"What a bore. Why hasn't a cute and charming villain shown up to help me get some presence points?"
Feeling a bit down from the lack of clueless fools coming to cause trouble, Tsunade couldn't help but complain.
This was not how it was supposed to go—'wherever the protagonist goes, trouble follows.' Tsunade was seriously starting to worry she might not be the main character. After all, background characters A, B, C, and D usually died off far too easily.
"You've already had more than enough presence on this trip."
Orochimaru wasn't one for snarky remarks, but seeing Tsunade being so oblivious, he couldn't help but chime in.
"Eh?" Tsunade tilted her head, looking confused at Orochimaru. "How come I didn't notice?"
Before Orochimaru could respond, a snot-nosed kid trotted over, eyes filled with admiration, and gave Tsunade a deep ninety-degree bow.
"Good morning, Big Bro!"
"Good morning," Tsunade responded almost instinctively, her face already wearing a warm, friendly smile without her even realizing. In a gentle voice, she said, "I recognize you—you're the Ninth Seat of the Second Squad, right?"
The kid froze for a second, then became visibly excited. He didn't remember when he had become the Ninth Seat of the Second Squad, but if Big Bro said so, it must be true—he probably just forgot.
"The Ninth Seat of the Second Squad is willing to give his heart to Big Bro!"
Orochimaru, having seen this same scenario play out multiple times, remained calm and unfazed. Just a little bored.
This sort of thing had happened so many times along the way that despite walking for more than half the day, they still hadn't reached the location for the first part of the Chūnin Exams. Orochimaru was beginning to think Tsunade had thoroughly warped the values of Konoha's younger generation. Maybe only he and Jiraiya were still what you'd call "normal."
Also, Tsunade's outfit was drawing a lot of attention along the way.
Some ignorant folks were stunned by her beauty. Others—those who knew too much—were simply terrified.
All in all, it was a chaotic mix of reactions. The whole journey felt like a spectacle, which made the socially awkward Orochimaru deeply uncomfortable. But Tsunade had always been popular with kids, and lately, for some mysterious reason, she'd been messing around with a whole group of them—pulling pranks, causing trouble—earning her the reputation of being the Big Bro of Konoha.
"Bahamut, is this what Tsunade's been like every time she goes out lately?"
Bored from all the waiting, Orochimaru turned to the expressionless "Jiraiya" and asked.
"..."
The dog—solemn and silent.
"Bahamut?"
"..."
The dog—eyes forward, unflinching.
"Jiraiya."
"Her Majesty usually travels by rooftop and wall-jumping."
Orochimaru was sure now: this dog had gone too deep into the role. Completely immersed in Tsunade's will to play 'Jiraiya,' though his acting skills were… lacking. And he clearly hadn't studied the character well enough.
Looking at Tsunade, currently laughing it up with her little followers, Orochimaru concluded: this dog still had a long way to go as Tsunade's lackey.
A short while later, Tsunade wrapped up her chat with the kid using her signature "Ultimate Technique: Headpat Kill." Affection +10086.
Once the kid disappeared into the distance, Tsunade turned back around.
"Oh right, Orochimaru, where were we?"
"We were saying—"
"Big Bro, good morning."
Tsunade turned her head and saw Kato Dan standing nearby. With him were… bowl-cut, thick eyebrows, and that bright green spandex suit. She recognized the kid—Might Duy. A taijutsu-only ninja who wasn't good at ninjutsu or genjutsu. He'd just graduated from the academy and was around eleven or twelve, always going on about youth.
Why did Tsunade know all this? Because she remembered someone incredibly strong in the future who was a lot like Might Duy. At one point, she even considered recruiting him as a little follower. But in the end, she decided against it—Tsunade just couldn't imagine all her underlings wearing green tights. That mental image was just too much.
"Oh, it's Dan. Morning."
Tsunade had a strong dislike for the surname "Kato," but despite that, she valued Dan highly as a capable right-hand man.
"And this is?"
Dan looked at the silent Orochimaru standing beside Tsunade with a friendly smile.
"Oh right, you two haven't met."
Tsunade pointed at Orochimaru and casually introduced, "This is my friend A."
Dan couldn't help but chuckle awkwardly at the vague intro, so he stepped forward himself and said, "Hi, I'm Kato Dan, one of Big Bro's little bros. Big Bro mentions you often."
"Hello."
Orochimaru was mildly surprised—so not all of Tsunade's followers were hot-blooded idiots.
At that moment, Might Duy approached, cheeks flushed.
"I… I'm Might Duy. You're the Tsunade-hime Kato-kun mentioned, right?"
Tsunade raised an eyebrow. She didn't hear "Tsunade-hime" very often.
"That's right. Why? You thinking of joining the organization too?"
She hadn't planned on recruiting Duy, but if he volunteered himself, she wouldn't say no. After all, whether it was one sheep or a whole flock—it didn't matter to her.
"No!"
Might Duy vehemently shook his head, then, as if summoning all his courage, flashed a blinding smile and shouted, "I want you to be my woman!"
No warning. No build-up. Just like that, Tsunade received her first-ever confession.
For a moment, silence fell over the scene.
Dan stared at Duy in shock: I treated you as a friend, and you wanna steal my boss?!
Orochimaru looked at Duy, astonished: Admirable courage—but ignorance is a crime.
Might Duy stared at Tsunade with blazing determination: Marry a rich beauty, rise to the top—Youth never loses!
Tsunade was quiet for a while before finally speaking.
"The wind's a bit noisy today… I didn't quite catch that. I'll allow you to rephrase and say it again."
"Please, date me with marriage in mind—"
Before Duy could finish his sentence, Tsunade gracefully stepped forward and tapped him with a gentle, inch-perfect punch to the stomach. The final syllable of his sentence was swallowed back down his throat. Clutching his belly in pain, his legs trembled as he began to collapse forward.
But before he could fall, Tsunade caught him and cradled him in her arms, then turned to the dumbstruck Dan.
"Dan, your friend doesn't look too well. I think you should take him to rest."
Dan shivered slightly and quickly responded.
"Yes, ma'am!"
He hurried over, took Duy off her hands, and led him away.
Watching the two figures disappear into the distance, Tsunade sighed.
"Kids these days are really growing up fast."
Then she turned to Orochimaru, who had witnessed everything, and asked, "By the way, Orochimaru, where'd 'Jiraiya' go?"
"When Kato Dan showed up, he ran off with a little she-dog. Said he had some needs to take care of."
"..."
Spring hasn't even arrived yet.
(End of Chapter)
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