Author: Ticket
Our Discord: https://discord[dot]gg/WfKqjeXN {replace [dot] with '.'}
I'm You
"I hate you."
A sentence that I've always said to myself…
…
:7 days before…:
Waking up to yet another day, I sat there in front of a broken mirror. Staring blankly as I brush and tie my hair, not knowing if it looks good already.
My mother screams for my name, telling me to come down and eat dinner at once. I sigh, and tell myself…
"Maybe this day it's going to be better…"
Every day I tell myself that I'm not a good person, bringing myself down to the dirt.
I treat myself as trash.
The answer I came up with to answer this problem of mine was to wear a fake personality. I try to redeem myself for who I am, I assist people, put a smile on others' faces, help others get back on their feet, and treat them all as someone greater than me!
Yet… I still feel that unhappiness.
I'm not a great person.
I'm just putting on an act.
This feeling is never going to end, is it…?
Walking downstairs, he puts on a smile and takes a seat to eat with his family, as his sisters fight about romance and stuff.
"Jibun, can you tell your sisters to stop fighting!"
Screaming from across the kitchen, his mother yells for him.
This always happens every morning. The two of them get into a fight about something different each time. I always tell them to behave themselves…
Jibun lets out a few words, and the air around them gets completely engulfed with a calm and sweet scent, neutralizing the argument.
I still don't know how or why, but for some reason, everyone seems to calm down when I speak, even though it's just one of my acts. Though again, it's maybe because of how I'm always using this fake personality that they've started to rely on me more.
"S-Sorry…"
"M-Me too!"
I sigh as I continue eating breakfast after making one more coffee. Both my sister calms down and continue their argument, but this time in a sensible way.
Their conversation continues as one of them talks about a new café near their school. Feeling curious, Jibun listens to their conversation.
"I heard people are finding their love in that café!!"
"But you have to sit across from each other on a specific table, right?"
Table 4, the rumored spot inside a café near my school. I also heard this from my classmates last week. They talked about how, when taking a seat specifically on table 4, you will fall in love with the person across from you within a week.
Two of my classmates tried it last Friday, and if the rumors were true, I might hear about them dating today.
I've always been a curious guy, and something this interesting has already caught my eye last week, so I've been waiting for the results before checking it out myself.
"Alright, I'm leaving now."
I say to my family after finishing my coffee and washing the dishes, before hearing my sisters' argument become louder with each step I take outside.
…
:Inside the classroom:
"There's no way", I murmur to myself as I gaze upon the two of my classmates who went to the café together, now all lovey-dovey together.
After school ended, I went to the café to see what had transpired with my classmates.
Yet, I feel like I'm missing something…
Seeing it in person, it's a small yet charming café. A very lively interior and bustling with customers both inside and outside.
Going inside, I look for the said table 4.
And there it is… and… it looks normal?
I question myself if I went into the correct store. I look around and check to see if I am in the right place.
Because of how popular the rumor was, I thought it would've had a crazy look, with love hearts and red/pink colors… Yet, it's no different from the wooden design they have going on.
"I'm beginning to think the rumor isn't true, and that those two were already in love way before the Table 4 rumor."
Even with doubts swirling inside my head, I still sit down at table 4.
After taking a seat, gazes start to wander over in my direction. It seems the people inside have also heard about the rumor.
But one gaze seems to stand out…
It feels as if I've felt it before…
I don't know where it's coming from…
"ARGHH!! I'm starting to feel stupid believing something this crazy, not that I wasn't already, but… ughh."
Feeling frustrated with myself, I rang the waitress with a soft tone and politely ordered coffee. She asks if I'm waiting for someone.
Considering I'm sitting in the famous table that's considered a love attraction, I hesitantly answer no.
…
Time passed as I sat there, wondering…
"Oh… I have no one else here sitting with me. The rumor stated that I needed a partner to come with…"
My coffee is empty.
I ordered another coffee before heading into the restroom to empty my bladder.
"..."
I went inside the restroom to relieve my burning bladder. Yet, I sit there, inside a stall, all silent, while staring at my hand… shaking.
I cover it up with the gloves inside my bag before heading back to my table with my head down.
"Hm?"
Something feels different when I sit down. It felt like I sat at the wrong table. I look at what's on the table, seeing only a freshly brewed coffee and the same napkins from before.
"Oh… I sat across from my seat…"
I say with a concerning tone.
…
I stand u-
"Hello!"
A voice with a calm and sweet scent floats towards me in the middle of me standing up.
