"Ouch, ouch, ouch… Who the hell's pinching my butt?!"
Lin Xuan's eyes snapped open. Harsh sunlight streamed through a carved wooden window, casting golden patterns on an ancient ceiling. He stared blankly at the canopy above—an embroidered silk drape depicting entwined dragons and phoenixes. A faint, intoxicating fragrance lingered in the air, like dew mixed with blooming peonies. The silk bedding beneath him felt smooth as a young girl's skin. He reached down instinctively, only to touch something warm and soft.
"Mmm…" A lazy moan brushed his ear.
Lin Xuan froze and slowly turned his head—
A slender hand with pink nails rested on his rear. The fingers were delicate and glowed like pearls. His gaze trailed up the alabaster forearm, where a translucent silk robe had slipped off the shoulder, revealing smooth, milky skin. Further up—a graceful neck, slightly parted cherry-red lips, a high nose bridge, thick lashes trembling like feathers, and cascading black hair that tangled with his clothing.
This woman looked like she stepped out of a painting!
Lin Xuan's throat bobbed as his breathing grew ragged. His eyes drifted down to her partially covered figure beneath the brocade quilt. The curves under her sheer robe were barely hidden; her waist was so slender it looked like a single hand could encircle it. A jade-like leg poked out, the knee tinged pink, toes curling over the blanket's edge. A red string with a golden bell was tied around her ankle, tinkling softly with her breath.
"Had enough, dog?"
A cold, husky voice interrupted him. Yun Qingyue's eyes opened, sharp as icy blades. She sat up, and her robe fell to her waist, revealing a breathtaking view of snowy peaks beneath the sheer fabric. Lin Xuan felt a sudden nosebleed and quickly covered his face—
His fingers came away red.
"Useless." Yun Qingyue snorted, stepping barefoot onto the gold-woven carpet. The morning light outlined her seductive figure as her silk robe flowed down her hips. A cinnabar birthmark flashed at her thigh with each step. She casually grabbed a crimson dress from the screen, and as she turned, her waist dipped gracefully, butterfly bones fluttering beneath the robe.
Lin Xuan's mind exploded as memories of his past life came rushing back—
He was once a corporate wage slave on Earth, forced to take the fall for his boss and died after a night of heavy drinking. Now, he had reincarnated in the Xuantian Continent, as the top loser of Tianxiang Kingdom, dragged home by the eldest princess Yun Qingyue as her bed-warmer husband. The original Lin Xuan had a devilishly handsome face but zero cultivation and lived worse than a dog, getting his butt pinched every night to "test the bed's temperature."
"Today marks your third month in this residence." Yun Qingyue fastened her sash, skirt fluttering to reveal snow-white thighs. She lifted Lin Xuan's chin with a lacquered finger, tracing his throat. "If you keep lying there like dead meat…" Her breath brushed his ear, warm and fragrant, "I'll feed you to the Redflame Dragon in the alchemy room. They say it loves tender young men."
Cold sweat broke out across Lin Xuan's back. A memory surged: a servant who peeked at Yun Qingyue bathing last month was tossed into the pill furnace. His screams echoed through the palace until even his bones were licked clean.
[DING!]
A mechanical voice suddenly rang in his mind:
[Survival instinct detected. Activating the "Legendary Bootlicker Reversal System"!]
[Main Quest: Face-Slaps! Reversals! Build Your Harem!]
[Starter Pack: Nine Yang Battle Body (Unactivated)]
[Today's Task: Make Yun Qingyue Kiss You Voluntarily (0/1)]
[Failure Penalty: Soul Annihilation]
Lin Xuan stared at the translucent panel before him, twitching. "This system's a damn extortionist!"
Yun Qingyue noticed him dazed and tapped his leg with her embroidered shoe. "Deaf? Help me dress."
Lin Xuan lowered his head, hiding the sharp gleam in his eyes. In his past life, he got his corrupt boss hospitalized just by talking sweet at a banquet. Now he bowed deeply, voice softer than the original host's: "What would Madam like to wear today? The peacock-feather cloak highlights your willow waist, but the gauzy mermaid gown—"
"Annoying." Yun Qingyue cut him off, raising her arms for him to assist.
As Lin Xuan reached for her waist sash, he suddenly cried out, "Oww!"
"What now?"
"Your waist, Madam…" He let his fingers linger, pretending concern. "Did you bump the bedframe last night? It's as hard as a rock." With practiced ease, he began to knead and massage the spot like a seasoned spa professional.
Yun Qingyue's body trembled, a flush rising to her ears. "Did you eat something weird today?"
"I recently learned a new massage technique to soothe the aches of beautiful ladies." Lin Xuan leaned in, breath brushing her skin. "If Madam rewards me with a kiss, I can make you feel even… better."
