The consequences of that were a bit too heavy for him to handle.
He wasn't going to make it very long like this . . .How old was his mother when she passed away? She had been young, all things considered, she could have lived longer if only she'd told someone about it earlier and got the treatment done.
Kim Dokja sighed softly.
What was the point? What would he accomplish by cribbing and whining about something in the past that he could do nothing about now?
It was a little suspicious how the kids didn't stay with him indoors and pulled him outside to the park. They usually stayed inside, and it was a summer afternoon.
. . .Ah, was it because he didn't have an A/C? No, no, he wasn't offended, that was very understandable.
But still, they should go somewhere with shade.
Kim Dokja took the kids to the convenience store and bought them ice creams.
"Oppa will be super mad at you," Mia said, though she sounded pretty happy to be relishing her cool treat.
"It was boiling hot out there," said Kim Dokja. "I think he'd be more mad that I let you three melt into little puddles."
"Humans don't melt, what are you saying, Ahjussi?" Mia scoffed.
"Hey," Gilyoung snapped, coming to defend Kim Dokja. "It's a figure of speech. You don't know anything."
"And you know what it is?"
"Yes, I do, because I'm smart. Like Hyung, and you're not."
"You're not smart," Yoosung laughed at the boy. "You're dumb. Ahjussi's way better than you."
"Guys, don't fight now," Kim Dokja placated them before it got loud and the three of them made a ruckus outside. He would have let them sort it out for themselves if they were inside, but they were in public now.
Kim Dokja should have known.
He was seeing Yoo Joonghyuk after a long time and boy, did he look mad.
He got shoved into Yoo Joonghyuk's car, the kids filing into the back, very happy as Yoo Joonghyuk drove them to his home. The kids were having a sleepover apparently.
Well, Kim Dokja knew that he couldn't avoid the inevitable forever. It was going to happen and honestly, he thought he had lasted longer than he'd thought it would take. Luckily, the kids kept talking to Kim Dokja throughout the drive, and Yoo Joonghyuk didn't get the chance to say anything that would shatter Kim Dokja's heart.
He had been to Yoo Joonghyuk's flat countless times.
Lee Seolhwa greeted him at the door, beaming.
"Dokja-ssi, long time no see!"
"Long time no see, indeed," Kim Dokja laughed, toeing his shoes off and putting them to the side like he always did.
"How's everything?—Ah, first things first. Congratulations!"
Kim Dokja took both of Lee Seolhwa's hands in his and shook them energetically.
"You're the best, Seolhwa-ssi," he said. "I don't think anyone else can handle this idiot."
"Shut up," Yoo Joonghyuk snapped, aiming a kick at him but Kim Dokja had enough experience with this and managed to dodge it.
"Seolhwa-ssi, if he ever hurts you, and you plan murder, count me in," Kim Dokja said. Lee Seolhwa giggled.
"Kim Dokja!"
"Tsk, she's too good for you," Kim Dokja clicked his tongue. "You and that temper issue of yours."
"I don't have a temper issue," Yoo Joonghyuk snarled. "You are just stupid and annoying. Shut up and come eat."
Dinner was lively and they were all laughing and joking throughout. The kids were watching some movie and soon, they all crowded in the living room of the flat, watching the movie.
Yoosung and Gilyoung clung to Kim Dokja's sides and he was so glad that they had done it.
He could see the kids glowing as he stroked their heads gently. It was a win-win. He got to be distracted and the kids felt happy. Kim Dokja didn't want to think about the couple sitting right next to him.
Lee Seolhwa had leaned into Yoo Joonghyuk and Yoo Joonghyuk had an arm around her waist, both looking serene and content.
"Gosh, you two love birds, seriously?" Kim Dokja huffed with a smile. "There are kids here, you know?"
"There are kids here!"
"Yeah, yeah!"
Gilyoung and Yoosung made faces and covered their eyes with their hands, Mia imitated them, all three grinning widely.
"Shut up," Yoo Joonghyuk punched his arm lightly as Lee Seolhwa chuckled.
"Popcorn would be nice," Kim Dokja leaned back on the sofa.
"I know right," Mia sighed dramatically. "I told Oppa, but he won't listen."
"You just had dinner," Yoo Joonghyuk said sternly. "You won't even be able to eat it."
It was late by the time the movie finished and they refused to let Kim Dokja go.
"The last train's already gone," Yoo Joonghyuk said.
"You should stay the night, Dokja-ssi," Lee Seolhwa nodded.
"It's dangerous when it's dark, Ahjussi," Mia said, crossing her arms like her brother always did and levelling him with the same look Yoo Joonghyuk was giving him.
Eventually, Kim Dokja had no choice but to give in.
The kids cheered and somehow he got pulled into their sleepover.
"Don't let them stay up late," Yoo Joonghyuk made sure to warn him before retiring for the night.
Kim Dokja stayed up with the kids until one in the morning when they finally got tired and dozed off. He picked them up one by one and gently lowered them onto Mia's bed. He put the blankets over, tucked them in, wished the sleeping kids a good night, packed up all the stuff on the floor and set them aside neatly.
