsome. The suit made his blue eyes pop - they looked like the ocean. His eyes were one of his many features that I loved.
I wore makeup that day and when he saw me, he was impressed. He closed the door and fingered me till I couldn't breathe then he fucked me so hard I felt I was going to die.
When he was done, he puts his pants back on and sled my dress down with a smile, then he said,
"Well, I will definitely miss this, Flower. Now that I am starting a new life, it is time you find someone else to make you happy."
"But you make me happy." I said, my eyes overflowing with tears.
Connor shot me an unemotional look, "Well, Flower, you were truly delicious and I enjoyed you a lot. But now …" he inhaled, fixing his hair as he watched himself in the mirror, "Now I gotta be a man to Linda. Let's forget about everything, okay?"
My heart sunk in a deeper place and then disappeared along with my humanity.
And when I grabbed that knife, spun Connor around and stabbed him in the chest, I enjoyed seeing the look of fear and shock reflecting in his eyes so I kept stabbing and stabbing him till he couldn't make a sound and, then I watched his body hit the floor.
In a matter of seconds, he lay in his pool of blood and I sat next to him, caressing his hair as I hushed him to eternal sleep of agony and pain.
When Linda snuck in to see her groom which isn't really allowed in the first place, she was greeted by me and Connor's pale body on the floor. She screamed so loud I could still hear her sometimes in my sleep.
But what did I do wrong? All I did was make sure that just like he kept me to himself all those years, I also did the same. I am the only woman who lived with him and who was with him in his moment of death.
The judges heard my plea, Connor was a criminal after all. He molested, exploited, groomed, and then betrayed me. Stabbing him was my mercy upon him and I bet he knows it too. So I was given ten years, I was still an underage at that time.
'A sixteen year old teen stabbed her stepbrother fifteen to on his wedding day for molesting her' became the hot news at that time. My mother and his father eventually separated and his father died of heart attack while my mother, she disappeared and never once showed up to see me in prison.
Prison wasn't exciting at first. It takes a lot of gut and will to survive. I was bullied by women double my size, criminals who committed worse crimes than I.
I didn't commit a crime, I punished a criminal, so I had to survive one way or the other.
Flower died that day along with Connor, now the only girl left is Freda; the new me.
And Freda is tough, Freda is not easily broken, Freda is everything I have ever wanted to become: strong, fearless, sexy, badass. I became everything, I became a bad girl. I was already a naughty one so now I am bad.
I was given a pair of white singlet, blue jacket and denim pants with white sneakers and a p-cap. I bathed, sprayed perfume but had no smile on my face. It's ten years already?
There is nothing and no one to go back to.
I stepped out of the black gates that have confined me for ten years from the outside world but I felt no relief; I am broken beyond repair.
So the first thing I did was, I paid Connor a visit with a withered rose, I placed it on his grave, prayed for his eternal doom, spat on it, and then I left.
I got myself a one bedroom studio apartment downtown and decided to live there; to start a new life.
My alarm clock woke me up. I tossed to the other side of bed, grabbed it and smashed it into the wall. I hate noise. This is the fifteenth clock that I destroyed.
I open my eyes, yawned, stretched, and headed into the bathroom. I took a cold shower, cleaned myself and slipped into an oversized black hoodie with black sweat pants to hide the tattoos all over my body.
I cut my hair in prison but it's growing back now so it's a bit challenging for me to take care of it. I used my comb, brushed it down and left it loose.
Taking two deep breaths, I put my black sneakers on and headed outside.
The sun is warm and caressing, the fall breeze blowing my hair behind me as I trekked to a nearby store.
I entered the place and was looking for my favorite drink when I overhear the store owner saying,
"That girl is an ex convict, she don murder her step brother. When I see her come here a month ago, I was scared shitless. Why would they release her so soon? She a little monster."
"Did you say she was sixteen when she killed him?" An unfamiliar male voice asked.
"I already told you, she a little devil. She killed him on his wedding day and made his bride watch. She stabbed him thirteen times."
I had gotten my stuff and appeared before them as the words left her mouth.
She was behind the counter and the unfamiliar man in a brown suit with a polished blonde hairstyle and beautiful green eyes was leaning against it as they gossiped.
Upon seeing me, she cleared her throat, signaling for him to keep quiet.
I kept the can of cola with a loud thud and the woman slightly jumped - clearly startled. She is jumpy around me, I like that.
She quickly scanned it, swiped my card and put my drink in a leather bag and handed it to me. Her hands were shaking when she did.
My lips curved as I take the bag from her and turned to leave.
The moment she gave a sigh of relief changed my mind.
I stop and face her, and when our eyes meet, she swallowed.
With a straight face, I said, "It wasn't thirteen, I stabbed him fifteen times." I shot her a soft smile, "Have a good day miss Johnson"
I glanced at the unfamiliar handsome man and our eyes locked for the briefest of seconds then I gave them a nod and sailed out.
Miss Johnson started panicking, "You heard her right? She stabbed him fifteen times! And she called my name, how the hell does she know my name?"
"Maybe, you are her next victim?" The man teased, pushing miss Johnson to panic more, "Don't be joking with me like that Trey, you planning to give me a heart attack?"
Trey chuckled softly, "No. Sorry, was just joking."
I left the store and on my way back home, I could swear someone was following me. My sixth sense developed when I was in prison; one had to be extra vigilant and wary of his environment especially when you have no one to rely on in this cold cruel world.
I rushed upstairs to the second floor and entered my apartment, locking the door behind me. I place the shopping bag down on my desk and rushed to the window, slightly pulling away the blind just enough for me to peek through.
I knew it, someone was really following me, but to my surprise, it turns out that my stalker is the unfamiliar guy gossiping about me with miss Johnson.
He stood there across the street like a statue, eyes fixed on my apartment window. It was like he could see me from down there, but that'd be impossible.
He was there for almost half and hour and I didn't budge from my spot either, until eventually, he strolled off back the way he came from.
I watched his retreating figure and only left the window when he was out of sight. I was suddenly parched from standing like that for half an hour.
I walked to the refrigerator, opened the door, grabbed a bottle of chilled water and closed it. I undid the cap and brought the water to my lips, about to take a sip when something catches my eye.
A yellow sticky note is glued to my refrigerator door and it said,
"Hello Flower, welcome back. I have missed you …We all have"