Yoo Sangah and Lee Seolhwa giggled when Lee Jihye gasped at Kim Dokja's declaration.
"Oh ho," Han Sooyoung's eyebrows vanished up into her hair, a malicious grin spreading across her face. "He can be cute, hmm?"
"Like you guys can be cute sometimes," Kim Dokja added. Fuck, he'd messed up. "And the kids. You know, endearing."
'You're endearing.'
He didn't know why the fuck Yoo Joonghyuk's words earlier that day had popped up into his mind, but he was so damn glad that he was drinking at the moment. Because he felt himself blush at the thought and if someone asked, he could just say it was because of the alcohol.
"Is he good-looking or not?" Kim Namwoon snarled. "That's the question here. If he's not cute, is he handsome?"
"Yeah," Kim Dokja could answer that easily. "He's really good-looking."
"OOOH!"
"Yeeaaah, that's what I'm talking about!"
"On a scale from one to ten, how good-looking is he?" Jung Heewon said.
"Ten, I guess?"
"What's with that dumb scale," Han Sooyoung scoffed. "You've got to use the Kim Dokja scale. Kim Dokja, how many times can your Joonghyuk-ssi slap our Joonghyukkie's cheek?"
His traitorous friends snickered and giggled. Yoo Joonghyuk rolled his eyes and grumbled something under his breath that made Lee Seolhwa laugh.
"I think they're similar," Kim Dokja said.
"Really?"
"Like Master?"
"Bullshit, no one can be like Captain. That's a fucking lie."
"I didn't say identical," Kim Dokja said exasperatedly. "But a teensy bit similar, now that I'm looking at it. You know what? You two look sort of similar, actually. Your hair is almost the same too, dark, wavy."
He wouldn't elaborate any further. He was going to just leave it out there, because if, by any chance, they happened to meet, everyone would come for him, demanding to know why he'd never mentioned that it was basically a Yoo Joonghyuk lookalike. It would make it obvious that he knew everything from the start and he suspected his Yoo Joonghyuk would feel like he was betrayed if he found that Kim Dokja was buddies with his family that he despised so much, keeping him in the dark all this time.
But this way, Kim Dokja had a way of washing it off his hands and giving some excuse for his actions.
Jang Hayoung clapped her hands loudly, bringing him out of his thoughts.
"We're getting more information, everyone!" she called.
"Yeah," Lee Jihye cheered. "Tall, ripped, handsome, wavy hair, cute. What else?"
"What else?"
"Hey, are you sure?" said Han Sooyoung. "Think properly. How many times can he slap that broody bastard's cheeks?"
They were more or less the same, weren't they? How was he supposed to say that without giving anything more away?
"Think, Kim Dokja, think," Han Sooyoung said, placing her index fingers on her temples.
Lee Jihye and Kim Namwoon kicked up a chant of, "Think. Think. Think. Think."
And soon, the others joined in, slapping their knees to the beat.
"I don't know," Kim Dokja cried, overwhelmed by the pressure he was put under out of the blue.
He thought about Yoo Joonghyuk's heterochromia. That eye wasn't exactly golden, it just looked so when it caught the light at a certain angle. It was more or less a light brown, completely different from his other, darker eye. They both looked like precious jewels unearthed from the deepest abyss of the world, uncut and raw.
He thought about the tiny smile the man had. The gentle, sincere look in his eyes when he'd told Kim Dokja that he could come to him if he ever needed him.
"Maybe once?" Kim Dokja said frantically. "Like when he smiles?"
The howling and jeering were enough to make him deaf.
But even Yoo Joonghyuk would look incredibly handsome when he smiled. Only he didn't often smile, at least not at Kim Dokja. Yoo Joonghyuk's smiles of adoration were reserved for Mia and Lee Seolhwa.
Kim Dokja and the rest of their friends were subject to the smug smirks that one would have to look very carefully to notice.
Kim Dokja downed the rest of his beer and took the next one that Jang Hayoung offered him.
He was going to ignore anything else that was going to come his way now. He was tired and had enough. No more, thanks.
Whatever his friends said went in through one ear and was out the other, he wasn't sure if they were teasing him or saying something important. He didn't care either way.
