Kuzu Arakawa had always been a walking disaster.
And, clearly, death was just the joke at the expense of his crappy life. One minute, he was grumbling curses about his boss to himself over a generic coffee in his small, badly lit office. The next? He was laid out flat, slipping on a patch of ice, and discovering the sudden, unglamorous feeling of his skull encountering the sidewalk.
It wasn't a heroic one. It wasn't even a tragic one. It was… stupid. Typical.
But when Kuzu opened his eyes, he wasn't gazing at the gray, cold pavement or the city skyline he'd never been able to escape. No. He was gazing at an endless forest, lit by the soft light of an otherworldly moonlight. Towering, tall trees loomed around him, their gnarled branches twisting in unnatural shapes.
"Geez, that's new," Kuzu grumbled, massaging his eyes. He could hardly feel his body. It was waking up from a bad dream that refused to end. "Did I die? Did I wake up in some other world? No way, am I trapped in some shitty fantasy book?"
Before he could wrap his head around what was happening to him, there was a voice booming loudly through his skull, a sledgehammer-like shock.
"HAHAHA! WELCOME TO YOUR SECOND CHANCE, TRASH!"
Kuzu's head jerked up. His mouth dried out as a radiating figure materialized in the air in front of him. It was sitting on a throne composed of trash. Crumpled fast food wrappers, crushed cans, and spilled beverage cups made up the strange seat. The figure itself was surrounded by a soft, radiating glow, its features indistinct but taunting.
"Oh great," Kuzu groaned, rubbing his temples. "Really? A glowing trash god? What's next, an ancient prophecy about me saving the world with nothing?"
The figure chuckled once more, the sound resonating in the air. "You're more in touch with your own self, I'll credit you with that," the god said, a clear amusement visible on his face. "I am the one who's granted you a redo. After all, your initial life was so embarrassing, wouldn't you say?"
Kuzu raised an eyebrow, his stomach turning with a hollowed-out sense. "All right, hold up, who in the hell are you? And why the hell am I here? I wasn't necessarily a great soul in my last life, but I don't need this. this." He swept his arms wide at the absurdity of the forest and the glowing garbage throne.
The god's smile warped into something too smug. "Oh, you're still Kuzu Arakawa, huh? Pitiful nobody who squandered his life away in a nowhere job, no friends, no drive, just going through the motions until the inevitable. Garbage." The word hung in the air, heavy with derision.
Kuzu's fists balled. "I wasn't that bad—okay, yeah, I wasn't fantastic, but—"
"Exactly," the god interrupted, his voice louder, more mocking. "You were a failure. A waste of potential, a disappointment. But. mercy. You're getting another shot. Lucky you. You'll reincarnate into Aeloria, a world full of magic and adventure. Isn't that just wonderful?"
Kuzu opened his mouth to protest, but the god wasn't finished.
"I'll even give you a gift, since I'm so generous," the god went on, snapping his fingers. There was a glowing screen in front of Kuzu. It looked like a cheap RPG menu.
[Ding!]
"Congratulations, Kuzu Arakawa—wait, no, it's Kaelen now, right? You get a new name!"
Kuzu blinked. "Wait, seriously? Kaelen? So, I don't get some awesome name like Kael or whatever? I get Kaelen? That's the best you could do?"
The god smiled. "Kaelen sounds pretty nice, don't you think? Oh, who cares about that? Let's not be distracted by your name. You have greater problems ahead." The god's eyes sparkled. "Now, I've created a little system for you. A. friend, really, to guide you through this wretched life. You're welcome."
Kuzu—Kaelen, whoever he was—looked at the screen in dismay, his stomach twisting in confusion.
[Trash System Activated]
"Abilities:
Trash Talk (Level 1): You can insult anything, including inanimate objects. Yes, it's as pointless as it sounds.
Nothing (Level 1): You literally have nothing. Not a coin, not a sword, not even a decent set of clothes. Enjoy the struggle.
Unlucky B*stard (Passive): The more you try to do something, the more likely you'll fail."**
Kuzu's hand smacked his forehead. "Are you serious? This is my 'gift' from you? A garbage system? The only thing that would make this better is if I had no stats."
The god's smile only widened. "Oh, don't worry, Kaelen. I'm sure you'll have wonderful use for this system. You're trash, anyway. This is beautiful. Don't you adore it?"
Kaelen breathed deeply, attempting to calm his temper. "So, what then? Do I receive a sword? An opportunity to battle monsters? Or are you going to toss me into the equivalent of a tutorial for beginners with low-level monsters? Perhaps a rat or two?
Oh, believe me, there's no tutorial for you," the god laughed. "You're on your own. Your first quest is easy: Survive for one day in the Forest of the Forgotten. Or, you know, die trying. It's all the same to me.
Kaelen blinked at the woods, then again at the god, who was now reclining comfortably on his trash throne. "You're kidding, right?" he asked, though it didn't shock him. "You're sending me into a trap with nothing but a stupid system and no guns?"
The god brushed a dismissive hand through the air. "You're the one who was unfortunate enough to be born trash. Just get by. It's not difficult. You'll manage, or you won't. Either way, it's entertaining."
Kaelen let out a deep breath. "This is absolutely ridiculous."
The god laughed once more, his voice receding as Kaelen's environment distorted.
[Ding!]
"You have been transported to the Forest of the Forgotten."
"Quest: Make it through one day. If you can't, enjoy oblivion. Seriously."
A low growl came from the darkness in front. The trees creaked, and in the darkness, Kaelen saw glowing eyes reflected back at him.
"Well, this is going to suck," Kaelen grumbled to himself, looking suspiciously at the trees. "Just another day in the life of a trash hero."
And with that, off he went.