"It went on for two years. When I turned eighteen, it intensified, it got out of control, actually.
I used to follow you sometimes, always on the verge of exploding, but I never brought myself to do or say anything.
I was supposed to feel the mate bond pull towards my mate, but I didn't feel that pull toward anyone else but you.
I wanted to believe you were my mate, but then I thought… I've had these feelings since before I even turned eighteen, so maybe it was nothing.
I attended the gala for finding mates, but all I felt in that place was a hollow emptiness. I felt so far away from my mate."
His voice cracks, and Jess can feel how much each word costs him, like he's peeling off layers of old wounds that never healed.
"At nineteen, I attended again… and it was the same. Empty. Cold. Nothing. My parents were really disappointed in me. They told me someone like me shouldn't attend those galas, that in our family, no one had ever taken that long to find their mate. That the Moon Goddess herself chose our bloodline to lead, and we shouldn't stain that legacy."
Tanner lets out a bitter laugh. It's hollow, full of memories that sting.
"I started to convince myself that really, maybe it's true, you were my mate… but still , it didn't make sense.
And then that same year… that fateful day, something happened that I never would've expected. Not even for a second. News came from the school that you were caught… caught kissing someone in the bathroom."
He pauses, and Jess can see the fire flicker behind his eyes.
Jess remembers that moment clearly.
The school was owned by Tanner's father, and as if that wasn't enough, that same man was the alpha of his pack.
Tanner continues, "And that someone wasn't even a girl. It was a boy."
He chuckles again, but this time, the sound is bitter, wounded, like laughter trying to hide a scream.
"Honestly," he continues, his tone tight with suppressed emotion, "I can't even put into words what I felt at that moment. I refused to believe it was true. So many things rushed through my head. Questions. Shock. Rage. I had spent all that time fearing the feelings I had for you, only to hear that you had already done the very thing I'd never dared to do. That you'd kissed another boy."
His voice thickens with emotion, and Jess can feel Tanner's grip unconsciously tighten.
"It felt like I was just some pathetic human. In love with a guy… but too afraid to find out if he was even gay. So I kept my distance, admired you from afar, silently burning inside, only to watch another man confess to him, and he… he said a big, clear yes."
Tanner's jaw tenses. His breathing grows heavier, eyes dark with memories.
"Everything came crashing down. Emotions. Doubt. Anger. Failure. Fear. Wonder. But above all else… jealousy. It ate me alive.
I wondered if it was your first time or if you'd been doing it for long. I wondered if it was a real relationship between the two of you. How did it even happen? How did you two get there? Did you actually love him?"
Jess's chest tightens. The air between them is heavy.
"Jealousy tore into me. But then came the anger… And it was aimed mostly at Kyle. How dare he put his filthy lips on you? How dare he even touch you? I wanted to punch him so hard his bones would remember it, and never even explain to him why I hit him."
Tanner closes his eyes briefly, as if reliving every moment he's describing.
"But my anger… it thought... Just a punch wouldn't be enough, It went deeper. I wanted him gone, out of your life, out of your world. I wanted him to burn. I just didn't want to hear about him ever again."
Jess's pulse races. He remembers that day too clearly... the shame, the fear, the judgment.
"And when the two of you were brought before the pack authorities, I feared what would happen to you. The pack was furious, like you'd murdered someone. Not just someone, but maybe even an alpha. That's how intense their anger was. I was worried about you. "
Suddenly, Jess snaps unconsciously.
"You suggested that we should be executed!" he blurts, unable to hold back anymore. His voice trembles with disbelief and anger. "You stood there and said it! You suggested execution! How were you even worried about me?! Does any of this even make sense to you?!"
His heart pounds violently. Emotions swirl inside him_ raw, confused, overwhelming.
"Fine, you let me go," Jess continues, his voice now trembling, tears threatening to fall, "but you had someone else killed for the same thing you're doing right now! For something we're doing right now!"
He tries to push himself away, to break free from Tanner's hold, to put even a sliver of distance between them but Tanner holds him firmly in place, his grip gentle but immovable.
Jess is shaking now. Not just from anger, but from a storm of emotion for remembering Kyle, he had always felt guilty for running and leaving him to die alone.
He doesn't know what to feel. Pain claws at his chest. Betrayal curls in his stomach. And yet, there's still that stupid, burning desire for the man above him, despite everything.
And Tanner?
He says nothing for a while, he let's Jess let out everything.
He just looks down at him, his expression unreadable, but his eyes… they hold a storm of emotions.