Then he headed to the guest room he always took when he stayed over at Yoo Joonghyuk's flat.
He was very familiar with this place after having visited the place for years.
He got into bed and the second his head hit the pillow, he was out. He had no energy left for anything, and falling asleep immediately prevented him from thinking about the couple in the other room.
He woke up to see Mia and Gilyoung wrestling and Yoosung standing with her arms spread out protectively before him.
"You can't do that to Hyung!" Gilyoung was screaming.
"It's summer!" Mia cried. "I'm giving him a refreshing bath."
In his half-asleep daze, Kim Dokja blinked at the little mug of water Mia was holding and Gilyoung was trying to push away.
He sat bolt upright. That was not the way he wanted to wake up at all.
"Ahjussi!" Yoosung cried in relief and hugged his arm, almost throwing his balance off and sending him toppling back onto the bed.
"Morning, you lot," Kim Dokja said, rubbing his eyes.
"I didn't bring any clothes you know," he told a rather disgruntled Mia. "How am I supposed to go home with wet clothes?"
"Borrow Joonghyuk Ahjussi's clothes," Yoosung said.
"Oppa's clothes won't fit him," Mia huffed. "Seolhwa Unnie's dress will be better."
Kim Dokja sighed and got out of bed.
He only left after breakfast and with hands full of Tupperware boxes with food that Yoo Joonghyuk had prepared. Kim Dokja was greeted by a bright, busy Sunday morning.
He wanted it to be over already, but at the same time, he didn't want Monday either.
Yoo Joonghyuk said he would drive him back, Kim Dokja asked him to shut up and stay at home, he was taking the train.
The second he got home, Kim Dokja put the food away in the kitchen and headed to his bed.
He had nothing to do. He was tired. He'd lie down for a while, a little nap.
Kim Dokja ended up sleeping the whole Sunday away. He wasn't surprised. He often did this.
Monday dawned and he disliked it already.
On his way to work, he saw that he had an unread message from Yoo Joonghyuk. The CEO one.
He'd invited him out for dinner again. He had sent the message in the afternoon and Kim Dokja had slept through it.
Kim Dokja quickly sent an apology, saying that he hadn't meant to leave him hanging like that, he was just asleep and didn't notice the message.
Yoo Joonghyuk's reply came a bit after noon, a bit before Kim Dokja's lunch break. It was probably that other man's lunch break now. . .Do CEOs have lunch breaks? Can't they just take a break whenever they want?
Yoo Joonghyuk said it was alright and asked him if he was free the next Saturday.
Han Sooyoung's words came to mind. Was he actually asking him out on a date? He wasn't hoping that their dinners and drinking nights would turn into dates, was he?
'Want to slack off, Joonghyuk-ssi?'
Came off as casual, right? He should be able to get some idea from the answer he received.
'I'm trying to get away from my secretary'
Kim Dokja stared at the text.
'She's bothering me'
'With work?'
'Yes
I have counted thirteen reports to go through in five days
I need an out
You're my out, Kim Dokja-ssi'
'13?
That's a lot
I would hate to work for your secretary'
'I hate it too
If you ever see her, do not tell her I said that'
Kim Dokja smiled weakly at the reply Yoo Joonghyuk had sent.
'You can count on me, Joonghyuk-ssi
I'll be your out
I'm an ally to all who want to slack off'
'Excellent
I will text you the address on Friday afternoon
Is that alright?'
'Totally!
Take your time, Joonghyuk-ssi
And take care sufficient rest'
'You too, Dokja-ssi'
'Yes!'
Kim Dokja went on autopilot again, just waiting for the day to be done.
Yoo Sangah found him taking his break up at the rooftop and they chatted for a while, then split up to go back to work.
Someone fucked something up and dumped it on Kim Dokja and Yoon Seungho, they both got scolded by their manager and then they got back to their desks.
And Kim Dokja found himself sitting on the subway train back home.
Most of his days were like this. A long, tedious experience he found torturous but by the time he reached home, it was a blur he couldn't be bothered to remember.
He had forgotten to give the kids the mochi last time, so he had it for himself now. He couldn't keep it for too long, it would go bad.
He was an adult, he could eat sweets for dinner if he wanted to.
Once he stripped off his work clothes and slipped into the comfortable ones he wore at home, Kim Dokja pulled up a web novel on his phone and settled at the dining table with the mochi.
His eyes took in the words, they got to his brain where he comprehended them and then he lost it. He kept reading though, it had been a rather boring story anyway. There was nothing good to read these days. He might just go look for the online versions of those books that Yoo Sangah kept recommending at this rate.
At some point, the story was just a jumble of words and a steady scrolling motion of his finger. His mind had left for foreign lands.
He put his phone down and decided to focus on the cold rice cake.
It was sweet and delicious. It was chewy but it didn't stick to his teeth, the dusting of rice flour on top of the pastel pink rice cake didn't feel chalky to the taste either, and with the sweet red bean filling, it was the perfect combo.
He should thank Yoo Joonghyuk when he saw him. . .Oh! He had the food his Yoo Joonghyuk had given him.
