If you didn't know any better, you'd probably think someone had died. My parents, Claire, and I are all seated around the kitchen table in silence, waiting for the inevitable phone call, and all of their previous optimism has gone. I guess that's what happens when you can't avoid reality anymore: When the ugly truth finally sinks in, it's impossible to keep being idealistic.
Did you really think it would be that easy? I want to ask them. Did you really think I would find a mate after spending eighteen years being the most useless person in the pack?
But I don't say anything, partly because I don't want to upset them further, and partly because I know it won't do any good. Instead, I'm left to wait in tense anticipation of what we all know is coming.
Claire is the first one to break the silence, her fingers drumming impatiently on the table. "He'll find something else for you, Nyx. It's not the end of the world."
"Like what?" I reply, and her silence is all the answer I need. "I can't fight for shit, I'm no healer and I can't shift. What exactly do you think he is going to suggest when he calls?"
No one answers, but my mom's eyes fill with tears as she looks to my dad. Something unspoken crossing their expression.
After what feels like an eternity, at last the kitchen phone rings, but I can't bear to answer it. I'm paralyzed with fear, and so is everyone else by the looks of it. Mom is the one who finally gets up and grabs the receiver, its shrill ringtone echoing somberly in the kitchen. "Hello?" she says, nervously wrapping the cord around her wrist. "Sebastian, yes," she says, and my heart immediately sinks. "Yes, she's here," she continues, her eyes darting quickly over to me. There's a long moment of silence as the alpha says something on the other end, and my mother grimaces. "Yes, of course," she replies. "I'll let her know. She'll be there shortly." She hangs up without another word and turns to face us, wringing her hands. "It's Sebastian," she says, as if we hadn't already figured it out. "He says he wants to speak to Nyx at his cottage. Immediately."
Panic washes over me, my vision swimming. I'm unsteady on my feet as I stand up from the table, and Dad takes notice. "He didn't say what it was about," he points out. "It could be nothing."
"Maybe he's arranged another job for you," Mom says hopefully. "He doesn't usually do this."
"Yeah," I agree dryly, "and I'd say that's a pretty bad sign."
Claire glances at me, conflicted. "Do you want me to come with you?" she asks. "Maybe I can put in a good word for you."
I shake my head. "Thanks, Claire, but no. The last thing I need is for someone to fight my battles for me." Especially not the golden child of the whole pack. If I'm leaving, I'm not taking anyone else with me. They have their wolves, and they belong here. I never have. I belong nowhere. I take a shaky breath. "He wants to see me alone, so I'll go alone."
"Hey," Mom says, taking my wrist as I turn to leave, "you're going to be fine."
"Maybe," I reply bitterly, "but probably not."
None of them bother to correct me as I leave the kitchen.
The alpha's cottage is at the northernmost end of the village, and the roads are deserted by the time I leave the house. Everyone else must be at home celebrating, making it official with their mates, long nights of disappointing sex for the girls, I Imagine, and everyone excitedly preparing for the next phase of their lives as shifters. Truthfully, a part of me is glad I wasn't chosen to be someone's mate. There are no males in this pack I'm attracted to and a life as someone's mate who I don't love would be… endless in a bad way. But life without a pack, without a wolf, isn't something I want to sign up for either. Humans are cruel, live much shorter lives than we do,and I'd be alone for a long time. I wouldn't be able to see my family and that thought stings the most. I guess I should consider myself lucky that nobody is outside to give me shit, especially Peter and Marie, but even that just makes me feel more isolated. It's as if the neighborhood itself has rejected me.
My nerves are getting the better of me by the time I arrive outside the small, picturesque cottage housing the most powerful wolf in the pack. Whatever happens now is out of my hands, and I can't help but feel like I've been swept away by a storm. It's all I can do to walk slowly up to the ivy-covered door, raise an unsteady hand, and knock.
A long time passes with no response, and for a moment, I dare to hope that maybe he's not around, that he's changed his mind. I'm on the verge of turning around and leaving when the door opens to reveal Sebastian standing on the threshold. The alpha fills the space, the light from within surrounding his outline, and for a second, fear laces into my chest.
"Hello, Nyx," he says, his voice infuriatingly stoic and his nose twitching as he scents my fear. "No need to fear me, I won't hurt you. Come on in."
I swallow hard and follow him inside, and even though my nerves are getting the better of me, I can't help but admire the old-fashioned decor and stone fireplace in the center of the living room. There's a fire roaring there already to keep out the February cold, and Sebastian stokes it idly as I take a seat on the couch, my heart pounding in my chest. He seems to be stalling, putting off an uncomfortable conversation, and I want to scream at him to just get it over with already.
At last, the alpha sits down in the chair across from me, his gray eyes stony. "I assume you know why I asked you to come here, Nyx."
I swallow hard, my mouth dry, and reply, "I think I can take a wild guess."
Sebastian's brow furrows. "Now isn't the time for sarcasm, Nyx."
I sigh, leaning back in my chair and crossing my arms. "You brought me here because no one picked me at the ceremony today. Sir." I know I won't get anywhere by copping an attitude, but I can't help it. I'm angry at Sebastian, I'm angry at the pack, but most of all, I'm angry at myself for not being enough.
"That's part of it, yes," Sebastian acknowledges, pinching the bridge of his nose, "but not all of it. Not everyone is required to find a mate, as evidenced by what happened with Sam today." He sighs. "Part of me wishes he did participate, and that he'd picked you. It would be saving me a lot of grief right now." There's a pause. "But he's chosen his path," Sebastian continues, "and as pack leader, I'm required by the traditions to grant him his request. Just like I'm req
uired to have this conversation with you today."