Lin Tian groaned. He lay curled on the wooden floor of his hut, sweat-drenched and pale, clutching his abdomen like it held a coiled snake.
"Master... I think I killed my dantian," he whimpered.
Chen Mu hovered silently in the ring, mentally reviewing every nonsense phrase he'd spewed over the last ten minutes. Reverse noodle rotation. Universe noodles. Clockwise Qi.
"Okay," Chen Mu finally said. "Bad news... but also an opportunity."
[+1 BP for immediate reframing of disaster as potential.]
Lin Tian whimpered again. "Opportunity?"
"Yes," Chen Mu said, recovering his fake confidence. "What you experienced was... a great internal purge. The cleansing of your old, weak pathways. Painful, but necessary. A rare phenomenon. I believe it's called the... Azure Spiral Reset."
[+5 BP for inventing a completely fictional and mystical-sounding term.]
Lin Tian's expression turned from misery to awe.
"Azure Spiral Reset..." he whispered. "That sounds... profound."
"It is," Chen Mu said gravely. "So profound, in fact, that I cannot explain it twice without disrupting the balance of the cosmos."
[+3 BP for dodging an explanation with cosmic BS.]
He sighed internally. Okay, I really need to figure out how actual cultivation works.
"Now rest. Let your body adjust to the reset. Don't attempt anything more today."
Lin Tian nodded slowly and slumped against the wall, breathing shallowly.
Chen Mu watched him, uneasy. He felt weirdly guilty. The kid was trying. Too hard. He didn't deserve to be spiritually imploded by ramen metaphors.
By the next morning, Lin Tian was moving again. Gingerly.
He winced as he sat upright. "Master... the reset is still resetting. I feel like I got kicked by a donkey made of fire."
Chen Mu hesitated. "Yes, well... that's to be expected. The Azure Spiral Reset is not for the faint-hearted."
[+2 BP for staying committed to the lie.]
"But don't worry. I've prepared the next phase of training."
He hadn't. But he'd had all night to think, and at least twenty minutes of it were spent trying to understand a Qi cultivation wiki page the system briefly flashed before disappearing.
"Today, we begin body refinement."
"Body refinement?" Lin Tian blinked. "But I thought—"
Chen Mu interrupted. "Qi alone won't carry you to greatness. You must temper your flesh to withstand the burden of power. First step: the Stance of the Unyielding Root."
Lin Tian's eyebrows rose.
"You will stand. Legs apart. Knees bent. Back straight. Like... a tree. A powerful, pissed-off tree."
[+4 BP for poetic martial arts analogy.]
"Got it!" Lin Tian leapt to his feet and assumed a stance that looked more like a penguin in labor than an angry tree.
"Lower. Lower! Engage your core. Feel your weight sink into the earth. Become the tree."
He struck the floor with a ghostly pulse from the ring for dramatic effect.
[+2 BP for timed spiritual theatrics.]
Lin Tian gritted his teeth. "Like... this?"
"Yes. Perfect. Hold it. For... an hour."
Lin Tian stared at him, horrified.
"A true cultivator does not question training," Chen Mu said sternly. "Especially not ancient, ring-bound specters who definitely know what they're talking about."
[+3 BP for anchoring absurdity in authority.]
Ten minutes in, Lin Tian was shaking like a wet dog in winter.
Fifteen minutes, he collapsed.
"Again," Chen Mu said, voice firm.
"I think my legs are melting," Lin Tian wheezed.
"That's the toxins leaving your bones."
[+2 BP for spontaneous pseudoscience.]
Thirty more minutes of this and Lin Tian was barely conscious, sprawled across the ground.
Chen Mu hovered anxiously. Was he pushing too hard?
But Lin Tian lifted a trembling thumb.
"Did I... do good, Master?"
Chen Mu felt that unfamiliar tug again. Guilt, maybe. Respect?
"You did well," he said softly. "Rest. You've taken your first steps on a true path now."
[+1 BP for genuine encouragement.]
Later that night, Lin Tian prepared for another attempt at gathering Qi.
"I've been thinking," he said, rubbing his chest. "Last time, maybe I wasn't... centered enough. Maybe my breathing was wrong."
Chen Mu panicked.
"Right," he said. "This time, focus on natural breath. Forget the noodle thing."
Lin Tian looked confused. "But you said—"
"That was... for the pre-reset version of you. Now your internal pathways have shifted. You'll need to breathe... like mist drifting through a bamboo forest."
[+3 BP for contradictory imagery.]
"Bamboo forest. Got it." Lin Tian nodded and settled into position.
Chen Mu watched, nervously.
This time, Lin Tian's breathing was calm. His focus, sharp. Slowly, very slowly, the air around him shimmered.
[Environmental Qi Detected.]
[ Cultivation Attempt: In Progress ]
Chen Mu didn't say anything. He didn't even breathe, metaphorically.
Then—
Lin Tian's body twitched. A pulse ran through him.
His eyes snapped open.
"I did it," he said, eyes wide. "I feel it. The Qi—it's flowing in my arms!"
[Cultivation Progress: 2%]
Chen Mu blinked. "Holy crap, it's actually working."
But Lin Tian suddenly froze.
"Wait... it's going the wrong way again. It's spinning backwards!"
Chen Mu flinched. "Don't panic! Just—uh—make it loop around your... kidney chakra. Then redirect through the lower soul gate."
[+1 BP for quick jargon improv.]
Lin Tian winced. "Where the hell is my soul gate?!"
Then he shuddered violently, fell backward, and groaned.
[Warning: Qi Instability Detected.]
[Cultivation Disruption: Moderate]
[Disciple Confidence -10%]
Chen Mu slapped his own incorporeal forehead.
"Okay," he said. "That one's on me."
Lin Tian sat up slowly, cradling his stomach. "Maybe... maybe we should write these steps down next time."
Chen Mu cleared his throat. "Yes. Yes we should."
[New Objective: Find or fake actual cultivation manual.]
Chen Mu sighed.
"Tomorrow. We start fresh. I'll... consult the cosmic flow."
Lin Tian nodded tiredly. "Thanks, Master."
And somehow, even after another failure, he still smiled.
Chen Mu floated there, watching him sleep.
"I really hope that cosmic flow thing is a real feature," he muttered.