"You are nothing without me, Selene. Remember your place." All of you people had told me the same thing-to know my place.
I've always known it, I swore I always have. But how could I stop myself then? Where do I truly belong? Who am I?
**
Theon stormed off the room, irritated and left heavy steps. Selene could only heave a sigh of relief, It was over. Finally, it was. Not her situation-just that suffocating moment. She was relieved that everything ended on those terms because he could've done worse-but he didn't.
**
I intended to go back to my room as I wondered about these conflicting feelings within me. It was only when I met the Grand Duchess that I was stopped in my tracks.
"Selene." What was she doing here? Did she already hear about my argument with Theo?
"I greet the Grand Duchess."
"You had a conversation with my son." So she knew.
"Did it go well?" This caught me off-guard. Does she know, or does she not? Is she asking because she knows?
"..Yes, It went well." My eyes strayed away from her gaze, I could never be caught lying. I cannot.
"Oh my, then I should prepare to see a grandson soon... You should go."
— she doesn't know. "Thank you" I said, with steadfast footsteps, I walked—then started to run-what was I running from?
Everyone. I feared that if I stayed here, I would also go mad from despair. I was afraid of everyone in this house—even myself.
I closed the door behind me and recounted what went through today. My mother is dead, now lying in her grave somberly. She isn't supposed to look this way-the Lilith I knew was a charming enchantress, a woman seething with liberty and devotion Everywhere she went, rays of the sun would illuminate her figure. Only I knew how my mother truly was—under that perfect smile, she was merely a flawed, miserable woman who regretted marrying and giving birth.
Lilith was the Former Duke's lover before he was wed, she was a gypsy. When the Young Duke was attending business in the south, my unfortunate mother met him. Like a cliche, they fell for each other and became lovers.
The ducal relatives did not approve of them, and it was a given. They had no choice but to separate, as the young duke still had a bright future ahead of him. My mother, in contrast, met another man shortly after and hastily got married as she had conceived me in her womb. She kept it a secret that I was conceived before marriage.
'Mother. Are you now taking revenge on me? You're quite cruel.'
I believed that she has always resented me-as my father was that man.
I shared the same blood of the very person that assaulted her.
Never once in my life have I heard the word 'love' from my mother. It has always disgusted her when I called her mother, yet she took on raising me to ease the bit of her guilt of not being able to abort me and making me breathe in this crude world.
I scoffed at my own thoughts. It was only today did I realize how much I could see myself through my poor, unfortunate, lonely mother.
I never hated her-in the end, all I ever wanted was just someone to call mom.
But I resent myself for not taking my mother's words to heart. I was already past the age of puberty, yet here I was-daydreaming a life completely different from what we had.
When I awoke, I was disgracefully lying on the floor-still in my garments from yesterday. I'm not a child anymore, I could've at least changed before I closed my eyes. How convenient that none of the maids tried to enter at this late hour.
I quickly rose from my footing and immediately bathed, my body was icky from the rain yesterday-disgusting, unbefitting for a duchess.
At the very least-it was some sort of comfort for me that no one was able to see this sight, but me.
"Duchess, The Mistress has summoned you to the greenhouse, and requests your presence right away."
How impudent, for a mere servant to not knock before entering. Do they think I'm just a shell of nothing in this house?
"Alright, I shall go. Come and help me dress."
"Right away duchess."
***
The smell of fresh roses crept in my nostrills,
It was strong and suffocating. I was never the person that liked such flowers, if anything, I'd very much prefer Calla Lilies.
The servants announced my arrival and opened the door to the greenhouse. There, I saw ladies from different ducal houses. Seeing this, I now know what my mother-in-law was trying to say: "These ladies were the marriage candidates before my son married you—they're much better than you in every aspect."
It was not hard to deduce this situation into words. My mother-in-law openly despised me.
Her bringing ladies from other houses meant that I was neglecting my duties as the duchess–and as a wife. This was an orchestrated event to humiliate me.
"I greet the Grand Duchess." I say, lowering my head.
"Oh yes, welcome. We started without you, and it seems you have nowhere to sit. "
I raised my head and scanned the room—there really was nothing to sit on.
"That is alright," forcing a smile, I continued
"After all, I am here as I was summoned with urgency." I took a step forward and gave a smile for the guests. I am still the duchess, and right now, they are in the Lancaster Territory.
"..Hm, very well." The grand duchess suddenly rose from her seat, and this motion gestured that she would announce something big.
Even I was startled.
"Everyone, I invite you all to come and join me and celebrate, as Lancaster is expecting a new star."