Pain was the first thing Lucen Umbran felt when he woke up. A pounding throb in his temples, like someone had used his skull as a war drum. He opened his eyes slowly, expecting to see the cracked ceiling of his tiny apartment back on Earth, but instead...
The sky was purple.
Not a soft violet, or some artsy lavender shade. No, this was an electrifying purple, like the universe had been tie-dyed with giant squid ink. Clouds twisted in infinite spirals, swirling like cosmic cotton candy. And the air... smelled like burnt metal and freshly cut grass.
[Lucen]: "Where...?"
A translucent screen popped up in front of him without warning, projecting golden letters that looked like they were written with sunlight:
[Celestial Comprehensive Evaluation System]
User Identified: Lucen Umbran
Origin: Planet Earth (Oaxaca, Mexico) (Classification: Mundane)
Current Status:
– Cultivation Core: None
– Spiritual Meridians: Blocked
– Ascension Potential: 0.0000001%
Final Evaluation: Completely Useless Garbage
Lucen blinked. Then blinked again. He pinched his arm.
[Lucen]: "Ouch! Okay, not a dream. I'm apparently so useless that if you tossed me in the ocean, the water itself would throw me back."
The voice that followed came from nowhere and everywhere at once, like a bored college professor talking through a cosmic PA system:
[System Voice]: "Welcome to the Intermediate Realm of Xianzhara, Host Umbran. As your evaluation shows, your existence is about as significant as a grain of sand in the Sahara Desert. Congratulations."
[Lucen]: "Congratulations?!" Lucen sat up, spitting out blue dirt—when the hell did dirt become blue?—as he looked around in growing panic. "Where am I? What is this? Who brought me here?"
[System]: "Irrelevant questions. Focus on what matters: you're useless."
A new message appeared:
Initial Mission
Objective: Survive for 24 hours
Difficulty: Trivial (for any creature with the slightest hint of self-preservation)
Reward: The right to keep breathing
Lucen felt his blood boil.
[Lucen]: "Trivial?! I don't even know where I am! I don't even know what a cultivation core is or how this place works!"
[System]: "Exactly. Which is why it's trivial. Even a newborn here has better instincts than you."
Before he could argue, a sound echoed from the nearby forest. Lucen turned slowly toward the noise, and his eyes widened at what emerged from the trees.
It was... a thing. A muscle-bound, toothy, furious thing crawling on six uneven limbs. Its twelve eyes gleamed with hunger, and the goo dripping from its mouth made the grass sizzle on contact.
Beast Identified: Alpha Swamp Predator
Threat Level: Low-Mid (for novice cultivators)
Host Survival Probability: 0.0001%
[Lucen]: "Oh, fantastic." Lucen backed away, tripping over his own feet. "Exactly what I needed. A murder-mutt from my nightmares."
The beast let out a roar that shook the ground and lunged. Lucen shut his eyes, arms raised in a pathetic attempt at defense.
The impact never came.
Instead, he heard a splat, like a watermelon getting crushed by a pickup truck. When he peeked, the beast... was gone. In its place was a sticky smear plastered across what remained of a tree fifty yards away.
[System]: "Side Mission Complete: 'Eliminate Local Threat.' Reward: Skill [Divine Turtle Reflexes].
Note: Your defensive technique was... acceptable (by invertebrate standards)."
Lucen stared at his shaking hands.
[Lucen]: "What technique?! I just covered my face!"
[System]: "Exactly. The Southern Divine Sky Turtle uses that same stance before obliterating continents. Significant coincidence."
Lucen was about to argue when another message appeared:
Random Event Activated!
A wounded figure lies nearby.
Options:
1. Help (Possible Ally Reward)
2. Ignore (Reward: Same as your life so far—nothing)
[Lucen]: "Since when did life turn into a video game?!"
Grumbling, Lucen followed the system's indicator and found an old man in tattered robes—once fancy, now rags—collapsed by a stream. He was wheezing, and black goo oozed from a wound in his side.
[System]: "Warning: Phantom Scorpion Poison detected. 99.99% fatal."
[Lucen]: "Great! And what am I supposed to do about that?!"
[System]: "The usual: fail miserably."
Lucen sighed and knelt beside the old man. With zero idea what he was doing, he grabbed some nearby herbs, spat on them, and mashed them onto the wound. To his surprise, the area started glowing faintly gold.
[System]: "Unregistered Skill Activated: [Mad Doctor's Touch]. Effectiveness: 100% (System error: report as 0.1%)"
The old man gasped, shooting upright, his eyes filled with awe.
[Old Man]: "You...! What divine technique is this?!"
Lucen stared at his hands like they had grown fangs.
[Lucen]: "Uh... first aid? I think?"
The old man dropped to his knees and bowed so low his forehead touched the dirt.
[Old Man]: "Master! You must be a reincarnated sage! Please let me follow you!"
[System]: "Mission Complete: 'Save decrepit dying geezer.' Reward: Future problems."
Lucen glanced up at the purple sky, then down at the old man groveling, and finally at the hands that had somehow just cured a death wound with chewed-up weeds.
[Lucen]: "I am... so confused."
[System]: "Completely normal for someone at your level. Don't worry. It'll probably get worse."
And so, with a sigh from the depths of his soul, Lucen Umbran took his first step toward what would become the most ridiculous legend the continent of Xianzhara had ever seen.