Looking up, sat across from me a girl with a polite smile who seemed to be the same age as me, with a ponytail similar to mine but longer.
Everything about her feels familiar…
"Uhm… Hi?"
Now I'm starting to think if I actually sat at the wrong table, and the items on the table were just a coincidence.
I tell her I'm sorry using one of my acts, where I profusely say I'm sorry and bow a bunch of times, before trying to leave the café while thinking to myself how everything is starting to go wrong agai-
A warm feeling forms around my arm, soothing my worries. The girl has grabbed my arm with both of hers.
"Sorry for startling you, it's your table. Can I sit here?"
With how innocent she speaks, I can't just deny her request. So I sit back down and tell her that it's alright.
"I'm Jibun, but you can call me Jibu."
A slam on the table and a finger points towards me!
"And you…! can call me Nubi."
She points to herself.
Th-that's one of my acts where I introduce myself to someone who seems to be down…
…
I asked her how she knew that.
"Hehe~ I'm you after all."
She sounds so malicious with the way she moves, yet it feels calming when she combines it with her words.
Not to mention the answer she gave to my answer. She's me?
Don't make me laug-
Wait… no… no, no, No!, NO!
"DON'T SAY THAT!"
I scream at the top of my lungs in agony while tears start to form around my eyes. Realizing this, I look straight down to the floor, trying to hide my face.
I tell Nubi not to call herself that…
Yet… why…?
Why are you still smiling?
What makes you think being me is to smile about?
Why aren't you freaked out after I screamed?
"I'll show you."
She stands up. Lifts my head up with tears flowing. She pulls her hands up with seven of her fingers standing.
"In seven days, I'll show you who I really am."
…
I met an interesting person today…
:6 days before I…:
…
Inside a train, I sit there alone, waiting for someone...
Nubi gave me her number before leaving yesterday. She messaged me to meet up here.
"What am I doing trusting a random person...?"
[Arriving At ___, Please Stand Ready For The Arrival.]
The train comes to a stop. The doors open...
Standing there, a beautiful girl in a soft tone pink shirt with her shoulders showing and just the way she styles herself, compliments her in every way, and the air around her seems to be that of a calming person.
My worries start to soothe again...
She walks towards me as the eyes of others present follow her in awe.
With the way she looks, I don't blame the others for staring at her deeply, as I'm the same right now.
'Aghh!! I'm totally scaring her with the way I'm looking. The same goes for the others.'
With a hunch feeling of, if she's scared to be looked at and is just hiding it with her calming expression, I overthink and take off my jacket to hide her beautiful figure.
Sitting down, she wraps my arm with hers and says to me...
"Thanks. I'll be returning the favor later."
Such a sweet word blows into my ears. I turn red as she giggles at my action.
[Please Walk Out In An Orderly Fashion To Avoid Incidents, Thank You.]
When we left the train, we walked for about an hour in a forest, all the while Nubi apologized for every chance she got, before arriving at our destination.
"This is..."
I try to continue my sentence, but for some reason, I'm just speechless.
I stare in awe as I look at a beautiful garden full of blooming flowers, shining bright with colors I have never seen before.
It warms me...
As I was basking in the smell of the flowers, a whisper flowed.
"The first of many…"
"Hm? Did you say something?"
I asked, with a smile on my face, thinking that she had said something. But she denies, covering her mouth with her hand.
Seeing how this place seems to calm me down from my worries, I ask her what's wrong.
"Sorry, I was saying how you're feeling right now?"
She says with a calming smile on her face.
Her words seem to have changed. But that's no reason not to answer her question.
I answer using one of my acts, to not bring down the mood… But
"No. Don't use that, answer without using an act."
H-how did she...
The mood changes to an eerie scene.
"I told you already. I'm you."
:5 days before I realized…:
...
She told me to meet up after class at the front gate of our school.
I didn't know she was a student at our school. I heard someone transferred from Canada. So she might be the transferee?
Meeting up, she grabs my hand and tells me to walk her home.
Another weird request...
Yet, I still follow through with it.
...
She's living in this hotel... alone?
"Uhmm... Where are your parents?"
"Work."
She tells me how her parents made her move to a hotel because they had business meetings every time, so she was taught to live alone and given an allowance to live, every month.
It's weird.
Why would they make her live alone when they could've just hired a maid to take care of her?
Also... I'm stepping foot into a girl's home... alone!?
...
What does that mean?
"You can sit on the sofa. I'll go grab some wate-"
"Wait! Sorry, but can I have coffee instead?"