Kim Dokja sat there, on the floor, sipping on his third cold beer, letting his thoughts run loose.
A bit after midnight, Yoo Joonghyuk brought out the blankets and a couple of pillows and dumped them in the living room. Whoever wanted them could take them.
Jung Heewon covered Lee Jihye and Jang Hayoung who were already knocked out because of the alcohol with one blanket and went back to chatting with the rest.
At around one, the kids were asked to stop their sleepover games and go to bed. They did so a little reluctantly, but the exhaustion of the day caught up to them and they fell asleep quickly.
Yoo Sangah and Han Sooyoung were cuddled on the armchair and Lee Hyunsung was dozing off, head on Jung Heewon's shoulder. Kim Dokja had moved to the sofa beside Lee Seolhwa and Kim Namwoon was snoring softly, limbs splayed out as he slept.
The adults were talking about politics now. Kim Dokja had zero interest in any of that and only vaguely listened, nursing the somaek Han Sooyoung had made him in a beer can.
Half past one, and Jung Heewon was out like a light, face buried in her boyfriend's chest as she slept. Han Sooyoung was talking in soft whispers to Yoo Sangah and Lee Seolhwa had her head on Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulder.
Kim Dokja felt the tiredness settle upon his bones and supposed he would be falling asleep soon. He moved towards the end of the sofa and leaned against the armrest. He did not want to fall over or onto anyone in his sleep.
The rule was that whoever was the last one to get knocked out got the guest room. Kim Dokja thought it might be him, but he couldn't be bothered to get up from the sofa.
He closed his eyes, but sleep seemed to evade him suddenly. Well, he was sure he'd drift off to dreamland somehow and kept his eyes closed, letting his breath even out and his body relax.
The quiet talking slowly died down and silence fell. He drowsily felt something like footsteps walking across the room. And then all was quiet again.
Even as he felt his brain fall into a lull, he heard a soft giggle.
Oh, people were still awake. Were they doing something to him? No, he didn't feel anyone near him, so he was in the safe.
A few vague clicks. Probably Yoo Joonghyuk, he thought numbly. He was probably going to bed too, switching off all the lights in the house. Made sense. Good night, sleep well.
Kim Dokja forced himself to raise a heavy arm and slung it over his eyes. He had just started to go to sleep, damn it. Why was he awake now? Should he start counting sheep or something?
Kim Dokja stretched his legs and loosened his ankles, his joints clicking satisfyingly. He grew more aware of the sounds in the room, the rhythmic breathing, soft snoring, an occasional rustle of a blanket as someone moved.
Ah, maybe he should get some water, wash his face, and take the guest bedroom. Sucks for everyone else.
Kim Dokja opened his eyes and stared into a dark room. He was right about the lights being turned off. The kitchen was still occupied though, light from that room seeping into the living room. Someone was still awake then.
Kim Dokja sat up and arched his back. Falling asleep on the sofa like that was clearly not the best thing to do. Worry not, comfortable bed in the guest bedroom, he was coming.
Kim Dokja was about to get to his feet when he was made aware of something. A lot of things, actually.
One, Han Sooyoung's head was lolling back, her mouth slightly open as she slept. Lee Jihye was the one who was snoring and Kim Namwoon had a leg on her, an anguished frown on his face. Jang Hayoung sounded like she was finding it difficult to breathe and that was probably because she had pulled the blanket over her head.
Even with everyone crowding the living room, it didn't account for all the sounds Kim Dokja was hearing.
He really wished he hadn't paid more attention. He wished he could go back in time and just convince himself to not move from his spot at all.
He could hear whispers from the kitchen and he didn't have to be a rocket scientist to figure it out.
They were in the kitchen, there was no sound of the dishes being washed or the tap running in the sink.
Even though this flat was much larger than Kim Dokja's apartment and had thicker walls, he could still hear things, especially when the kitchen was so close to the living room.
Kim Dokja slumped back on the sofa and closed his eyes.
He heard the light switch click in the distance and it was followed by heavy footsteps.
He recognised Lee Seolhwa's voice, "The dishes?"
"Tomorrow," Yoo Joonghyuk grunted out.
