Some people say loneliness is a feeling.I don't agree.For me, loneliness is a person.
It's that silent, invisible figure that follows me everywhere — like a stubborn shadow I can't shake off. It sits with me at the back of the class. It walks beside me on my way home. It lies next to me at night when I stare at the ceiling, pretending not to cry.
Loneliness has a voice too.It whispers things to me when no one's around."Nobody really cares about you.""You're just a background character in everybody's story.""If you disappeared tomorrow, would anyone even notice?"
And the scariest part?Sometimes I believe it.
Today was one of those days.
Ire was busy, Bryant didn't even look my way, and everyone else treated me like air. I sat alone during break, pretending to be engrossed in my phone when there was nothing on the screen but my cracked wallpaper.I tried to smile. I tried to act like it didn't matter. But it did.
It always does.
And it's not like I haven't tried. I've tried being louder. I've tried being invisible. I've tried cracking jokes. I've tried ignoring people. Nothing works. The loneliness always finds a way to crawl back in, like rain through a leaking roof.
I remember once during assembly, I looked around and realized no one was standing beside me. It was like the world had shifted two steps away from where I was. I don't know if they did it on purpose or if I'm just easy to forget.
And the truth is — it hurts.It hurts in ways I can't explain.It's like carrying a weight no one else can see.
People think loneliness is about being alone in a room. It's not.It's being surrounded by people and still feeling like you don't exist.It's laughing when your heart is breaking.It's listening to conversations you'll never be a part of.
It's walking into a place and feeling like the walls are closing in because you know no one will call your name.
And I hate it.I hate this person called Loneliness that won't leave me alone.
Sometimes I dream of a different version of me. One where I'm bold, fearless, the life of the party. The girl people run to, not the one they forget. The girl whose absence is noticed.But I always wake up still being me.
Dear Diary,Today, Loneliness held my hand a little tighter.And I'm so, so tired of pretending it's not there.
– Amiya