The chance to get away from the hospital and Baltimore generally was not one I took lightly. I was not going to let it slip away. That's what I had thought when Veronica first asked me to be her bridesmaid. I must admit that the prospect of the wedding location - the Turks and Caicos Islands - and the trip itself, a chance to get out of Baltimore for the first time in years, outshone any excitement I might have had for being a bridesmaid.
For days I had been plagued by indecision. I was sure that I wanted to go; I wanted to move, travel, see the world, meet some new people, and escape the work-a-day life. But I had to balance this against the efforts I would have to make and some of the things I would have to sacrifice to make the trip. I only had one leave per year and I had planned to use the one for this year to visit my family at Christmas. But then, I thought, it was what I did every year. Perhaps it was time I spent Christmas by myself in the city. I could always call and send a card at Christmas.
Another issue that brimmed in my mind was that even though Veronica had assured me that the trip would be all expenses paid, I knew it was inevitable that I would incur some personal expenses and nurses aren't exactly paid to go on vacation trips to some of the most luxurious places in the western hemisphere.
First of all I would have to get some clothes. The nurse's lifestyle had made me very lazy, and frankly killed my interest in clothes shopping. I had not bought a new dress in two years. I had a number of stand issue scrubs and under shirts, a few slacks for when I'm at home, and then the few dresses for the occasional date or social event – including the dresses I had worn for high school prom and graduation from nursing school.
I had nothing that sparked, nothing that would give me that luxury aura and blend me perfectly into Veronica's destination wedding. I had no popular name brand clothes - no Gucci, Louis Vuitton, no Prada, or even D&G. I was sure there would be a lot of sparkling there, I didn't want to turn up as the dork who only got invited because she did the cool girl's homework. The clothes I needed would be expensive, and I needed at least five new outfits - something for the rehearsal dinner, something for the wedding, a beach wear, and at least two other casual wears. The estimate I came up with took a significant sting out of my savings. Again, nurses weren't exactly paid to wear designers. I came up with the ironic idea that perhaps this was why we were made to wear cheap generic scrubs all day, a simple distraction from our poor compensation. I smiled at the thought.
In the end I decided I had to make the wedding even if it drained all my savings and took my leave for the next two years. I had to honor Veronica's request, she was still my best friend. And if I missed out on this chance, when would I have the chance again? I was notorious for complaining that I had a dull life filled completely by work. Now a rare opportunity presented itself to me and I was looking for excuses to let it pass by. I woke myself up. There was no other option but to go. And I made a promise to myself: during the trip I would shy away from nothing, I would follow every possibility, I would not let my decisions be guided by fear or the everyday sense of practicality.
I reminded myself of this as I sat across from the senior head nurse. She was less than pleased that I was requesting to take my leave at this time and was trying to convince me to change my mind. She was a nice, motherly woman. She reminded me often of my mother who was late. When I had first started work, she had been my system, constantly reminding me that the nursing job was not learnt in a day and that as time progressed, it would get easier for me to do. The job wasn't easy now, but I found that I could do it better.
"We have two of our young nurses on leave already. Martha will go on maternity leave soon. This is the critical care unit, we can't afford to be short-staffed. And I don't have the mind to ask any of the remaining nurses to put in extra hours," the head nurse said.
I felt guilty for putting her in such a difficult position. And even more guilty when I thought of the nurse who might have to put in extra hours to cover for me. But it could not be helped. "I'm really sorry for putting you in this position, I wish it was coming at a more convenient time. But I can't help it. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I've been friends with Veronica since we were children," I lied, "I have to be there for her on what is probably the most important day of her life." The head nurse was a reasonable woman, I knew if I made a strong case, she would oblige me.
She gave a heavy sigh. "Make sure you bring me back some of that wedding cake, it's been a while since I had one," she says finally. There is a gentle smile on her face.
"Thank you so much head nurse," I say gleefully, briefly forgetting myself. I return her smile. "I will bring you all the cake I can get," I say and make new promises about extra work I'd be happy to put in once I returned from the wedding.
Did I really need to lie about being childhood friends with Veronica? I thought as I left the head nurse's station. I had met Veronica in my first year of nursing school. Even now, I don't think I could have been friends with her if we hadn't been roommates. While I was the studious, conscientious student, Veronica was the easy going, party on the weekend type of girl. She took school very lightly, and even the prospects of nursing as a career path. While I was impressed by this, I was too concerned about the significance of everything and the consequences that every decision could spell to not be wary of Veronica and her bohemian ways.