Kim Dokja was regretting a lot of his decisions. He shouldn't have tried to limit his drinking. He should have drank like Lee Jihye and gone out like a light. He wouldn't have to go through this if he had.
He shouldn't have pretended to be asleep either. He should have just walked into the kitchen when he first thought of wanting a glass of water. If he'd done that, he wouldn't have to listen to this.
"Not here, they'll wake up," Lee Seolhwa said, a little breathless.
"Don't care," was her fiancé's response.
A chuckle, retreating footsteps, the creaking of a door and Kim Dokja was wide awake. He didn't want to be. He didn't want to be awake at all.
His heart could only take so much.
He heard Lee Seolhwa mumble something inaudible and Yoo Joonghyuk responding with something that sounded a lot like "I love you."
Kim Dokja only opened his eyes after he heard a definitive click of a door locking.
Great way to end a day, wasn't it?
He didn't realise he had his teeth clenched until he relaxed his jaw to let out a rather painful exhale.
There goes any sleep he had. This was so fucking unfair.
Kim Dokja heaved himself to his feet, the sofa feeling like a quagmire, his body feeling like it weighed a ton. He wanted to get out of this place. His phone, where was his phone? It wasn't in his pocket.
Patting around on the sofa, he found it lying in the crack between the seat and the armrest. He clicked it on and winced at the brightness that assaulted his eyes.
Squinting, he checked the time. A bit over a quarter past two in the morning.
Kim Dokja crossed the room as quietly as possible, heading to the kitchen, his phone's flashlight on at the lowest level. He didn't want to step on anyone and wake them up.
It was unfair. So damn unfair. He despised all of this, he despised how his stupid head worked.
No one stirred as Kim Dokja took a water bottle out of the refrigerator and poured himself a glass of water. He would have washed the glass, but he saw that the sink was still full of dishes they'd used earlier. No one would notice if he left one more glass in that mess.
He made his way towards the bathroom outside, hoping no one would hear him.
He wanted to brush his teeth and then he realised he'd forgotten to get his little travel pouch with his toothbrush and a rolled up washcloth with him. He was supposed to bring it since he knew he was going to be spending the night here and he had even put it out on his bed that morning.
He'd forgotten to grab it on his hasty way out because he didn't want Yoo Joonghyuk to wait for too long. Fuck.
He was having a good day, no, he was having a great day. He had a great time with the older Yoo Joonghyuk that morning, he was in high spirits when he got here, and he had a great time afterwards too.
So how did this one single incident that didn't even last five minutes drag him down? Why? How did that make sense? Why did he feel like his day was ruined even when, if pitted against each other, the number of good things that had happened far exceeded the single undesirable event of the day?
He couldn't even blame the alcohol for the headache he had. Over time, Kim Dokja had come to differentiate his headaches and he knew that this had nothing to do with his drinking.
Kim Dokja washed his face. Maybe he should use some of Yoo Joonghyuk's mouth wash and while he could raid his storage cabinet and find a spare toothbrush, he decided he would go to the convenience store.
Everyone was sleeping, no one would notice if he left. And leave he wanted to. He wanted to get out of there that very second.
But unfortunately, getting out of there wasn't the end of the journey. Yoo Joonghyuk didn't exactly have a lot of convenience stores nearby. He had supermarkets and all, but they were all closed by now. The nearest 24-hour convenience store was at least half an hour away if he walked.
Kim Dokja ran a hand down his face and shook the water off it into the washbasin.
Well, he had time. He wanted to get something off his mind, everything aligned perfectly.
No one had moved in the living room when he left the bathroom. He also found out that thick, strong walls didn't mean completely soundproof.
He wouldn't have heard anything if he were in the guest room, really. It was because the only way to get to the bathroom was past the master bedroom, and the only way from the bathroom to the living room was again, past the master bedroom.
Kim Dokja was glad he hadn't forgotten to stuff a handkerchief into his pockets that morning. He rubbed the cotton cloth over his face, feeling the fabric get damp against his skin as he wiped his face dry. He folded his handkerchief up, not minding that it was almost wet and stuffed it back into his pocket.
Grabbing the power bank he brought, just in case, and checking if he had his wallet, phone and keys, Kim Dokja left the flat quietly.
