The invitation arrived with all the subtlety of a dagger to the throat—a perfumed scroll tied with a lock of familiar silver hair (his own, from before the rewrite) and sealed with a lipstick kiss that smelled like funeral incense.
"Dearest Traitor," it read, "Let's settle this like civilized monsters. Tea at the Corpse Bloom Pavilion at noon. Bring your own antidotes. XOXO – Your Almost-Widow"
The Fox Spirit snatched the letter, sniffed it, then gagged. "Ugh, she bathes in resentment."
Li Qing didn't even look up from sharpening her new sword (a replacement after Mie Chen's "abduction"). "This is obviously a trap."
[System Alert: High-Risk Social Check-In Detected]
[Mission: Survive the Tea Party]
[Reward: Death Queen's First Tear]
[Failure Penalty: Being Skinned Alive & Turned Into a Wedding Veil]
Luo Feng sighed. "What's the worst that could happen?"
The Fox Spirit's third tail—the one that remembered everything—coughed. "Famous last words."
[The Guest List From Hell]
The Corpse Bloom Pavilion floated on a lake of liquid shadows, its paper walls lined with portraits of Luo Feng's past lives—all glaring at him. Inside, the Death Queen lounged at the head of a bloodwood table, sipping tea that steamed green with poison.
To her left sat:
The Ice Phoenix Matriarch – A woman so cold her tears froze in her eyes (and also his ex-fiancée from 200 years ago, apparently).
The Veil Dancer Assassin – Who kept flipping a dagger between her fingers while mouthing "I'll kill you later" with disturbing fondness.
Lady Ling – The Sword Saint's sister, still carrying the guqin Luo Feng had "gifted" her during that disastrous musical seduction.
The Death Queen smiled, revealing teeth filed to points. "Darling, you've met everyone! Except her, of course."
She gestured to the empty chair beside her—where the ghost of the Wife of Ashes shimmered faintly, sipping spectral tea.
Luo Feng's stomach dropped. "What the hells?"
The Fox Spirit's ninth tail hissed. "Oh, this is bad."
[The Tea Party From the Nine Hells]
Round 1: Poisoned Pleasantries
The Death Queen slid a teacup toward Luo Feng. "Drink. Or I'll peel your fox's tails off one by one."
The tea was, unsurprisingly:
70% neurotoxin
20% crushed dreams
10% actual tea leaves
Luo Feng drank it anyway, relying on his Poison Immunity to not die instantly.
The Ice Phoenix Matriarch sniffed. "Pathetic. He used to withstand five cups before begging."
Round 2: Accusations & Acrimony
Lady Ling plucked a dissonant chord on her guqin. "You promised me duets under the moonlight."
The Veil Dancer sighed. "You promised me a quick death. Liar."
The ghostly Wife of Ashes just looked at him, her expression unreadable.
Round 3: The Fox Spirit's Gambit
Xiao Jiuying slammed her hands on the table. "Okay, enough! Here's the deal—you give us your first tear, and we don't tell the Thunder God where you hid his favorite lightning bolt."
The Death Queen went still.
[The Tear Jerker]
For a heartbeat, no one breathed.
Then—
A single, glittering drop slid down the Death Queen's cheek.
It hit the teacup with a hiss, burning through the porcelain like acid.
The Fox Spirit lunged, snatching the tear in a jade vial. "Got it!"
The Death Queen shrieked, her bridal veils erupting into serpents—
—just as the Wife of Ashes' ghost flickered and whispered:
"Now, run."
[Check-In Complete (Barely)]
[Reward: Death Queen's First Tear Acquired]
[Side Effect: Now Being Hunted by All Ex-Lovers]
They escaped in a hail of poisoned hairpins and shattered teacups, the Death Queen's wails shaking the trees:
"I'LL WEAR YOUR EYEBALLS AS EARINGS!"
The Fox Spirit cackled, clutching the vial. "That was awesome!"
Li Qing, bleeding from a guqin-string slash across her cheek, muttered: "Never again."
Luo Feng's hands shook as the final memory slotted into place—
The Wife of Ashes handing him a teacup just like that one, her voice soft: "When the time comes, make her cry."
END OF THE CHAPTER33