Veronica came from a wealthy family and was very chic in school. While I had my meals in the same coffee houses or food trucks, Veronica ate at high end restaurants, often under the sponsorship of the male students who flocked to her like bees to pollen. Veronica was certainly popular among them, and even among the women.
I had thought of her as just another privileged girl and was prepared to live tolerably with her for the year when I fell ill close to the end of our semester's exams. Victory showed up massively for me. She helped me get class notes from my missed lectures, ordered my take outs and made me comfortable in my sickness.
I saw the side of Veronica underneath her external gloss that intimidated me, the side that revealed a deeply caring person. After that it was impossible for our friendship not to blossom.
I also saw that the way Veronica could care made her vulnerable to people who were out to take advantage of the good intentions of others. I took it up as a self-assumed responsibility to protect her in such cases. I came through for her in many difficult situations, helping her out in all the ways I could. In our final year we were practically inseparable; like the two halves of one single functioning system.
We would eventually become separated by our career. We continued as roommates at the start of our nursing career, working in the same hospital. But Veronica found the transition more difficult. It was harder for her to get used to the long shifts, the services a nurse had to perform for the sick, the virtual loss of all her former social glamour, or the idea that this would be the rest of her life.
Veronica quit after one year. Her wealthy family gave her more options than an average girl like me. She went off to work with her father who had never really understood why she wanted to be a nurse in the first place.
Though we retained communication on social media and kept up to date with the happenings in our lives, our friendship inevitably waned over the years. In the end it was hard to differentiate Veronica from other friends from the past who had dissolved to the status of characters in the virtual world of my phone which got less and less time due to the constraints of my job.
So I was a little surprised when Veronica extended the invitation for me to be her chief bridesmaid. I had honestly thought she had moved on to other friends. I mean, I saw the pictures she frequently uploaded on social media and in most of them she was surrounded by smiling, glittering ladies who reminded me of the kind of girls she moved about in those early days of college.
I thought of those pictures as I packed for the trip now. It underscored the point that I needed some new clothes, something to match what the ladies in the pictures wore. I browsed through Veronica's Instagram timeline for a better idea. From it, one could surmise that she lived the dream life. Every day seemed like a vacation; she visited a lot of tourist and relaxation spots. Even when she took a picture from work, it looked as though she was having a swell time.
I thought of my own work and smiled ironically. There was no need to feel too bad, everyone's life acquired gloss on Instagram; I imagined that I could be any of those ladies in the picture if I had the clothes, the friends, and the time to take the pictures and make regular posts. I smiled again from the irony.
I took note of the names Veronica tagged regularly in her pictures; Jessica, Selina. These were probably people I would be meeting soon. I browsed through their timelines as well, which were more or less a reflection of each other.
I went shopping the next day. I chose the chicest boutique I knew in town. A shop attendant followed me about as I looked through the dresses, making occasional comments on everything I looked at.
Oh, this dress looks like it was made for you, that top would go well with this jeans, and so on.
I was not too comfortable with it but I was too nice to tell her to go away.
At the end of the day, I had bought dresses totaling close to a thousand dollars; it was the most I had ever spent on clothes at one go. But I was proud of myself and what I had bought. I spent a great deal of the remaining part of my day changing through the clothes I had bought; a dinner gown for the rehearsal dinner, some casual wear, and even new underwear. Veronica would provide the bridesmaid wear.
Veronica had also sent me the ticket for the booked flight to Providenciales, the biggest city of Turks and Caicos Island.
I woke up very early on the day of the journey. The plane was scheduled to depart by nine that morning, I was up at five. I spent the morning slowly getting ready for the trip and taking care of my final packing, and making sure that everything in my apartment was in place.
I was ready to go by seven. I decided to read up on the island and downloaded some articles on the subject. I was getting started on them when I dozed off to sleep. I was lucky to wake up some minutes past eight. In a panic I gathered my things and hurried to the airport.
Lucky for me, there was a little delay at the check in point. A young man was having an argument with the officer at the counter. From the back of the line I couldn't hear what the argument was about. The young man looked very agitated. I thought he would raise his voice enough for us at the back to hear.
At first I didn't think too much about it but after the issue dragged on for a while, I started to get irritated with myself. It was past nine at this point. Didn't the young man realize that he was delaying the rest of us?
Finally an older man behind him spoke to him and he stepped aside. I got a better look at the young man's face. I decided that I didn't like handsome men with attitude. He left shortly after.
The line moved very quickly after that. By nine thirty our plane took off and I took a deep breath as I anticipated the excitement awaiting me.