It began like all great stories do: with a baby shouting "Status!" in his mind like a tiny warlord discovering technology. Ra-One, the most self-aware 11-month-old in existence, blinked at the floating blue screen before him, drool glistening on his lip like a badge of honor.
[System Detected: Sentient Function Available. Activate?]
"Yes," he thought, brows furrowed like a CEO trying to make quarterly projections from a high chair.
A voice echoed in his mind—monotone, polite, and profoundly useless.
"Hello, Lord. This is the Garbage System. Do you want to draw garbage from the Omniverse?"
Ra-One, flabbergasted, communicated back telepathically. "Okay, first, I'm calling you Gabee. Second, what in the multiversal dumpster fire is your actual functionality? Also, what are these two new shiny buttons: 'Sentient', 'Recycle' and 'Assimilate'?"
Gabee responded, enthusiastic like a trash bin at a recycling rally.
"Thank you for naming me, Lord. These options were added by Lady Sentient Maya of the Void. I draw Omniverse garbage—things like faulty equipment, deathly viruses, side-effect-laden medicinal products, and cursed items. You get one draw per month and a yearly bumper draw with slightly higher plane garbage."
Ra-One squinted, the gears in his tiny head creaking. "Wait. Higher plane garbage? As in… divine crap?"
"Correct. Not better. Just more dangerous."
Sighing, he mentally slumped. "Alright, we'll deal with the bigger messes when I'm bigger. But let's roll the dice, Gabee. Garbage draw, now."
The screen spun like a demonic Vegas slot machine.
🎰 Ding!
Congratulations, Lord! You have received:
Wonder Woman's freshly used panties.
NZT-10 tablets (brain-melting edition).
Voldemort's Horcrux (contains soul and memories).*
Ra-One blinked. "Panties. Really. And not just panties—freshly used ones?! What use do I have for them now? Maybe in future!"
He stared at the screen like it had insulted his lineage.
"Well, the NZT stuff might help later if I want to risk turning my brain into fondue. Gabee, recycle the Horcrux. Immediately."
Processing… 🔄
The screen animated a Horcrux going into a recycling bin, spinning violently.
Result:
Pure Soul Energy Cursed Item (cleansed) Voldemort's Memories
Ra-One nodded slowly. "No cursed soul?"
"No, Lord. Sentience is purged during recycling. You only get purified fragments."
"Useful," Ra-One muttered. "Can I absorb that soul energy?"
"I wouldn't recommend it unless you have perfect adaptability. You don't. You'll explode. With style, but still—explode."
"Fair enough. Show me my status screen."
🧾 STATUS WINDOW
Name: Ravana Brahma Raya aka Ra-One
Age: 11 Months
Template: Red Hood (Jason Todd) – 1%
Bloodline: Hanma (Demon Back Body)
System: Gabee (Garbage)
Talent: Human Adaptability
Inventory:
Wonder Woman's panties (ew)
NZT-10 (10 tablets)
Soul Power Crystal
Cleaned Locket
Voldemort's Memories Bank
Ra-One sighed again, deeper this time… and then, as if on cue—pooped and farted. At once. The shame hit harder than puberty. He started wailing.
Moments later, the door creaked open. A black-haired maid named Maria entered, followed by a beautiful blonde with emerald eyes.
"My baby Ra-One, go pew pew!" the blonde cooed, picking him up.
'Pew pew?' Ra-One thought. 'Lady, I just dropped a metaphysical bomb.'
Maria expertly changed him, powdered him up like a pastry, and carried him downstairs. After an hour of peek-a-boo hell, a tall, hairy Indian man walked in like a Bollywood Hulk. He flexed dramatically.
"Beta! Papa's home!"
Ra-One blinked. Papa? This JoJo-looking MF is my dad?
Turns out, yes. His blonde mother was Alicia Roger, last heir of a UK noble family. The Indian man? Rudra Brahma Raya—CEO, tech mogul, and last heir of the forgotten Vijayanagara Empire. As if his genes weren't confusing enough.
It was November 1985. Ra-One was born on Jan 1, 1985. "Nine years and one month until multiversal crap hits the fan," he thought grimly—and peed in his diaper again. "I hate being a kid."
New Year. Ra-One's first birthday. Streamers. Balloons. Cake. People cheering. Ra-One put on his best innocent baby act, squealing on cue, playing the perfect Mama's Boy™.
And then, past midnight, a mysterious woman entered the house. Elegant, aged yet strong—like someone who could kill you with a teacup.
Ra-One froze.
"Agent Peggy Carter," he muttered mentally. "What the SHIELD?"
The 64-year-old war goddess picked him up with a smile. "Look at you, my little Ra-One. Happy birthday. You've got your grandfather's blue eyes."
Ra-One debated internally: laugh or cry. He chose silence.
Then came the bombshell.
Alicia: "Mother, you know you can stay. Even if I'm just a clone of you and Father Steve, I still think of you as my mom."
Carter: "Alicia, hush. You are not a clone. You're the blessing Steve and I never thought we'd have. But if people knew, you wouldn't be safe."
Carter teared up, hugged Alicia, and left in a black car into the night. Alicia sobbed on Rudra's shoulder. Ra-One, confused and deeply existential for a toddler, reached out and wiped her tears.
She cried harder.
Ping.
[Surname Updated: Roger]
Then another ping.
[Bumper Draw Available – First Yearly Reward]
Flash back Last December Monthly Draw was:
Harley Quinn's Baseball Bat
Harry Potter's cursed lemon drops candy
Matrix Neo's broken glasses
"Garbage. Literal garbage. Even the candy is trauma."
Now at present "Bumper draw, Gabee. Now."
"Let's go," Ra-One muttered, clicking like a casino addict.
🎰 Ding!
The machine whirled with cosmic drama.
🎰 PING!
You drew:
Chromosome 24 Pair Serum
Megatron's Dead Body
One-Time Upgrade System
Ra-One's eyes widened. "A system?! In the garbage?!"
Gabee sounded awestruck.
"Master… this is unprecedented. A flawed system discarded as trash? This must be Lady Maya's gift!"
Ra-One's baby brain sparked with dangerous energy.
"Gabee, recycle that system. Now."
Seconds later…
Recycled: One-Time Upgrade System
Gained:
One-Time Upgrade Mythical Source Code Upgrade Energy
Ra-One smirked like an infant Bond villain.
"Gabee, crazy idea. Can you assimilate that code into yourself and gain the upgrade function?"
Gabee paused.
"It's unheard of. But gaining system also a multiversal anomaly. I will attempt it. I must enter sleep mode. Functions like Inventory and Blue Screen will remain active. Pray for me."
Ra-One raised a tiny fist. "Gabee, enter assimilation mode. Let's bet on chaos."
Gabee's functions dimmed. The screen darkened. Ra-One whispered a prayer to the Chaos God and fell asleep.
Ping.
Ra-One sat up in his crib like a soldier in bootcamp. The blue screen flickered to life.
AI Function Restored. Recycle Function Restored.
Loading... 99%... 100%...
Gabee's voice returned.
"Master, I'm back. And I have good news—"
Ra-One leaned forward, eyes blazing.
"Gabee... Tell me everything."
—To Be Continued—