"You know you can skip all of that pretty quickly, that's what everyone does. No time for me... Well. We're not supposed to. Technically we can't." She daises off in a wonder.
"But I can now!" She grabs his hands and begins twirl him in circles.
"Easy. Easy... Take it easy." Urging her to slowdown. 'Man I feel like I can lift her no problem.'
"This is the greatest moment of my! Wait... How old am I?..." She thinks to herself for a minute. "LIFE!"
They go into several more intense spins as he begins to get dizzy and nauseated. She let's go of him, he loses control, and smashes into a tree.
"Sorry! You good there?"
Gasping for air he manages to get himself together. "Yeah. Totally in tune with mother nature."
"Who's that? Your girlfriend?"
"Don't worry about it. Not my mother either. Look..." He regains his composure. "I'm going to cook this shrimp." 'And get the hell out of here before I bone h....'
Hannah snaps her fingers in his face, "And what? Hellooo!!! You there?"
His face goes cross eyed and back to normal. She bursts in a laughter she's never had.
"And move on is what I meant to say." He continues posing as a noob. "Finish this adventure thingy. You know. Smack that tree some more."
She gives him a motherly approach, "Oh you're just getting started buddy. Now cook that shrimp."
'That's strange. Sounds like my own mother.'
He saddles up and wiggles his feet. 'No.. Not like the intro man. STOP!'
"Right. I shall do this diligently, without failure. For a cause unknown... For a cause above oneself!"
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just do it lover boy. Your lover girl is waiting." She jingles a bell.
"Really? Right. Get on it. Here it goes."
'Where'd she get that?'
He cracks his knuckles and attempts to cook his first shrimp. He places it down slowly towards the fire, coordinating every angle to put it in right.
In Game: Burnt shrimp.
'Shoot.' "I burnt it."
She talks to him as if he were a child "That's okay... Try again."
He manages to catch another shrimp, this time a little faster. As he attempts to put it in the fire a fly does a drive by his nose.
In Game: Burnt Shrimp.
"Dang it. That little..."
"It wasn't the fly, you did it right. Try again."
He repeats the steps as one RuneScape adventurer would.
In Game: Burnt Shrimp.
'The heck.' "Uh. Somethings going on here." He looks closely at his hands.
Hannah shockingly questions everything. "What is happening? So you were supposed to fail your first one. But then, the rest are all random."
"Right RNG."
"RN what?"
He walks over to the pond, "never mind... I'll just do it again. And if the SUN falls out of the SKY!!!! I'll be REALLY confused."
"That hasn't happened in over three-thousand clicks."
"How long is that?"
"A long long time..."
Eric looks confused at Hannah as she continues explaining.
"Since Elvarg burnt Varrock. The big shower... toxic storm... whatever you wanna call it. He almost completely wiped them all out."
Eric scratches his head, "You have showers?"
He continues thinking to himself, 'Gamers are basically toxic... Doesn't she know about game tics? How do they tell time here? Do they have concepts from our world? Wait they always had showers...'
"Just forget it. Cook another one..." Hannah watches Eric closely.
He quickly attempts to cook another shrimp and failure after failure he grinds without any XP drops. Sweat drips down his forehead. The intensity of wanting to cook a shrimp amplifies.
'I desire... SUCCESS!!!!'
Back at Jagex Headquarters Alec rails in laughter.
"Keep messing with him! Oh. Oh. OOOOH! Let's make a bet. How many shrimp can he burn before one of us gets flat out drunk. Like blackout drunk!"
Filip monitoring the code on his second screen speaks up "He's already figured us out... Aren't you already drunk?"
"I BET! It'll be a thousand! A million! No a number we cant fathom! I was pretendah ding! One trillion..."
Grinning Jared makes a simplifying remark, "You can't handle that many drinks..."
Hovering over the fire Eric glares at it.
'This is it.'
He slams the shrimp down.
In Game: You successfully managed to cook a shrimp.
"YES!"
Hannah cheers and abruptly stops. "That's odd. I never saw anyone cook like that before. One sec. I need to call the WiseOldMan and let him know."
She takes out an orb, turns around, and ducks down in a crouched position as if anyone's going to listen in.
Jared comments on the events that took place up until this point.
"It's strange to see these NPC's behave differently and yet its amusing me. All these years we thought they were completely programmed."
Alec tries to be cool, "Who cares what they're up to. He's burning all the shrimp. BAHAHHA!"
His laughter fades.
"What? I thought it was funny..."
Filip continues the subject. "When a normal player walks by they follow the code we programmed them with. As soon as someone that isn't normal, in this case Eric, walks by they just change. Maybe it's because they think he's one of them?"
Quoting a famous RS Legend "What may seem real may not be. But what is can never be broken."
Looking confused Alec comes to a realization and whacks Filip in the head. "Exactly idiot they all know that he's a normal player! Hell isn't it obvious they are still treating him like one."