Nubi gets surprised because I cut her off, but chuckles and then kindly refuses my request. I get frustrated for a bit, thinking about how she can't accept such a simple request.
But I came to the conclusion that I was at fault for asking too much, just because I'm a guest here.
I nod and sit there quietly, not wanting to cause any more disturbance because of me.
...
Time passes as she comes back with three cups on a tray. Two waters and one coffee.
This feels like a test for something, but I don't question and just follow through.
"You're free to choose what you want. I won't stop you."
A feeling begins to come back inside me, and I chose…
Nubi sighs and sits down next to me.
I never even realized this… but…
Why is she wearing such a revealing outfit?
The tension rises now that I've noticed the wrongs happening inside this room.
How we were alone. The way she looks. What she's wearing.
This feels like something any pubescent boy dreams of coming true for them.
Not wanting to escalate anything any further, I try to run outside, while apologizing and saying I have something important to do.
Something soft grabs my arm, and I am thrown back onto the couch.
"Stop!! Th-this isn't you!!"
Nubi grabs me by my face, still having that calm look on her.
I'm scared…
"I know. I'm you, remember?"
Goosebumps crawl through my skin. I shiver in fear…
'I...- She's copying me. I don't remember doing something like this. But… if this is something I did… then…'
The silence grew as we both lay there quietly. Moving her palm across my face, I flinch. I feel as if spiders are crawling on my face.
Tears start to flow out of my eyes as she continues to caress me. I'm panicking. I'm scared…
"Oops, he passed out… Oh well, I went too far, what did I expect?"
Nubi places Jibun down on the couch slowly, making him lie there and relax, while covering him with a blanket.
A heavy sigh comes from Nubi…
"I knew you hated yourself, but I didn't think you hated yourself that much… You passed out because you panicked and thought you actually did this to someone, even though you haven't."
The feeling of accomplishment she had in mind starts to move farther away. Feeling regretful for what she's done, she says how sorry she is to the sleeping Jibun…
…
:4 days before I realized that…:
…
I woke up feeling dizzy. Eyes puffy. Feeling thirsty.
I'm having a headache…
Looking around, I notice I'm inside a room. It looks to be the same as mine.
"I guess I was just having a nightmare."
I breathe a sigh of relief.
I think to myself that maybe, there's still a chance of re-
"Sorry. It was real."
The sound of a girl comes from behind me.
Turning around.
She sits there comfortably, with a cup of coffee in hand, as if she were waiting for me to wake up just to say that.
"Y-you! Why am I still here? Why would you do this to me? Can't you just leave me alone?"
Nubi stands up slowly and speaks in a pace that seems to be mocking me…
"I'm y-o-u~ Remember?"
Why… why would someone be me?
Confusion builds up inside me.
Maybe… maybe she's just being forced by her friends…? Like a bet or something… Yea, yea maybe tha-
Delusions are forming…
"I aspire to be like you~"
What…?
"You're like my idol, you know~"
Stop.
"You've helped me when I was down~"
Stop. Stop it.
"I've always wanted to be like you since then~"
STOP TRYING TO BE ME!! I'M NOT A GOOD GUY!!
"You're a nice guy!"
"CAN YOU JUST STOP!! STOP BEING ME!! I'M NO ONE TO BE ADMIRED AT!! I-AM-A… loser…?"
H-huh? My vision all blurry. My hands are on my head, scraping my face with my nails. I'm pulling my hair.
Voices outside are muffled. I can't hear…
"Jibun, STOP!!"
Huh? Who's talking…?
"YOU'RE HURTING YOURSELF!!"
It sounds so quiet…
"I'M SORRY, I'M SO SORRY! THIS WASN'T HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO!!"
Stop being sorry, and start not copying me.
Tears begin to form around my eyes again. I feel worthless.
I stand up and limp away to the outside of the hotel.
Nubi tries to reach out to my arms again, but this time, she stops herself. All the while, looking distressed about everything.
I feel tired. Why was she trying to be like me anyway…
…
"I'm a nice guy?"
But how can someone who fakes their emotions be a nice guy?
I walk slowly away towards my home, while the feeling of hopelessness begins to grow heavier, to the point I'm walking hunched back, without even noticing.
Sometime later, I arrived back at my home all tired and thirsty, while still having that headache from earlier, which seemed to have gotten worse.
:3 days before I realized that, I'm…:
…
"jub-"
A loud noise is next to me…
"-in!"
It's familiar. It sounds like…
"Jibun! Are you actually skipping school?"
My mother…
I told her I didn't feel good, and that I was at my friend's home yesterday.