The room fell dead silent.
Yun Qingyue turned slowly, her sleeves trailing a fragrant breeze. She pinched his chin, nails digging into his flesh. "You dare ask for a kiss, you filthy dog?"
Lin Xuan winced but kept staring at her lips—full and glistening like dew-covered roses, parting just enough to reveal gleaming teeth. Her words, however, dripped venom. "You're nothing more than a living bedwarmer. Think you matter?"
[Warning! Host HP: 10% remaining!]
The system blared red alerts. Lin Xuan made a snap decision and pinned Yun Qingyue against the screen. It crashed behind them as he trapped her with his arms, noses nearly touching. "You use me like a human hot water bottle every night. But do you even know…" He traced her collarbone. "What real bed-warming looks like?"
Her pupils shrank. She raised a hand to slap him, but he caught it and pinned it above her head. Her robe fell open—rosy peaks trembling beneath the fabric. Lin Xuan swallowed hard and bit gently on her birthmark.
"Outrageous!" Yun Qingyue shuddered and kneed toward his groin.
Lin Xuan dodged, brushing her earlobe as he whispered, "Your heart's racing. Don't tell me… you're getting turned on?"
"I'll kill you!" She summoned a blade of spiritual energy at her fingertip.
[Host, dodge! That's a Spirit Spring Realm kill move!]
Life on the line, Lin Xuan closed his eyes, puckered up, and shouted: "Kill me if you must! Dying under your skirt would be a pleasure!"
The killing aura halted just before his nose.
Yun Qingyue stared at his trembling lashes and suddenly chuckled. She played with his belt, lips brushing his: "So desperate for a kiss?" Her tongue teased his lips. "Then I'll grant you—"
The sentence was swallowed by their kiss. Lin Xuan felt fireworks explode in his head. Her scent filled his senses, sweetness flooding their joined lips. He instinctively pulled her closer, deepening the kiss—until the metallic taste of blood hit his tongue.
"Ow!" He recoiled, covering his bitten lip.
Yun Qingyue leaned against the broken screen, lips stained like blood, her sheer robe disheveled, exposing spring scenery. Yet her gaze was icy. "How's the taste?"
[Mission Complete! Nine Yang Battle Body Activated!]
A searing heat surged through his body, golden flames igniting in his dantian, bones cracking as power flooded him. Yun Qingyue's eyes narrowed. She flashed before him, pressing a finger to his chest. "When did you get cultivation?"
Lin Xuan licked the blood off his lip and grinned wickedly. "Perhaps your lips were coated in divine nectar?"
"Courting death!" She summoned an ice blade. The room's temperature dropped instantly.
Lin Xuan grabbed her wrist, rubbing the pulse. "You really want to kill me? That kiss was passionate. Isn't this reaction a bit too cold?"
Her ears turned red. The ice blade traced his neck, drawing blood. "Say one more word and I'll cut off your tongue!"
"Then you'd better be careful—" Lin Xuan leaned close, voice husky, "Because this tongue… can bring you more pleasure."
"Shameless!" Yun Qingyue kicked him away, summoning silver chains that wrapped him like a dumpling. She dragged him deeper into the palace. Lin Xuan's back scraped the jade tiles, yet he still teased, "Madam likes it rough? Just say the word. I'll even moan for you."
The ornate door slammed shut. Yun Qingyue tossed him onto a couch, towering over him as she undid her sash. "Since you've got so much energy, help me test this pill." She held a scarlet pill to his lips. "Swallow it. Spit it out and—"
Before she finished, Lin Xuan snatched the pill between his lips, his tongue grazing her fingers. She recoiled like shocked, but he yanked her waist closer with the chain, noses touching. "Madam's medicine… deserves to be savored." He swallowed it. Gold glimmered in his eyes. "But next time… let's try another delivery method?"
[DING! Nine Yang Battle Body Fusion +10%!]
[Yin energy detected. Recommend continued skinship!]
Yun Qingyue slapped him away, stumbling as her robe slipped off. She eyed the golden energy pulsing in his veins, then smirked. "From today on, report your cultivation progress every night at dog hour." She tied his belt in a knot. "If you're late—"
Her red dress swept past the door. Her voice echoed behind:
"I'll throw you in the medicinal pool and refine you into a living furnace.
Lin Xuan pulled off the chains, licking the lingering pill's sweetness from his lips. The system screen reappeared:
[New Quest: Sneak into Yun Qingyue's bedroom tonight and complete "Bed-Warming Trial v2.0"]
[Reward: "Phoenix Subduing Palm" Manual (Effective against Cold-Hearted Queens)]
He looked out at the setting sun and grinned like a fox. "That bed, Madam… I'll be keeping it warm."
(End of Chapter)