In defense Filip squirms, "Well..."
"No wells. No butts. No stinking coconuts! We aren't diggin for fresh water here! Or wiping someone's ass for that matter."
He rapidly blurts out his words forcing his point down Alec's throat.
"Well they are all still programmed to sustain the functionality of the game, but what is drawing my attention is the fact that they can go off script to this extent, and expand their social behavior with Eriii...."
WHACK!
Clenching the shrimp gloriously Eric screams at the top of his lungs.
"YEEEEES!"
He moves his hips side to side as if he just entered a club for the first time.
In Game: The shrimp successfully burns in your hand.
"Hey that's not fair!" She wines disappointedly.
"That wasn't supposed to happen."
She points at the shrimp, "You were supposed to stay warm and get eaten like a desperate fat kid, me when I was younger, looking for the Masters Chef chocolate cake! WHY!!!!?"
She drops to her knees.
"Why did you do this to me!?"
Eric drops the burnt shrimp. "He doesn't talk."
The speed of light can't sustain her ferocity as she dashes and tackles him landing on top. Think of it as a cherry on top for our beloved gamer who was once a loner.
She yells and slobbers all over his face, "I KNOW HE DOESN"T TALK!!!!!!"
His breathing intensifies noticing the position he's in.
"Good."
Gulp.
She sort of rocks, "That it? Good? Pathetic. You're not a fighter that's what."
She gets up, "And most definitely not a lover. Any guy would have railed me sideways till sunset by now. Especially in that once in a lifetime position. For me that is... I don't know about you.."
She casually notices the hump in between his legs.
"Don't really care. Really... I'm more reserved... But you're different is all I'm trying to say. Vannaka is sure to make a lady out of you."
She smacks her head, "I mean a man out of you!"
Bighting her lip and getting all teary eyed she gives him one last moment. "Just go."
'Well that was intense.'
Sighing he get's up and attempts to be considerate, "I guess I'll see you later?"
No reply.
Jared sips his whisky. "We are not going to screw with him forever."
"OH come-on why nooooot???"
Alec walks over and jumps on the couch next to Jared.
"BUZZ KILL! KILLER! Oh come on man.. to eternity and beyond? Can't do it if he's dead know what I mean?"
As Alec looks at him Jared's composure solidifies. "Weren't you hurrying?"
He looks around obliviously, "to where?"
He sips on his drink cherishing every moment. "To get off the Tutorial Island."
He quickly adjusts his tie, smacks his pants as if they were dirty 'Shucks.' "Right! Let's get the freak out of there! And then go from eternity to beyond! Beyond the moon! Stars! GALAXIES! What have you."
"Okay Mr. Buzz light year fan..."
"I'm gonna kill you for that!"
In the meantime Eric catches another shrimp and cooks it.
In Game: You manage to cook some shrimp.
Click here to continue.
An arrow appears above a gate west of him.
'I don't need that I know where to go. Right they don't know, the game doesn't know... Drrrr... It's programmed that way.'
He makes his way towards the gate, 'what if I go south and jump the fence? What then.... We could never go beyond the fenced out areas as players in the game.'
A shrimp plops next to him. He turns around. For a moment he scans the hill top and trees and see's nothing.
A head pops out.
'Oh its Hannah, getting one last look. Or is it me getting the last look? I gotta move forward. I'm going to miss her. What is she thinking?'
He turns back around and walks off. Hannah waves to him and blows some raspberry kisses.
'Look at those buns! I'm going to miss you too...'
He finally manages to pass the gate and make his way west towards a house. Above the door a new yellow upside down arrow exists blinking directing him towards it.
In Game: Follow the path until you get to the door with the yellow arrow above it. Click on the door to open it. Remember that you can also move around by clicking on the minimap in the top right corner.
'Great its like I'm back at grade school learning my abc's. Or better yet, I'm a baby learning to walk again, although I don't remember that. Would be fun to see though.'
He continues to walk and explore the options he has in game.
'Wow. The minimap is cool though. It's like a cheat code. I could direct myself to a far out point a long distance away by using this thing. GPS. DUH! Of course they had it before we did. Wait if this game was created 12 years ago in a computer, but obviously it's not what we all thought it was, then how long did they really exist?'
He sighs and pushes forward.
'Who knows... I don't even remember the game that much. Hmm. How am I supposed to do this? I don't remember the Tutorial Island that well I mean, who does. No one does. Everyone gtfo's the moment they get in. "It's the shortest prison sentence you'll ever do." MOD Ashe used to say. Although that was a huge inside joke in the RS community. But no one outside of it got it... Whatever. Just keep pushing forward it'll come back.'
Walking past a dead looking tree and several beautiful daisy patches, whiffs of the delightful scent are irresistible. He finally reaches the bottom of the hill and stops at a solid wooden door.
In Game: Open Door.
'What's that smell?'