She's worried about me because I didn't message her.
"Your friend? Oh! You mean Nubi?"
My eyes widen, and I jump out of bed with a worrisome face.
I asked my mother what she was doing in our home. She tells me that Nubi told her that she was a close friend of mine and asked about my history.
Why would she do that?
Does she not care about how I feel?!
I tell my mother to leave the room and let me rest for a while.
Seeing my troubled expression, she complies and leaves quietly as she tells me not to work myself up over something not that serious.
I text Nubi online…
>Why would you ask my own mother that!? Sent 12:24
>Are you actually trying to be me!? Sent 12:24
>I'm not even that interesting hahahhaha!?! Sent 12:24
>Wait, that wasn't my intention. Sent 12:26
>With all the things you have said to me?! Sent 12:26
>Do you think I'll believe you?? Sent 12:26
>I thought you were going to be an interestingly good friend, but I hoped wayyyy to much on someone imitating me. Sent 12:27
>You have to listen to me. Sent 12:29
>Listen to what?? Sent 12:29
>I'm currently in school today and I have something important to do after school. Since Wednesday is a holiday, I'll be dropping by then. Sent 12:30
>What? No? Sent 12:30
>Even if you did, I'm not opening the door! Sent 12:30
>Just listen to what I have to say when we meet. Sent 12:40
⛔ You have blocked this number ⛔
Everything falls into silence as I breathe in anguish in my bed.
:2 days before I realized that, I'm not…:
…
In the middle of the night, Jibun stares at his broken mirror with disgust in his eyes. He feels nauseating just staring there quietly.
"I'm alone… in my room, in the middle of the night."
He talks as if he's talking to someone else in the room. While answering his own words.
A perfect setting just for me.
I'm trying to redeem myself, yet I'm getting punished…
With that, something snaps inside him…
If I hadn't ever gone to that stupid café, I would've probably been punished less than this.
"But… maybe, I do deserve this, haha, that's probably it!"
He speaks as if he has found something out that could be the answer to his despicable life.
'I forced myself onto someone, of course I'm getting punished, hAhaHaAhA! Maybe! If I were a nobody, I would've done nothing wrong in the first place! AGH! Why didn't I think of that sooner??'
Jibun… has gone insane… He laughs at his own words and cries with each sentence he spouts.
…
If-if I just hadn't met her, then… then-… then what…? what would've changed?
Please… help me…
Even with his insanity reaching as high as the clouds, Jibun still has his common sense and uses it to ask himself the right questions.
Maybe, just maybe, all I needed was someone who understands me.
The image of Nubi flashes in front of him, waving and smiling at him with her calm look. He reaches his arms out, as if trying to get her attention.
But for Jibun… this person is no more than just an imitation of himself, who he thinks is the same bad person as him, laughing at his own self.
"All I want now… is to-"
Words stop coming out of his mouth as he drowns in tears. Pouring so hard that he just cries to sleep with no one around him but the person he hates the most.
"J-… us… di-…a-…pe…r"
Jibun cried to sleep that day.
…
:1 day before I realized that I'm not that…:
…
Why…?
Why did I open that door…?
I got mad at Nubi yesterday… Yet, here she is… in front of me. Sitting as if nothing had happened.
"Don't worry, everything I do onwards is the real me. No more tricks, no more acts, not Nubi, just Fiona. Oh! Uhm… that's my real name by the way, I just never told you before, because of the act I did. You know it was really hard to act like you. I had to stalk you, just to get the basics dow- Oh! Sorry, I just started rambling about something weird.-"
Realizing what she did before, she now uses her real self, and not a copy of someone else.
Jibun, still disheartened from last night, and now cannot talk normally like he used to. Both inside and outside, he talks at the same speed as a snail.
'She seems so different in front of me…'
Jibun realizes something…
'There's nothing calming or sweet about her scent now. It feels like I'm talking to an actual person… a normal person. It doesn't soothe my mind at all... Why does it feel just like the others I've talked to?'
Her face looks so… sad.
It must be because of me… figures haha…
Jibun's head starts to look down, Fiona lets out a giant sigh…
"I know that look. You~ are~ blaming yourself again, are you?"
Jibun looks up in surprise at how she knew that.
"I already told you! I'm y-… Sorry, you might get scared again because of that phrase."
She looks toward Jibun and sees him almost cry because of what she said. But with her quick actions, she managed to stop herself from speaking and calm the situation down.
With how things are looking for Jibun, Fiona tells him everything about her. Starting from how they first met. To see how she started acting like Jibun. And how she's gotten to Jibun's emotions and use of words.