It was a little chilly in the middle of the night. He put in the directions to the nearest convenience store on his phone and started his trudge. Luckily, Yoo Joonghyuk lived in a good neighbourhood with streetlights that always worked and plenty of security cameras.
Kim Dokja didn't mind getting killed as he got mugged. He only had a problem with having his belongings taken away and being left alive.
Wonder how he'd turn up on the news. He didn't think anyone would mention his name. It would be like his father's case, no one knew what his name was. If he went around and asked people, they might show some recognition of Lee Sookyung's name, but not whatever his father was called.
Or maybe, they would say something along the lines of the corpse found in a back alley being the son of the underground killer so that they could increase their ratings. A very reasonable thing to do, after all, it all depended on how things were worded.
Funny how that worked.
Hmm, that wasn't going to do anything to improve his mood. And when he was sullen, his decision-making would get impaired. Sadness tends to do that, tends fuck everything up.
It wasn't chilly, Kim Dokja realised. It was just windy. . .Well, that made it a little cool, but it was alright. He needed to clear his head anyway. This was nice.
Not the worst he'd been through, was it? . . .Sort of. This was only vague audio. Visuals would have killed him. His worst would probably be their wedding day.
Weddings sure were weird. Why would they do that? Make them kiss in front of everyone and then have a first night, basically screaming that they were going spend the night together, not to mention the honeymoon. Why couldn't all of this just remain private, like they're supposed to?
Ugh!
Don't be stupid, Kim Dokja, he chided himself.
Weddings were a day for the couple to unite in matrimony, legally, a happy day with all of their friends and family. The first night was a tradition and the honeymoon was a getaway for the newlyweds to unwind after the stress of the wedding and have some quality time together.
Stop bringing jealousy into it and ruining everything.
It would start raining soon. He'd have to make a note of carrying his umbrella with him. He hoped it would stay in shape. . .Oh, he didn't have to worry about that anymore. He could just buy a new umbrella if his old one broke now. His umbrella ripping in the middle of the monsoon wasn't a big worry anymore.
Huh...He still had little habits clinging, hiding in the dark cracks of his mind. They'll probably go away with time.
He had Yoo Joonghyuk to thank for all this. The older one, he meant.
If he hadn't been insistent, Kim Dokja would have never really gotten anywhere.
Team leader. It had been months and he was still not completely used to it.
He was being put in charge or something. He was asked to take responsibility. He was! Did that make any sense? What about him gave a sense of leadership?
It really wasn't easy being a good team leader though. He was trying to make his spot a little more permanent, and it sure was a lot of work. He knew how things worked at a company, and how connections and interpersonal relationships were crucial to attain success. He would be shunned if people found out that the only reason he'd gotten the position he was currently holding was because the CEO liked him a little.
And that would end up getting to his head, whether he wanted it to or not. He would go back to how he was and Yoo Joonghyuk would be disappointed in him.
There was only so much Yoo Joonghyuk could do for him, the rest was his to handle. And unfortunately, things didn't just land in his lap because he wanted them to, it took time. All he could do was attempt other things as he waited.
Kim Dokja took in his surroundings properly. He had been walking for quite some time now and had fallen into a steady, brisk pace, his footsteps the only thing he could hear on the empty road other than the rustling of the leaves of the trees.
October, was it, that annual celebration gala something? By then all these leaves would have changed colours, falling from their branches.
He would have to ask his CEO, Yoo Joonghyuk if certain things could cause a mess on the founding anniversary in October. If he said it did, he could hold back his plan.
. . .When would the sun rise again? Six in the morning? He had more than three hours for that. Should he just head home? Maybe find a taxi or something.
No, the others would get worried and he'd promised Yoosung that he would be there for breakfast.
There were barely any cars on the main road, only a couple of taxis zooming by. Kim Dokja checked the map on his phone and made his way towards the convenience store.
He'd get a hangover cure, a toothbrush, maybe a coffee, a kimbap to reminisce about the old days, and then he'd head back.
The convenience store worker looked like a poor college student trying to make ends meet. Kim Dokja used to be there too. First, the toothbrush, before he forgot about it.
After paying for his purchase, Kim Dokja went to the farthest stool in the store and sat down, staring at the road outside through the glass.
