Lucas slammed open the war room doors in the Crimson Citadel, blood-soaked cloak dragging behind him like a drama queen entering his villain arc. Vampires snapped to attention. Scrolls flew. Dreg saluted with the wrong hand and poked his own eye.
"Status report," Lucas growled.
A vampire scribe stepped forward. "Umm… well, my lord, we've—uh—lit more torches than usual."
Lucas blinked. "That's it?"
"We… also cleaned the courtyard?"
Mira groaned.
[System Update: Welcome Home, Apocalypse Boy]
Defensive Readiness: 21% (That's being generous)
Army Morale: "Wait, we're fighting what?"
Wall Integrity: Sturdy-ish
Leadership: Technically present
Recommended Strategy: Panic (professionally)
Lucas threw his gloves at the table. "Okay. Let's be clear. We're about to be attacked by every undead abomination that smelled my blood. I need warriors. I need traps. I need that goat on a leash."
From outside, the goat bleated and knocked over a guard.
Mira stepped in. "I've already deployed scouts to watch the ridge. Rook is enchanting the outer wards. And I've bribed three rogue mages with fermented nightwine."
Lucas blinked. "You're my favorite."
"I know."
The Plan (™)
Lucas pointed at a crudely drawn map. It looked like a child had stabbed a quill into it.
"Dreg, you're on the north wall. Do not eat the signal flares."
"Can I lick one?"
"No."
"Half?"
"Still no."
"Okay."
"Lila, shadow units on standby. Hit fast. Hit weird. Then vanish."
She disappeared before he finished the sentence.
Lucas paused. "Okay, that was both creepy and efficient."
Then he turned to the crowd. "The rest of you—start preparing every defensive spell, relic, and angry bat you've got. I want this place looking like a cursed fortress from a nightmare before nightfall!"
[System Sarcasm Rising]
Rally Speech Rating: 6/10
Threat Level: "One step above mild inconvenience"
Pep Factor: You tried. Really. Gold star.
Goat Status: Still unbothered, still undefeated.
The citadel began to buzz with movement—vampires sharpening weapons, casting spells, awkwardly praying to forgotten blood gods.
Lucas stood at the balcony, overlooking it all.
And then—
BOOM.
A massive shockwave rattled the city gates.
From the mist beyond the valley, silhouettes appeared. Dozens. Hundreds. Marching. Crawling. Flying.
All heading straight for them.
One figure stepped ahead, tall and cloaked in shadow.
Lucas narrowed his eyes. "Is that..."
[System Alert: New Challenger Approaching]
Name: Velkar the Hollow
Titles: Lord of Bone Fog, Kisser of Skulls, and Definitely Petty
Power Level: Very High
Personal Grudge: Yes. You stole his ancestral toothbrush.
Lucas turned to Mira. "How bad is this going to be?"
"Let's just say... we're gonna need more than torches."
Lucas sighed. "Alright then. Everyone ready your weapons. Say your dramatic one-liners. And someone bring snacks."