But even with all of that information… Jibun…still looks depressed.
'It seems I've messed up. I'm sorry, Jibun.'
In one last big effort for the day, Fiona tells Jibun about everything good he's ever done, including the bad ones.
With that, she leaves the place and tells him to message her when he's ready for a final meetup.
…
After Fiona left, Jibun finally spoke through his physical mouth for the first time today…
"I'm a good person?"
Jibun feels conflicted about what Fiona said. Questions formed inside his head…
Why were there so many good things that I've done? Where are the bad ones? Why was there only one bad thing?
She must be lying… Is what he thought… But the only way to find the answer is to ask her directly… For that…
>What? No? Sent 2 days ago
>Even if you did, I'm not opening the door! Sent 2 days ago
>Just listen to what I have to say when we meet. Sent 2 days ago
⛔ You have blocked this number ⛔
✅ You have unblocked this number ✅
>Tomorrow. Where it all began. Where it all started. Sent 2:20
…
:The Day I realized that I'm not that bad.:
...
I sit alone at table 4. Gazes start to wander over to me.
But one gaze stands out…
I've felt it before…
I know where it's coming from…
"...You know-"
A shaky voice talks.
"It really feels weird, now that I'm not acting like you."
Fiona, who was sitting in front of me, was anxiously waiting for me to speak. While I sit there staring at her intently.
She lets out a sigh and tells me that she already knows what I'm thinking at that moment.
I open my mouth, and tell her…
"Why were there more good than bad things?"
Asking straight to the point, she smirks and tells that I haven't realized it yet.
Realized what?
She scoffs…
"Can you, yourself, tell me what you've done wrong?"
She looks at me as if she's onto something. But she's wrong. I'll tell her everything bad about me, to the point that she'll finally stop having connections with me…
'This is for the best...'
I ready myself, and try to recall every wrongdoing I have done. I start off with the most obvious one.
"I forced myself onto someone…"
"Errr! That one was a lie. I made that one up to see if you'll accept a wrongdoing just because of your emotions."
She plays a loud buzzer on her phone while her fingers make the formation of an X. She must be thinking that this is just a game.
I feel conflicted with her words and actions, but I continue with my statements, with the next one being recent.
"I screamed at you!"
"Errr! You screamed at me because you wanted me to stop. Besides, I think something happened to you, to make you scream so loud."
She does the same actions from before, and tells me that was the first time I've ever screamed at someone with such a high level of blue emotions.
I'm confused…
"I-I got angry at you and said hurtful words…!"
"Errr! That was through a text. Physical words hurt more than just digital ones. Well… I got a little~ bit irritated when you kept replying the second I answered. A teacher was talking to me, and you kept messaging, so it got awkward…"
I think and think of more awful things I've done… Yet, there's no more…
Is that really it? Or do I have some kind of disease that makes me forget bad things? But I'm not forgetful…
Jibun looks at the table as a cup of coffee and water arrive on their table.
With a disoriented look in his eyes, he grabs the coffee before getting stopped by Fiona.
With a concerned look in her eyes, she grabs the coffee before telling him in a slow tone…
"Did you know, too much coffee kills?"
A weird question pops out of Fiona's mouth, and Jibun's eyes squint. She gives the answer of no.
Fiona readies herself. She breathes in and out. Sits properly.
"The only bad thing you've ever done in your life… is hate yourself. To the point that you're unconsciously killing yourself… slowly."
I...- She's right…
Jibun looks up towards the ceiling. Contemplating how things are with his life.
He says to himself, again…
"I hate y-"
Before getting to finish his sentence, a massive wave of air blows through him.
"BUT!! That's not enough to make you a bad person. You shouldn't be hating yourself because of… yourself."
Fiona speaks from the bottom of her heart… the truth, for Jibun.
"You're hating yourself for something soo small, while you're forgetting about all the good deeds you've ever done!"
'good deeds…?'
At that moment… everything I've ever done for others, flash in front of me.
Tears… but this time, tears of joy, pours out my eyes.
"I-I've been g-good… this whole t-time…?"
Words stutter as he tries to talk while wiping his flowing tears away.
Fiona sits there and nods to him, letting him pour all his bottled emotions out.
Others look towards them because of the crying. At first they feel confused, then concerned, but, looking over to table 4, all they see…
A boy who smiles with tears flowing down from his eyes and a girl who smiles with accomplishment in her eyes.
They hold their hands together, as one of them has finally loved the one they needed the most.
'Jibun!'