I'm Not Your Empress Anymore!

I awoke with a jolt. I must be dead now, I thought. After all Noel had sent assassins and I remember bluntly closing my eyes and only seeing red. Why is it that I can only see my room but this furnishing, it reminds me of a much younger, childish version of myself, maybe 18? And this time of year, it looks warm out the window, and it's daytime. It was snowing out, and it was midnight. "Your Highness, the bathwater is ready." I turned to see the newly entered maid, wait, "Deia?" "Yes, your Highness?" I almost screamed and jumped to hug her. She was my personal maid years ago but because I was so attached to her Noel had her executed. He used his title of Emperor cruelly and back then I was so blindly in love I didn't even realize how much he was hurting me. "Your, Your Highness, are you alright? Did you have a nightmare?" "Yes I did. Deia, what is the date?" "It's Wednesday the 14th of June, just two weeks away from your Highnesses 18th birthday. Are you really sure you are alright?" "Yes, Yes, I'm fine, sorry I lost my composure for a moment. I'm ready to get into the bath Deia." She led me to the bathroom and as I sat in thought she washed my dark green hair. It is long again, a bit longer than my waist. I had cut it to my chin when I saw that Noel's mistress had short hair. I was really distressed. I even tried to dye my hair a light blonde that Melody, his mistress had. In a way I was the pure opposite of her. She had gorgeous emerald eyes, with short curly blonde hair. I was so envious of her back then. I tried to dye my hair like hers but all it did was turn into a ugly purple mess that made Noel resent me even more. If I'm 17 right now, and It's June, that means that father is going to start matching me with Noel in the following 3 years before marrying me when I turn 21. I need to find someone suitable so that I won't have to marry Noel. Who is of suitable status. There is only one other person I can think of, Crown Prince Kolen from The Empire of Suitina. Our nations are friends and I was supposed to marry him to connect our empires but I was so blindly in love father allowed me to have Noel. Father died only 2 years after me and Noel married. He ended up deciding to have my little sister Erisis marry him instead. From what I heard, he is a very cold person and barely socializes. I heard that he never opened his heart to Erisis and she had fallen into a great depression. Those things may make any other person look at him as not an option but as long as I find a way to marry him it doesn't matter whether or not he likes me, as long as he's reasonable. "Hey Deia, do you know if there are any talks of marriage for me?" "Um, I did hear a few nobles saying that you and ArchDuke Noel would be a great match." "Hmmm, tell any nobles who you hear speaking such talk to quiet down. I shall not marry him." "Did something happen Your Highness, I had assumed that you and The ArchDuke had started getting quite cozy, and that you had taken a liking to him." "No, not at all." "Well then I'll make sure to follow your wishes."