Kim Dokja made to get up from his seat, then he gave up and sank back into the chair. It would last longer. This mochi had been sitting for a while now and there was only so much his rickety old refrigerator could do to keep it fit for consumption.
The new Yoo Joonghyuk was a weird guy. Super weird.
And what was weirder was how he was unable to get the guy's words out of his head.
It made sense that he would remember him. That man stood out, from their very first meeting. It was weird how Kim Dokja remembered every single word the man had uttered.
He couldn't even remember what filling his gimbap had that afternoon, but he could remember what that man had said a bit over a month ago.
That man had said he'd wasted most of his life doing bullshit, but Kim Dokja couldn't bring himself to get angry at him.
He believed he was wasting his life away too.
And it felt a little nice to have someone believe in him like that, even though he really didn't have much potential.
. . .It was his Yoo Joonghyuk's birthday next month. Ah, that meant it was the new Yoo Joonghyuk's birthday as well.
He should put a reminder on his phone to wish the man.
Kim Dokja took his time savouring the last mochi, his stomach full from eating so many sweets. It was really delicious.
"What do you mean you're busy on Saturday?" Jung Heewon said through the phone pressed to his ear.
"Something came up," Kim Dokja chuckled nervously.
"You said that last time too!" his friend snapped.
"I'm sorry," Kim Dokja said sincerely. "I forgot about this when I agreed to the appointment."
Jung Heewon sighed.
"I'll change it," she said. "Let's meet on Friday night."
"What about the kids?" Kim Dokja said. "They have school. They'll be tired to come for dinner."
"It's summer, Dokja-ssi. No school. And those two don't go to cram school either."
"Ah, I forgot about that...You guys carry on without me."
"No can do," huffed Jung Heewon. "We haven't seen you in weeks now. I'll ask in the group chat."
Kim Dokja made a mental note to not forget this again. His friends were very proactive people, he didn't even know how they came to be.
. . .Maybe he should set a reminder on his phone. And for Yoo Joonghyuk's meeting too. And to eat the food in the fridge. He kept forgetting about it. He was setting a lot of reminders these days.
The restaurant owner was surprised that they had turned up on a Friday instead of their usual Saturdays. It was a small, hole-in-the-wall restaurant, but it was the only one Yoo Joonghyuk liked eating in so it had been their spot since they first found it during their university days. It used to be mid-way for both of them, so they would meet up there often.
Kim Dokja wasn't the last one to arrive, nor was he the first.
Greeting Lee Hyunsung and Jung Heewon, he took a seat next to them. Jung Heewon moved seats and sat down to his right, sandwiching him between the two.
Yoo Sangah was the next to arrive, and then came Jang Hayoung. Han Sooyoung was there some five minutes after that. Lee Jihye and Kim Namwoon came with Yoo Joonghyuk and Lee Seolhwa.
"Kim Dokja-ssi, you're alright, no?" Jang Hayoung asked from where she was squashed right against the wall at their usual large table at the restaurant.
"Yes? Why do you ask?" Kim Dokja said.
"Your face," said Lee Jihye and Kim Dokja's amicable smile fell away.
"What's with everyone saying that?" he grumbled.
"Because something's really wrong with your face," Kim Namwoon said. "And you, in general. What the hell is that?"
Everyone looked to see what Kim Namwoon was pointing at with a disgusted expression. Their gazes fell on Kim Dokja's hand that was holding his pair of chopsticks.
His short nails were painted with varying shades of red and pink.
"Ah, Yoosung and Mia did it for me," Kim Dokja said, letting go of his chopsticks and putting his hands forward, showing his painted nails off to the table. "During their sleepover."
"So that's why they took my nail polishes," Lee Seolhwa chuckled. "Since they're not allowed to do it, I was a little worried about it."
"Do you need a remover, Dokja-ssi?" Lee Hyunsung said. "I can go to the convenience store."
"That's alright, Hyunsung-ssi," Kim Dokja smiled. "They put a lot of effort into this. I think I'll let it sit until it goes away on its own."
Han Sooyoung huffed, Jung Heewon shook her head with a little sigh and Yoo Sangah smiled at her dumplings, Jang Hayoung giggled a little. Lee Jihye smacked Kim Namwoon on the back of his head for his stupid comment.
They didn't have to. He had just forgotten about it. It changed nothing in his life and he forgot about his bright nails.
Kim Namwoon kept trying to antagonise him and if Kim Dokja had some more energy, he would have given that little shit an ass whooping.
"How was the business trip, Dokja-ssi?" Lee Hyunsung asked, effectively distracting Kim Dokja from his very graphic imagination of beating Kim Namwoon.
"It was nice," Kim Dokja said. "A little boring, but alright."
"Ah, the one you went on to run away from your ex?" Kim Namwoon said and Kim Dokja considered shoving his chopsticks up the idiot boy's nose.
"What number is it this time?" Kim Namwoon drawled, ducking before Lee Jihye's swing could hit him on the head. Lee Jihye wasn't pleased that she had missed and she punched his back, sending him careening into the table, hitting the side of his chin on the wooden edge.
Yoo Joonghyuk glared at them and they stopped the scuffle before it escalated.