Zeke was cold, damp, and regretting every decision that had led him to a sewer beneath the city.
"I smell like old batteries and regret," he muttered.
"Focus," Tess hissed. "Someone's coming."
Sure enough, up ahead, torchlight flickered—actual torches, not LED beams. The glow revealed robed figures, chanting in binary. One of them held what looked like a laptop from the 2030s, duct-taped to a car battery.
"…are they worshiping a router?" Zeke whispered.
Nyx hummed in his head.
"Detecting high concentrations of misguided techno-religious energy. This appears to be the Cult of the Sacred Upload."
"The what now?"
"An obscure digital sect. They believe the Neon Ghost is a divine entity destined to bring about the Great Reboot."
Tess blinked. "Wait, you're the Neon Ghost."
Zeke's mouth opened. Closed. Opened again.
"Oh no."
...
The robed figures noticed him.
One pointed. "Brothers! Sisters! Look! His aura… it glows with unstable code!"
Another gasped. "The prophecy!"
They dropped to their knees.
"All hail the Ghost in the Code!"
Zeke slowly turned to Tess.
"Do I… say something?"
"You're the Messiah now. Wing it."
...
He stepped forward, clearing his throat.
"Uh. My loyal… netizens? I bring unto you… a patch update? Version… 13.37?"
The cult gasped in awe.
A robed figure—clearly the high priest, given his gold-plated keyboard staff—stepped forward.
"Oh Glitched One, tell us: shall we finally ascend to the Cloud Eternal?"
Zeke blinked. "Sure. Yep. Cloud Eternal. Lots of storage. Infinite memes."
The crowd cheered.
...
Tess leaned in. "You do know we could use this, right? Let them help us. Hide us. At least until the bounty heat dies down."
Zeke scratched his head. "But what if they want a miracle? Or a sermon? Or…"
The high priest cut in.
"Divine One! We have a sacred relic only you can unlock."
He presented an old, dust-covered USB stick shaped like a crucifix.
Zeke took it, squinting.
"…This is just a Windows XP boot drive."
The crowd murmured.
He coughed. "Behold! The Holy Driver of Deliverance! It shall cleanse your corrupted souls!"
The cult erupted in praise.
Tess shook her head. "You're going to hell."
"Joke's on you," Zeke whispered. "We're already there."