I'm conflicted.
Can a person have a new love for someone new, after they've been in love before?
I used to be in love before. With someone who I thought would be my only love for the rest of living life.
Yet things have changed. I have changed. Ever since a new person has stepped into my life. I don't know her yet, but I feel we were meant to know each other.
I come every morning, ordering the same drink, sitting at the same table, wearing the same types of clothes. Yet you fail to recognize me.
I know you don't see me, but I see you though. And that's enough for me, for now.
Look at you. You've only been at this job a month, but you're already good at what you're doing.
You just seem too good to be true. You look the type to have a chip on your
shoulder. The way you move, the address people, the way flatter your customers.
You've done this before. You're running from someone - something.
I don't know what it is yet, but I like to search anything.
Shit, I'm late I need to go to work.
Damn would you look at her? Don't walk past me, please don't walk past me. Don't do it!!-
OHHH she's done it.
The smell, the hair, the smile. Everything about her is just beautiful.
Okay, I need to go to work. Come on man focus!
...
I fuckin hate this city. The smell, the people, the buildings, the food and everything that comes with it. I just hate the fact that I have to be in too.
Can't believe I used to love my job.
Them bringing me to this dump has to be the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life. Now I have to deal with these faces along with its unnecessarily complicated cultures.
Again, this place sucks. But luckily for me, I've found her. A diamond in the dirt. Or is it rough? Nah, can't be. Because she isn't a rough in the diamond, she's just perfect.
This place is the dirt. That's why she's my diamond in the dirt.
Finally, I'm at work. I actually lied earlier. I never loved my job. But it pays me, and it pays me a lot.
''Employee card please.''
''Eddy, it's me.''
''I know it's you, but I get paid to ask for it.'' Eddy looks at him unenthusiastically.
''Damn bro, it's all the way at the bottom of my bag, I'd have to scrap through the whole thing.''
''You're not allowed without an employee card, if you've lost it or forgot it, you'll have to call HR and they have to sign off on your entry without an employee card.''
Eddy, you son of a bitch. I've been here at least a few months, and there's no reason for you do me like this. Now I have to- oh there it is. Lucky me.
''Here, you fat sack.'' I whisper.
''What?''
''Nothing, just clock the card would you. I'm almost late.''
This building. Smells like shit. If shit was a bunch of cheap cologne and fake Italian suits. I should get to my office.
''Sir! Excuse me sir!'' Running heels come from behind me.
Jazmine, why this early.
''What, Jazmine.''
And why are you wearing clothes like that? Are you trying to seduce me? Maybe she wants to have sex. Or maybe she wants something from me.
''Sir, did you hear what I said.''
''No.''
''The chairman wants a meeting with you.''
''Tell him I'm busy.''
''He said it's urgent.''
''Tell him I have a more urgent matter.''
''Which is?''
''I don't know Jazmine, make something up.''
This woman is so obnoxious.
''By the way before you leave. Why are you wearing that? If you're expecting to ask for a raise. You don't have to wear, I'll give you one.''
''You're the one that said I should wear it sir.''
Why the fuck is she looking at me like that? I swear I need a less attractive assistant.
''No, I didn't.''
''Yes, you did. You said and I quote 'Wear something sexier, you'll be likeable that way.' don't you remember sir?''
Shit, I did say that.
''Well, this is too sexy. Wear something less.''
''Yes sir.'' She leaves the room.
I know you what you're doing woman. I know your kind. But that's not where my heart is. Wait - is it weird that I have photo of her on phone? I mean I have them for the right reasons, since I don't see you most of the time, I get to see you here.
On my phone.
''Mr Louw.''
''Chairman. What bring you here?''
''I asked your assistant to have you at my office but she said you had a meeting. I'm guessing it's finished. Can I come in?''
No.
''Yeah please have a seat.''
I hate how he asks to be invited but still invites himself.
''Okay Mr. Louw, I've been meaning to you about the Hendrix Store Department. The one that's in the city.''
''Yeah, I've heard it needs a new director?''
''Yes, and that will be you.''
No!
''What?''
''I want you, to direct everything at Hendrix.''
No! I don't want more work! Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
''Of course, your payment will be increased.''
Okay... carry on.
''Here's what we're thinking.''
''FUCK ME- excuse my French sir but, this...this is a lot.''
''I know, but you deserve. You might not know this, but you've revolutionized this place a lot. And this is how I want to repay you.''
I know.
''Thank you, sir, a 100- '' Let me whisper it to him because someone might hear me. ''100 thousand?''
''Exactly.''
''I could kiss your toes.''
