It haunts me. He had someone he cared so much for, even in his last moments, that his mind went to her. A friend, a sister? Maybe even a wife, who knows about the traditions in the city.
I can't stop thinking about the last words of that adventurer.
And I almost feel… jealous? I had a sister but we grew distant, and I had no friends or loved ones for at least a decade. My final moments went wasted, drowned in my blood on that cold pavement.
It's been a couple hours since the attack. We set up camp near the hideout, for the night. Tomorrow we will make sure the chests are hidden and go back to the tribe.
I just passed the last hour making sure we weren't leaving any trace so to not be followed. Normally this wouldn't have been my role, I'm still a Newblood, but we lost six goblins today. Almost a third of the warriors.
Hiding our tracks without the help of the sun is not a simple task, but I need this. I need to feel I did something useful, to feel I too earned the treasures. So, hating every second of them, I pass two more hours trying to convince myself that I'm useful and then I head back to the camp. I notice they have already put the chest in the cave, and are now preparing the stray beds. Out of the blue, Marrowsh is in front of me.
"What took you so long? All the other trackers came back more than one hour ago! I thought you got caught"
I feel my body freezing up and my blood running cold.
"I'm sorry, I was just really making sure I didn't forget anything… I'm sorry, I am Newblood, not a tracker.
"Well, Newblood, at least it seems you are a really good cleaner" he says smirking and pointing at my shortsword, perfectly clean. "Looks almost like your sword didn't see a drop of blood today, huh?" I'm sweating. I feel the eyes of all the goblins on me.
"Whatever... go get ready, you will take the first three turns of the night watch for your lateness".
Without being told twice, I seize the moment and bolt, escaping everyone's judgment.
I really can't still be so scared to talk to Marrowsh. Every time he addresses me I feel like being back in 5th grade and being scolded by the teacher. But I have just survived a battle! This is ridiculous. I am ridiculous.
Before getting ready to guard duty, I stop by Greech's bed. A healer is over him, I recognize her, it's Voss again. The first days I would hardly be able to tell female goblins apart from the male ones, but now I have learned that her long ears, strong legs, and bulky frame are the perfect canonical goblin beauty. Still, I find myself thinking in human terms, and I have yet to actually form any type of intimate connection with another goblin. To be fair, I never really managed to do that neither when I was human.
Voss turns to me, moving away from Greech, and I see the many blood-soaked sheets besides him. My heart clenches. Does he hate me? Does he blames me for alerting the adventurer? It could have been a clean attack if I hadn't intervened.
"My magic is weak, I can't do more than this. We must wait, maybe when we'll be back to the village, the shaman will be able to heal him. Stay strong Greech." She says, touching his shoulder.
What can I say? What should I say to beg forgiveness for my betrayal? Will he tell everyone that I tried to save a human?
"Here you are *cough* I was wondering where you were gone *cough* *cough*"
His eyes are clouded, I can't decipher his temper.
"Hey Greech.. they had me doing track duty, I'm sorry I couldn't come before… Listen, I'm sorry-"
"Did you see that?!" he stops me, grabbing my arm
"Did you see how I killed that fucker? Still a Newblood and I already got an adventurer! *cough* this is what we always talked about during the training! He must have been the strongest of them, did you see how quickly he turned? I thought I was catching him off guard" He has the biggest, bloodiest smile imaginable.
"Yes Greech, I'm so sorry about that"
"About What? Yes I saw that you weren't fighting. But you gave me the time to get behind him, that's good enough"
I'm so confused. He isn't angry?
"Yeah- I mean about what I yelled"
"What did you yell? You know, there was a lot going on and that idiot was screaming in human at the top of his lungs. Heh *cough*, did you say something vulgar before I killed him? Don't worry *cough* in war, it's allowed"
What, how? He didn't hear? He doesn't know? Should I tell him?
But this is his moment of triumph, why turn it into a betrayal. I can't bring myself to do it. Still, I feel guilty. Like it was my hand that struck him.
"What ears that Voss huh? *cough* so pointy. You know, she changed my bandages so I'd say we got way close hehehe!"
His laugh is stopped by the pain.
"Don't worry Greech, tomorrow we will be at the village and you'll be better in no time. Then we will see who has a chance with Voss. Now I have to go, I have night-watch duty"
I put my hand on his forehead and, not bearing his gaze anymore, turn my back and walk away. He is still talking to himself.
