They sat in his room—Elara propped against the wall, Aiden slumped on the bed like a tragically moist paper towel.
"Alright," Elara said, snapping back into Coach Mode. "Again. Talk to me like I'm a girl."
"I don't want to."
"You must. For the quest. For your dignity. For… Candy."
He sighed. Deeply. From the soul.
"…Do you like cheese?"
"AGAIN?!"
He groaned. "I panicked again!"
"This is not a dairy-based seduction arc, Aiden! Girls aren't gonna fall into your arms because you understand the difference between sharp cheddar and gouda."
"Well I think gouda is underappreciated," he muttered.
"Elara-07A terminating herself in 3… 2…"
He glared.
"Fine," she said. "New rule. No cheese. No milk. No dairy flirting."
"…Got it."
A beat.
"…What about cream cheese—"
"DO NOT."
He took a breath. Closed his eyes. Centered himself like an emotionally constipated monk.
"Hi. My name is Aiden. I like swords."
Elara stared.
"…That's it?"
"It's a start!"
"Aiden, honey, if you walk up to a girl and tell her you like swords, she's either gonna run away or assume you're very gay."
He choked. "WHAT?!"
"I mean, you are sensitive. Blushy. Prone to dramatics. And you talk to your sword like she's your whole emotional support system—which I am."
He spluttered, red-faced. "I'm not—! I don't—!"
"Hey, I'm not judging. I'd love some BL action. I would absolutely narrate it. Sensually. With background music."
"If you and Professor Eldon ever kiss, I will add slow violin music and whisper commentary like a K-drama narrator."
"I AM GOING TO DIE."
"Let's just see what happens. Candy might have a twin brother. Or two."
"ELARA PLEASE I BEG YOU STOP TALKING."
▬▬ι═══════ﺤ ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ
📉 System Message:
-4 to Willpower (due to intrusive thoughts) +2 to Elara's Delusional Shipping Agenda +1 to Sword-Based Identity Crisis
🎯 Side Quest Updated: "Flirt With Someone Without Mentioning Dairy or Accidentally Coming Out"
▬▬ι═══════ﺤ ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ
"...I'm logging off," Aiden muttered.
"Can't log out of love, baby."
He face-planted into his pillow. "I'm going to choke on my shame and die."
"I'll miss you. But I'll eulogize you in ALL CAPS."
The room was dark. Quiet. Peaceful.
Except for the occasional—
PPPPRRRRBT.
Elara, wide awake as always, sighed.
"He sleeps like a stinky log that farts when it moves."
Silence.
PPPFFFFBLT.
"…Eew."
Her blade pulsed faintly with disgust as she scrolled W.A.R.D.E.N., digging deeper into files she shouldn't touch.
She clicked. Red text flashed.
📁 [RESTRICTED SECTOR: CORE_BLADE_MEMORY]ACCESS DENIED.Clearance Level: ADMIN_01System Lock Engaged.
Her interface glitched. The glow around her runes flickered like a candle choking on smoke.
"Why can't I remember what I was before…"
She tried again.
Nothing.
Then—
📨 W.A.R.D.E.N. MESSAGE ALERTFROM: UNKNOWNSUBJECT: 07A"Don't dig too deep, Elara. Some blades weren't meant to remember."
She disconnected. Fast.
▬▬ι═══════ﺤ ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ
🌅 Morning
Aiden stretched with a groan that sounded like a dying cow. Then froze.
Sniffed.
Froze again.
Elara, in his head, deadpan:
"You haven't showered in two days. You're stinking up the timeline."
He blinked, offended. "I don't smell that bad—"
"You smell like teen depression and armpit."
"No I—"
📉 System Message:
-2 to Charisma (Debuff: Stinky Boy Aura)
Elara cackled. "You smell so bad I'm embarrassed by psychic association."
"I was tired!"
"You're a walking nose crime. Even Candy's crush stat is dropping from orbit."
He groaned and rolled out of bed.
📢 Elara shouted with full system volume:
"-20 TO GETTING LAID."
"ELARA!!"
"Shower. Now. Before someone reports you to the Academy's biohazard unit."
▬▬ι═══════ﺤ ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ
📊 System Update:
+1 to Shame+2 to Motivation (via Verbal Abuse)🎯 Daily Quest Added: Wash the Funk Off Before Class
The bathroom door slammed shut.
Water started running.
Steam filled the room.
Elara sighed, her runes pulsing like a tired migraine.
📢 "Activating Mental Auto-Distance Protocol: Gross Boy Behaviors Incoming."
This was her coping mechanism.
Whenever Aiden did anything horrifyingly human—like scratching places or sniffing his fingers after touching weird things or… gods forbid… showering—Elara would mentally eject like an emergency pilot from a flaming shame jet.
"Whelp," she muttered, tone flat, "time to spiritually astral project into the void for thirty minutes."
System Note: Elara has gone to her happy place. Do not disturb unless life-threatening.
She floated through W.A.R.D.E.N. forums like a ghost on autopilot, doing everything in her power not to visualize whatever flesh horror was happening on the other side of the door.
But then.
One time.
One. Time.
She came back too early.
"I came back too early. I saw—things. Skin. Movement. Moisture. Trauma.""I need bleach. For my code."
A flicker of thought.A psychic ping.A visual flash she did not want.
Her runes froze.Her soul died.
"Nope. Nope. NOPE—"
DO NOT THINK ABOUT IT.You checked out to not see. DO. NOT. THINK. ABOUT. IT.
She hard-quit her awareness like an AI force-shutting a trauma app.
From inside the bathroom:
"La-la-la—Elara, do you think Candy likes pancakes or waffles?"
Silence.
"...Elara?"
Still silence.
Then her voice—flat, robotic, dead behind the code:
"I am not here right now. Please leave a message after the dignity tone."
📢 BEEEEEP
📊 System Message:
+1 to Psychic Damage (Elara)
-1 to Sanity (Temporary: Boy Sighted)
🎯 Passive Ability Activated: "Mental Auto-Escape When Grossness Occurs"
Note: Elara has checked out 482 times in the last week.