''No.''
''Yes.''
Don't look at me like that, if you were me, you'd understand you old bastard.
''Again sir, Thank you for this opportunity.''
''No problem.''
Okay now, enough of the hang shaking and leave.
''Jazmine, my office.''
...
''Yes?''
I swear her voice wasn't that high when we talked last time. She must know about the offer.
''Sir is everything okay?''
''I'll be director at Hendrix department, and you're coming with me.''
''Oh really?! Congratulations sir-''
''Save it. I know you already knew.''
''I actually didn't sir.''
''Oh? really?''
''Yes, this is my first time hearing about it.''
''Okay you can leave now.''
...
After a long day of hard work, and 100k on me. I should go celebrate myself by going to my love.
''Mmhh mmhh mhhh.''
''Sir? Are you singing?''
''No.''
''I just heard you singing. And saw you dancing.''
''Jazmine, first of all what are you doing here at hour. And second of all, why are you in my office.''
''I was waiting for you. I thought maybe we could celebrate... Since you're getting a big cheque and all.''
''Who told you about that? And no thank you.''
''No one, I can tell by the happiness on your face. You always have that smile, when you're about to make a lot of money.'
Why does she know that? Is she the only one that does? Shit, is my face that readable?
''Don't worry sir, I'm the only one that would know. Since I'm in front of your office and all. Remember I can see through the glass window of your office.''
Shit, my next office will have blurry windows or whatever it is.
''You can leave Jazmine. I'll send you money to celebrate on your own for all I care.''
...
Hey, I'm back. At the same seat. With the same order and the same clothes I had this morning. I just want my day to end with seeing you atleast. Before I go to that hell hole I call home. Everything that's there isn't for me anyways.
''Yo what's up man.''
Why does he always have to take my order? Can't you do it for once, am I that unlucky?
''Same order.''
''Okay.''
Fucking jerk. I'm starting to think you're competing with me, to get to her. Okay, challenge accepted.
Where is this coffee it's been 5 minutes. They don't usually take this long. I'm getting impatient.
''Hey.''
Shit! It's you.
''Hi- Hey.''
What the fuck was that?
''Here's your coffee.''
''Oh, thank you.''
Say something else, say something else. Come on! Say something else!
''Must've taken while huh.''
''Yeah.''
Way to blow you chances. Now she's gone. She is walking away. You're embarrassing, you waited a whole month for this, just to blow it.
''Hey, can I talk to you?''
To whom? Me?
''Yes. I mean, if that's what you want.''
Calm down, calm down. You don't even know what she wants. Yes, I love you. Wait, let's listen. Why is my heart beating so fast. Fuck I hope this is also something that's only visible to Jazmine.
''Why do you come here?''
''Excuse me?''
''Why do you come? You're always looking at me, and never say anything. And it's making me very uncomfortable. So if you have anything you've been meaning to tell me. Speak now.''
Shit shit shit shit. I'm a weirdo. How did it come to this? I didn't mean to be a weirdo. Fuck how am I supposed to explain this...
'That's not it at all, it's just that I like the coffee.''
''No, you don't, you don't finish it. You sit here for around 30 minutes and make one order, and don't even finish that one order.''
Fuck, I'm a weirdo guys.
''To tell you the truth. I don't like drinking coffee. I like the smell of it. Will you arrest me now?''
''Ohhh okay, if you say so. Just please stop looking at me.''
How am I suppose to recover from this?
''I'm sorry but, I need to leave.''
''Hey wait! You haven't paid your tab.''
Fuck now that too.
''Keep the change.''
So much for a celebration. Who knew she was aware of me this whole time? Was it the dress code? My smooth hair? Damn, I can't believe she noticed me this whole time.
...
Fuck! Now I'm home. My home might look nice, but it isn't. The shit might aswell be haunted too, since it has witch roaming around it daily.
*Sigh* Finally I'm home.
''Hey honey, welcome back. How was work?''
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, Please don't touch me. Now don't kiss me bitch damn, wasn't the touching enough.
''It was good, got a huge promotion too.''
What kind of woman kisses and hugs you everyday? Can this marriage be any worse?
''Really what promotion?''
''I'll become director of Hendrix, and get a huge raise. Enough for a new mansion and car.''
''Really? I'm so happy for you.''
''Yeah... Hey, there's dirt on the stairs, did you see it?''
''Oh I must've forgot to clean it. It must be from the maintainance man who came in earlier.''
Bitch can't even clean properly.
''I'll shower.''
''When you're done you should come down for food.''
No one wants your food woman.
''Okay.''
God please help me.