A quiet night, he thought, raising his can of cold coffee to his lips.
His phone was dying again, it was a good thing he'd thought to bring his power bank along.
Stifling a yawn, Kim Dokkja put his can of coffee down on the slab before him and busied himself with his phone, connecting it to his power bank. With a soft chime, his phone started to charge.
Maybe he should take this time to read his web novels. He rarely had any time these days.
It wasn't easy. He had to work really hard, it was utterly tiring. He didn't understand how those influencers who boasted about waking up early and having a perfect daily schedule did all of that.
Kim Dokja woke up just in time to get ready and head to work. On the way, he would read through the study material. Honestly, he did not want to, but he was still lacking qualifications and he wanted to catch up.
Then he'd get to work, things were hectic again. He didn't understand why Department Head Hwang just didn't get that they were not going to make it with their time constraint. How the hell did he think the project was going to go live that soon? And those jerks in finance were always making excuses and being uncooperative.
With a little headache, Kim Dokja would head back home. Instead of web novels, he was practising his English now, reading the novels Yoo Sangah had recommended to him. He could read a little better now, he was not very confident in his speaking skills though.
Once he got home, he'd shovel some food into his mouth and catch up on work and his studying.
Every day, Kim Dokja asked himself if this was really necessary. It was too much work; he was tired and didn't want to do any of this. Couldn't he just go back to how he used to be?
Then he reminded himself, that right now, he was feeling some semblance of happiness in his daily life and not just going through gloomy, murky days. Even if it was really tiring and a chore, the sky was looking a little brighter these days.
He put the portable power bank down and picked up his can of coffee instead.
He noticed that his phone was still on silent and changed the settings. He didn't get anything important during the time it was on silent though, he wasn't sure what he was expecting. It was just a few texts on the group chat, his friends asking him where he was and how much longer it would take him after he'd told them that he would be a little late.
The host of the party, Yoo Joonghyuk, was the only one who didn't send a single reply. Well, it wasn't necessary. He knew Kim Dokja was alright and the others were already asking and telling him all that he needed to know.
He read the text Lee Seolhwa had sent amongst the others.
'It's alright
Take your time Dokja-ssi'
He sighed softly.
In a way, she was the hostess, wasn't she?
He scrolled through Han Sooyoung's angry texts demanding him to respond. What did she think spamming was going to do, seriously?
Reading a few of the texts he had skipped over, he saw that they were mostly typed in by the kids, borrowing the adults' phone because they didn't see him even though he was supposed to be there at seven.
He wished they wouldn't love him so much. He wished they wouldn't be so attached to him.
He knew why they liked him so much, the way they did, and he wished they didn't have to. He wished they'd have happier childhoods. Instead of clinging to the awkward, little things he could give, he wished they could be like normal children and experience a better life with better adults taking care of them.
Just as he was about to close the app and click his phone off, something caught his eye and he sat a little straighter.
'Yoo Joonghyuk**'
Kim Dokja stared.
. . .Should he laugh? He felt like laughing a little.
Besides the name, the generic, default icon that he had grown used to seeing over the past two years had changed. And when Kim Dokja checked, he found that he had been right.
Yoo Joonghyuk had changed his profile picture into the photo of the sunflowers Kim Dokja had taken in the evening and forwarded to him.
He made that his profile picture?!
Because of their conversation about it?
How was he supposed to respond to this though? Maybe he should send a text saying 'Nice profile pic' with a funny sticker or something? Or maybe he should make a joke about giving credit to the photographer? Maybe pretend he didn't see anything at all?
Kim Dokja paused. . .Hang on, he had something to check.
He went on his social media apps.
A snort escaped Kim Dokja when he saw that Yoo Joonghyuk had changed his profile picture there as well, it was the same sunflowers.
Now he's got to say something!
'I noticed the change in profile pic
No credits for the photographer?'
Kim Dokja sent it out and then went in search of a suitable sticker to send.
It was three in the morning, he wasn't expecting a response back so he could take his time to find the best one. He finally found a winking puppy and sent it.
It still felt a little insufficient.
'You don't mind if we match, do you, Joonghyuk-ssi?'
This was such a silly thing to do.