It's 9:30 PM. I went to a store to buy my favorite strawberry milk and coffee because they ran out and some cakes..
I'm Kirian, an 18 yo teenager. I'm still in middle school and it seems that this is my last year of academic study.
I'm an orphan and I live with my maternal grandparents in a country nammed "Kapri" in the city of "Newgusu". Kapri is an economically and militarily developed country. It has several leading cities and states and is considered among the best in the world. However, despite its large area and high status and strength, it is known to be a country where corruption, exploitation, cruelty and intellectual distortion prevail in smaller and weaker countries, such as the country of Basania.
I'm a kaprian of Basan origins. My mother passed away 3 months after I was born. My grandfather said that she died due to complications that occurred after my birth. However, I found a page from her diary folded in one of her clothes in a box my grandfather had hidden her things in, which she says in it that she's sorry that she's a weak woman who chose to leave and not take care of me properly until I grow up because of her inability to meet me and accept me and her disappointment that I'm not the son of her Basan husband. As for my biological father, he is a kapranian soldier. My grandfather told me that he died after raping my mother in front of the body of her Basani husband. This happened during a war that Kapri fought against both my mother country Basan and its neighbor Qori under false and trivial pretexts and left behind chaos and pain.
Anyway, I'm not loved and I'm not accepted at all, whether by my family or anyone else around me, except for my grandfather, who's my mother's father. Everyone who's still alive from my family hates me because I carry blood that is foreign to them and hostile to them. I'll not deny the reason for their intense hatred for the Kapranian blood that I carry, nor even their rejection of me and their encouragement of my mother to abort me before I was born. But my mother kept refusing again and again because of her extreme kindness and love for her Basani husband, and because she thought that I might be from her Basani husband, not the fucking Kaprian soldier. Even after I was born, everyone kept blaming her for not aborting me, and she was cursed and rejected until she hated herself and decided to put an end that everyone wanted except me. What a shame...
Thinking like this makes me feel two conflicting things, worthlessness and extreme self-love. I love myself because my mother endured everyone's cruelty just to give birth to me, and I hate myself because I was programmed since I was young that I'm a margin that was drawn by mistake, and what makes me feel most nauseous is that no one was expecting me as I am. Even the woman who gave birth to me and defended me was expecting me to be the son of her Basani husband and didn't accept me. My self-hatred cannot be explained by loving death and hating life, but I'm more accepting of the issue of my death. This is scary, isn't it?..
I took what I wanted from the shelves then I stood in line, and looked at the cashier as he ran the purchases of the person in front of me through an automated calculator. The cashier James looks very tired, you can notice the slight puffiness under his eyes and the slight trembling of his fingers and the slowness of his movements. Ever since I knew him, he has been working in this store and wearing the same green hat. Is he hiding his baldness or is he just the gloomy type who shows his clumsy feelings with his clothes? With baggy jeans and an old worn yellow shirt? Man, this James looks really miserable. He smells of boredom and a dark aura of severe emotional stagnation. Even though I'm a failure, I disgust him very much..
"Your total is $50" the cashier James said, while I'm staring absentmindedly at him without responding.
"Hey, kid... what are you staring at?" James said with a hint of annoyance.
I blinked a few times in surprise, then said "Oh, sorry... I was just thinking."
"Think in somewhere else... there's a line waiting behind you kid" James replied, his tone even more annoyed.
I looked behind me and found only two people standing behind me, a man wearing a mask and a teenager I guess that she's at my age. I turned to James and said in a regretful tone "Sorry... how much is my total purchase?"
James sighed and said "Your total is $50."
"Huh? $50?!" I said, shocked.
I paid the cashier and walked out of that damn market. I yawned, stretched my arms over my head and walked back home through the night streets of Newgusu under the moonlight and electric poles as people passed by, sharing their energy and spreading their smiles. It seemes that James had gathered everyone's sadness for himself. What a dishonest and selfish sacrifice from you James. But the kapranian must pay the price.
I don't understand why all this hatred, but knowing that you were ostracized since you were young because of your contaminated blood is so disgusting. You'll hate your life, hate yourself, and end up hating everyone who carries the same contaminated race as you. It's not a desire for revenge or any silly teenage rebellious desire. It's what the little child inside me wants, chaos and hell for Kapri.
I continued on my way home when a strange hand grabbed my arm and dragged me into a dark alley. The face of the person pulling me couldn't be seen because of the darkness of the alley, so I tried to resist, but the person pulling me pushed me against the wall until his face finally appeared....