"Oh yeah *cough*, I wonder how much gold I will get for that kill, I can't wait! Greech is rich!"
Maybe I will be able to tell him the truth. Just let a little time pass so he wont get as angry. But why doing it at all? My guilt wants me to be honest with him but all I would gain is to lose him. He thinks he saved me. Is sincerity worth it?
While pondering, my hand goes into my pocket. I already took a liking in caressing the smooth crystal I grabbed off the adventurer.
I wonder if I should get rid of it. I've read enough fantasy that I know that mysterious crystals are always dangerous. But I've come to the realization that this is the most realistically boring version of a fantasy world so there is no way a weak adventurer has an actually powerful artifact. Besides, if it was any useful he would have used it during the fight.
No, this must be an heirloom, a trinket of some kind. And now it's all it remains of that adventurer, his body left rotting for the wolves.
Do I have to accept this? Is his life, his accomplishments, his loved ones, for naught? He did freely choose that job but is this what he deserves?
Freely? When ever we are free, truly free? Never, we always have constrictions in life. Only in death we are free. Well, not even then in my case.
And the other goblins, they also weren't free. They had no choice but to fight, no choice but to die. After the battle, I didn't even check who was still alive. I don't want to know. Until I'll know, they will all have survived in my mind.
I look at the crystal, it's not glowing anymore now. Probably it can just reflect the sun, yet I can't help but feel the light inside it died with the adventurer. I wonder what was his name. I wonder if we would have been friends. In another body, in another world. I bet you also had many people who cared for you... That Clara… Fuck, why did you take the job? Getting killed over some stupid gold? Over a phone... Stupid job.. stupid chests.
I realize my eyes are swelling with tears. Why is all of this hitting me now? I run inside the cave. The fire of my torch is the only light, and the chests seem to stare right back at me.I can't be seen like this.
I lean my back against the chests. Try to slow my breath. Why am I getting so invested in the life of this adventurer? Who cares about him, the tribe needs the gold to survive the winter. I put the crystal back in my pocket.
He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
What ya gonna do?, they said in movies. There is nothing to be done about it.
I put my hand on a chest. I try to feel the gold inside them, the king's taxes, the reason behind of all this. Well, money are the reason behind most things really.
My hand moves towards the lock. An urge, to open one, take something from it. It's the perfect moment, I'm in here alone. The goblins may be know as thieves, but would actually never steal from their own like this. Surely this is my human spirit taking over. Besides, I've always have been a little kleptomaniac in my past life and it got me in my fair slice of trouble.
But I need to take something as a reminder of this day, before they sell it all.
The lock isn't even hard, but the moment I open the chest, a scream almost escapes my lungs. I was expecting gold coins, maybe gems or ingots. Even just jewels and crowns.
The chest is… full of rocks.
...
Panic pervades me, but it's so horrendously clear, even trying to dig under the first ones. There are only rocks in the chest, not a gram of gold, or anything even remotely valuable.
How did this happen? The chests have been under watch since the attack. But why send a caravan escorting rocks?
I feel the cave, no, the world crumbling around me. All of this, all of the deaths, were for this? How is this possible? Should I give the alarm?
Wait, the orders were not to open them, I can't out myself. They will have to discover it by themselves.
Carefully, I close the chest back.
Stumbling, I walk back to my guarding post. I can't focus, I still can't believe what I just saw. I try to calm myself, everyone is still sleeping.
Maybe tomorrow the rocks will turn back into gold, maybe it's only a bad dream.
"Moon's too bright"
A voice behind me. Taking my shortsword out, I turn, facing Marrowsh.
I immediately freeze, waiting for him to attack, but he just sits at the root of a tree besides me.
"it's not dark enough, if you didn't do your job properly, with a good tracker they may follow us" His tone is calm, different to what I'm used to.
"I swear there are no tracks to follow, I made sure of it" I say, trying to sound as confident as possible.
"Let's hope so. By the way, I could have absolutely killed you just now, if this is an indication of your efficiency, I am disappointed" He adds, and I know he is absolutely serious. My sight lowers to the ground.
"I'm… sorry" I say, sounding ashamed, but with every seconds becoming more sure he didn't saw me opening the chests and feeling more relieved.
He takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry too. I know I am harsh, but in front of the warriors this is the way it has to be."
"I understand" Actually, I don't. This is all his anger an act just to keep the warriors in line?
"I know your secret, Newblood"
Again, I freeze. So he did saw me opening the chest? Or is he talking about…?
"Don't worry I will keep it to myself. Where you come from is your business. I remember when we found you, not too long ago. You never told anybody what was your tribe, but I knew then, as I know now. Your eyes, I recognize them."
"You do? How?" My mind is running. Does this mean there are other like me? From other worlds? Reincarnated here in another race?
"Yes, the eyes of who has known death intimately. A few days before we found you, there was an attack of the human lumbering company to a tribe on the east. All the goblins were killed. You came from there right? You survived."
I feel so stupid. What was I even expecting?
"I saw how you froze during the fight. it's already something that you managed to stay still and not flee. I know it's hard the first times in battle, but you get used to it. You have to, because otherwise you die." He's talking with a low, calm tone that I never heard come from him. I figure it's better to not interrupt his monologue.
"You got lucky once, but this is a number's game, and luck does not factor in the long run. You gotta put the work in, if want to come out alive."
"Don't get me wrong Newblood, I know you are not a fighter. Not everyone has what it takes to be one. But let me tell you something. I do not think that "having what it takes" is something to be proud of. Being able to kill without remorse means you are a monster. Being able to kill, and not let the remorse stop you, means to be a warrior. But the world needs those whose heart is still pure of this choice"
"But I am a terrible warrior, I couldn't help during the fight" I blurt out. I have been thinking these words all night, and I finally felt safe enough to say them out loud. I hope not to regret this.
"That's true, and tomorrow you will be removed from the warrior clan. But I wanted to tell you this in person first. Let it be clear as the moon is my witness: not being a warrior doesn't makes you any less of a goblin.
We were once hunters, and painters, and musicians, and so many other things, before the conflict with the humans. It's only thanks to the GreatChief we still have the means to survive, even if it means becoming bandits. Too many tribes have fallen these last years.
The forest knows, in the upcoming times we will need someone to keep alive anything other than the war. I fear I will never get to savor the old arts again, violence is all I became capable of, but if someone can get the chance to get away from this life, I rejoice. This is an opportunity, do not waste it"
"I understand, thank you" I repeat. I don't have the heart to tell him I know next to zothing about the goblin arts. Besides, if this is somehow the idea he made up of me, sounds almost too good to ruin it.
"You know Newblood, it was me that called Glory to the First Blade. All six warriors died because I, Marrowsh, decided to fight. And I would do it again.
It's what we have to do, to keep on living. And it's what I want to do, because I lost too many over the years, taken away by human hands, human steel.
It doesn't mean I don't keep thinking about what I could have done differently. That's why I'm here talking to you, instead of there, sleeping. I can't really sleep at all.
And that is good, is the night I will sleep soundly, that I fear"
Did Marrowsh take me for his therapist? All this almost distracted me from the main issue here. He seems like and honest Goblin, could this be the right moment to confide him about the chests?
No, I have to play it clever.
"Do you think it was worth it?"
"Huh?" Marrowsh, who was at this point talking while looking at the stars, now turns to me. He clearly didn't expect me talking back, his monologue suddenly becoming a conversation.
"The treasure, in the chests, do you think it was worth the fight?"
I try to sound as respectful as possible but this is my first time addressing an authority figure in… ages. I am truly terrified, but I manage to keep my cool, or at least I hope so.
"You really shouldn't question this. It is always worth it. It has to. Otherwise we couldn't keep going. And this is not simply metaphorical, the gold in the chests will help the tribe during the winter. The Chief knows a goblin trader from the city who will gave us anything for the gold, as he has done many times in the past. The Great Chief, sorry" he adds, looking annoyed. "As he always must be properly addressed".
"I understand, but I was wondering if I could take something of not much value. You know, it's not about the gold, it's about keeping something with me… from all of this." As I speak, I comprehend myself the reason why I decided to open the chest in the first place.
"This shouldn't be allowed, but I understand your request. Sometimes we need a physical object to ground our memories. Sometimes they become so heavy that our mind cannot hold them all, we need somewhere to store them" He says, touching a bone bracelet on his wrist.
