"Yes. That reminds me, how did it go with Rita yesterday? I noticed Bryan didn't come back with you."
"It went as well as it could." Audrey said and briefly recounted what she had done.
"It was amazing," Nora said. "I have heard Bryan trying to reach her himself, with memories of their life together, but the way she flinched when you used that name, and what you managed to tell her, was exactly what she needed."
"It wasn't that amazing. Anyone could have done it. I have used the time to think about what to say to her, if I had the chance."
"Not everyone could have done that," Leann said. "You knew her best, out of all of us. But I'm glad to hear that she's doing better. Let's hope she can recover from this."
"I hope for that for all of us," Audrey said. "Rita may be the most visible, but we've all suffered trauma from this. I hope the FBI follows through on getting us therapy soon."
"Yes, from our session yesterday, it sounds like we've all done things we regret. You seemed especially sad to talk about the man caught stealing. Why him in particular? I felt he was among the ones who actually did something wrong, unlike the rest of us."
"He only tried to take the small iron S-ring," Audrey said. "But the reason I feel bad about him is that I was the one who snitched on him. I had just come out of a night in the stretch-neck with Rita and was already rather annoyed as I saw the visitors leave. Then I saw that man rummage through the bag and put something in his pocket. No one else saw it. If I hadn't alerted the nearest theow, he would probably have been fine. They didn't check the pockets until I pointed it out. He was held back and died because I snitched."
"And if he had been less stubborn, he wouldn't have needed to die."
"That sounds exactly like what I told myself, to try to justify my actions. And what Ædven and the woman said. But it doesn't change the fact that he wouldn't have been held back if it wasn't for me. I was rewarded for it too. What I said to Rita that first night, which I suspected that they listened to, and the fact that I notified them about the theft, meant that I got out of the shackles a lot earlier than most. The Lady praised me for adapting so quickly. And I was truly grateful for her praise." Audrey tried to keep back the tears, but she couldn't stop them. "It's easy to blame my amnesia for everything I did, or didn't do, but that came later. I had already started to buy into their lies. Who knows what I would have done, even without the amnesia."
"You can't continue to let those kinds of things keep you down Audrey." Leann said. "I know it's hard, and I agree that I hope it gets better with therapy, but we also cannot let our actions when placed in such situations define the rest of our lives. And if you truly believe that you wouldn't want to go back. I suspect that those who feel the most guilty about what they have done, will want to stay as far away as possible. Or did you not mean what you said yesterday, and only want to go back there to punish yourself further?"
"I did mean it. I do. I meant every word. But I also feel bad for the ones that I didn't help, and the thief most of all."
"That is understandable. We all have things we regret in life."
The nonchalant way she said that made Audrey suspect Leann wasn't as okay with this as she pretended to be.
"I know it's been a while, but do you remember anything about your own family? You don't have to answer if you don't want to…" Audrey almost regretted saying anything when she saw how sad Leann looked after that question.
"I don't mind. You might even be able to relate. I was only about 20 years old when I was caught here, but in the 70's, that still meant that I was married. Or, I had been. I married my high school sweetheart, and I was 8 months pregnant when we were in a terrible accident. We were technically supposed to wear seatbelts, but he had always scoffed at such things, and I felt that it was uncomfortable with my belly. As a result, when the car behind us didn't break, we flew right into the windshield. My husband died on impact, but I was hastened to the hospital. After a month in a coma, I woke up all alone. My child had died from the trauma and my family had already buried them without me. When I tried to go home, my parents scoffed at me, blaming me for not wearing a seatbelt and killing their grandchild. So, I ended up with nothing, just when I thought my life was perfect. I was lucky to get a job as a librarian, despite not having more than a high school diploma. My family had settled the medical bills, so at least I wasn't in debt. History always fascinated me, so I read every book in the library I could find. When I then heard of the historical reenactment group, I couldn't resist. It wasn't as expensive then as it became later. The rest you already know."
"And you weren't in contact with anyone from your family?"
"No. And even if I were, they are probably all dead by now. I was the youngest of four children and the only girl. My parents were always very traditional and when my brothers went to the army, I was sent to a homemaking school, where I learned how to make a lot of things, and mend clothes etc. I never imagined needing it to survive as a slave though."
"I am the same, in many ways. I grew up on a farm, with my whole family, and my father insisted on teaching both of his children how to do things the manual way. "The cows will still need milking if the milking machine is broken" I remember him saying. All of that came in handy when I ended up in a place without electricity at all."
"What happened to your family?"
Audrey's eyes darkened, though she should have expected the question. Leann had told her story; Audrey should probably do the same. Maybe Leann would understand it better when she knew.
Leann was indeed appropriately horrified when Audrey talked about her family dying in an accident much like what she had been involved in. And joined her in bashing the community for showing more sympathy to the drunk than to her.
"Just because you hadn't lived there for some time doesn't make the hurt any less! No wonder you wanted to get out of there!"
"I am so glad that I had Nora, and we were able to move away together. History was my escape too. So, when I saw the ads for the historical reenactments, I used up the last of the payout from the sale and the life insurance to get a ticket. It was probably not a good financial decision, since my house was almost fully mortgaged, but I wanted to do something for me for once and not always be the responsible boring person."
"Our stories sound similar in some ways," Leann said. "Though you are young enough to be my daughter I think. How old are you, anyway?"
"I don't know. I've lost count."
"You're 33. Same as me," Nora piped in. Audrey had almost forgotten that she was still there.
"I'm past thirty already? Now I feel old," Audrey tried to laugh it off, but it was yet another reminder of all that they had lost.
"You talk of feeling old? I was 22 when I was sucked into this world, now I come out as a widow past 50! Any chance I had at making a new family is definitely gone." Leann's voice faltered towards the end of that sentence. Audrey did something she hadn't done until then. She gave Leann a hug. A long hug. Leann seemed startled at first, then hugged her back with the same vigor.