Arthur thoughts
Y-Arthur
Third person pov
It was it.
Arthur starred into the nothingness of the deeper parts of the cave,trying to register and weigh the words of his younger self.
One sole reason.
It is what would only keep him up at the lowest and have no significant effect at his highests.
What could that be?
He wondered deeply,he was half expecting to hear his younger self breach the mind gate,the name he gave to the wall separating his and his younger's sides of the mind,to call him out on his silence.
Yet,he remaind silent while Arthur pondered.
In the end,he decided to finally listen clearly to what the reason his younger self had gotten.
Arthur:"I get it.... Well I don't, I get that I need you to continue."
Yeah,of course you do.
He breathed in a long breath,confusing Arthur as he didn't need to breath nor can he breath.
Now, tell me.
His younger self suddenly spoke.
Arthur:"....Tell you what?"
Tell me,why do you think....you are unable to have a reason to simply exist.
That was a question that Arthur himself didn't ask,so after hearing his younger self ask it to him instead,he began to ponder.
But the younger version of him didn't give him any time to give an answer,as if he had already knew that Arthur wouldn't able to reach the conclusion he had reached.
Let me tell you then....
A sudden weight poured onto Arthur's heart, making his eyes widen and his heart to beat faster.
There was something about the oncoming words that his body and mind had already realised that which he still couldn't fathom.
Pathetic.
That singular word un-warningly drove into him as a slight burst of anger was about to ignite in his eyes.
Arthur:"what the hell do—"
You.
He cut Arthur off.
You are pathetic,that's why.
You are pathetic,so much so that you lost all the reasons for living that you had gained in your life along the years.
You are weak,weak in strength,being unable to hold your ground against all those foes and lost your family,being forgotten.
You are weak,weak in the soul,feeble in will and wit,you were incapable of holding on and not giving up,losing your sanity.
The down pour of words,no,arrows of ridicule,perhaps scorn and maybe scalding outrage,dug and burned into Arthur.
His heart beat was pounding against his chest.
He felt as though he was laid bare,yet all the shame and anger he felt was on himself,blaming the voice he heard was not an option as he was him.
In the end....
That is why Arthur Severa, it is because you are so weak and pathetic,that you lost and can't re-find,reason.
It was Arthur who was too weak,too weak to exist and too weak to find himself anything.
Arthur grabbed his head and gripped tightly,as if attempting to crush his own skull.
The frail balance of sanity acquired from a form of insanity, that Arthur had mustered was seemingly crumbling.
About to collapse in on him,ready to devour his mind and take away his sentience.
But yet.....
In that moment,his younger self continued.
Yes..... You are weak Arthur.
Arthur felt a smile creep up his face,in-voluntary in nature.
The smile was contrasting against his facial visage,whilst everything else seemed to be a resemblance of despair and self-pity the smile remained warm and hopeful.
So you can't do anything about it Arthur.
Those words dug deeper than anything else his younger self had spoken.
He never called me by my name...
It was as though he was being gentle with words,how a doctor tells a patient about their inevitable demise.
And the words his younger self spoke only fortified that thought and image.
He fell further and further deeper into the well of emptiness, his eyes losing shine as time went on.
Yet the warm smile persisted,and even grew wider.
That's why Arthur....
He wanted to deny and shove away those oncoming words that were ready to tell him.... Tell him to give up again,after gaining a faint hint of hope, only to fall once more,he felt betrayal,more than that he felt self-hate,for being the one to torture himself.
.....You just have to wait.
But the words spoken were not what he had imagined.
W-what?
The dimming light of his eyes suddenly stopped and grew once more.
Arthur:"wait....?"
Yeah, wait.
Suddenly,what his younger self spoke made some sense,it is a common notion and philosophy that time would heal most wounds.
he couldn't say for certain if the wound was something that time could truly ever heal though.
But despite so,it was something that was uncertain yet his only hope.
Therefore he was willing to try and wait.....
It would be difficult to hold onto to such a feeble and uncertain reason of course,after all,he was weak....Pathetic even.
Arthur:"So,You....want me to wait for....someone? To save me?"
No
He reeled back in confusion and shock,he had truly accepted that to be the only conclusion.
Arthur:"No!? What do you mean no!?"
Now he was confused,It made sense to wait for some one to give him a reason,though an uncertain one, it was enough for him to at least try.
Yet his younger self was saying other wise.
'Time heals most wounds'
His younger self suddenly quoted.
It's something you always hear right? That is exactly something that you thought when I told you to wait yes?
Still unable to comprehend his words Arthur agreed.
Arthur:"....yes"
But, no... Most people do Indeed realise that time is a tool that heals wounds,yet they don't realise how.
They say 'wait for time to heal those wounds'.
But they don't realise that the 'Waiting' part itself is the tool, but just simply waiting won't do anything.
You need to wait....for something,Because time is not what you are supposed to wait for.
Something....? Not someone?
But..... That's also wrong.
Now Arthur felt like his younger self was messing with him, it ticked him off as what they were talking about was a serious topic.
Arthur:"what are you even going on about?"
Despite Arthur's furious words,The younger voice continued,disregarding him entirely.
You are not supposed to wait for something nor some one.
Not a friend,family,a person or a thing.
Not even time or fate.
The next words were spoken in an odd voice,it felt both deeper and high-pitched,like that of a child's mixed with an adult's.
You... Need to wait for you.
His heart suddenly swelled,metaphorically.
he felt as though he was at the precipice of a discovery,an epiphany,something that he needed badly, desperately.
Yet he still couldn't comprehend it, but despite so,tears welled up in his eyes as an honest smile broke free.
A sort of hyper ventilation started happening,though it could be harmful and it did cause him pain,he didn't care.
He was clinging and reaching towards an answer,his mind narrowed down to the next bundle of sentences with vigour.
The tone in which his younger self spoke became much more gentler,more child like,the innocence of that voice seemingly strengthened his words,making it more hopeful,more trust worthy,something that filled and brightened everything.
A contrast so vile with his previous way of speaking yet so awe-inspiring,it felt as though one was being tricked When having the context, yet....
This side of his younger self was as true as the other.
You are....weak Arthur.
Arthur could feel his smile fade as it rose on the imaginary face of his younger self.
That smile had always been his younger self's not his.
....But the Arthur of tommarow may not be so weak.
Shortly enough,arthur was crying once more, the wound opened again yet the pain was un-recognizable.
So wait, wait for You to become strong enough to save you,to give you a reason.
A reason,it was.... An awful reason, so bright and shining,Yet something that burdened him with everything in a way.
But it was the best reason one could get when at their lowest.
Something that urged him to become strong something that acted as two reasons but was the same and singular.
Becoming stronger,smarter...just better,more and more as he waited for becoming the 'strong' and 'powerful' Arthur that he waited for.
It was truly.... The best reason anyone,at their lowest and highest could ask for.
How's that for a reason huh?
The cocky and arrogant attitude of his younger self came back once more,something he now truly found endearing.
The reason,Waiting for you to become strong enough to bring about yourself a reason. A reason for A reason.
He imagined his younger self having a sh*t eating grin plastered on his face,proud of himself at all that he had said.
Quite beautiful isn't it? I Out did yourself as always,hah!
He cackled like an old man making a complete 180 degree angle from his previous attitude.