"Alright Newblood lets do this, but not a word with anyone!"
I'm pretty sure I saw him crack a smile while getting up, and I would almost be happy of how much he seems to like me, but I am too occupied with the tragedy I'm bringing him to.
He walks towards the closest chest, and I follow him at a distance.
"I already noticed how shit these locks look" Marrowsh says, while taking a pin out of his pouch. I slowly walk closer. He starts picking the lock.
"Ha! Ridiculous!" I hear a click. "it's almost like they didn't really…" The chest opens "...care…" Marrowsh stops talking. It's time to put on the best surprised face I can.
"Whats happening?" I ask, trying to get closer and see inside the chest
"DO NOT MOVE! STAY THERE!" Marrowsh suddenly growls, not loud enough to wake anyone but plenty enough to turn my muscles into stone.
I knew it. I shouldn't have told anyone, why couldn't I just shut up and do my fucking job for once? Why do I keep trying to cling on others? If he lunges at me I have no chance of surviving.
"This is real. I can't… I don't want to believe it." He is quieter but do not seem any calmer.
Maybe he will spare me? It's pretty clear he didn't know the truth about the chests, but he looks so enraged. I don't know why I instinctively decided to trust him, I'm so fucking stupid.
He takes a big sigh and seems almost to deflate, then he turns to me. Is it happening?
"Ok, I've decided. Come here, Newblood. Be witness of the treachery"
He grabs my arm, not violently but still with urgency, and drags me in front of the chest. I don' even try to prevent it. It's not the same chest I had opened and yet, as expected, is just full of rocks. Old, plain, rocks.
"And burn this image in your mind in the case you are ever questioned, even under spells, about what happened here."
I finally understand. Marrowsh is full of rage, yes, but its not directed against me.
"I have to tell you something" he continues, his eyes searching for mine.
"I've had my suspicions for some time, and I've decided it's time I act on them.
If something happens to me in the coming days, you have the responsibility to spread word of what you saw here."
He puts his hand on my shoulder, waiting for an answer. I nod slowly.
"Dont speak of this to anyone, as long as I am still around, do you understand? I hope we can resolve this without giving more problems the tribe"
I can't hold it in anymore. I have to ask. "But what are you going to do about it? What suspicions? What does all of this mean?"
"I need time to have the answers, but I swear I will discover the meaning of this. Six warriors died for some rocks? Blood is owed and must be paid by the architect of this deceit"
He slowly closes the chest. I am dumbfounded. I guess... this is the best scenario I could ask for? I got so focused on how badly could it go that I didn't even know what I was hoping for. He said he will take care of it. At this point, since my life is in his hands anyway, I have no choice but to believe it.
"Listen to me, Newblood. Have the night off. I can't sleep anyway so I'll stand guard tonight. Go to sleep and don't forget. We will not talk of this tomorrow, with the others. But you must not forget. In a few days, when I will have the answers, I'll come to you."
"I will wait." A sort of confidence is now rising in me. We are sharing a secret. We are forming an alliance. For some reason, I almost feel happy, this is the closest I felt to someone in a long time.
He nods and without any more words, he just starts working on the lock of a close-by chest. Is he going to check all of them? It matters not, I have been dismissed.
I walk out of the cave, and go back to the camp.
I look towards Greech. His sleep is troubled by the pain.
While making my stray bed, I keep feeling strangely warm inside. I know I was making a choice. The old me, he would have been so scared of this whole situation that at the first chance out of the cave he would have just run into the forest. But I am staying here. I decided to trust Marrowsh and help him in understanding what is going on. Am I making this for myself? For the other goblins? For justice? I'm not sure but it feels good.
I am so tired, so many things happened in such a short time-frame. The last month has been a mind-breaking routine and now this all of a sudden. But finally I feel good about something I'm doing.
I lay in bed and even with the thousands questions running in my brain, I feel the sleep taking over my body. But before I slip away, my mind latches on a last thought Thinking back to Greech's words. He said he couldn't hear me because of the human screams. The adventurer was speaking human, which Greech didn't understand.
So, why did I understand it? The simple answer should be that it's because I was human too, but until now nothing of my previous life had an actual consequence here. Until now, I could actually have just been a goblin that smoked a little too much and got convinced he lived a previous life in a futuristic dystopian human world.
This is proof.
Proof it was real.