Author's note: Generally, I think romance in works is a waste of time.
There are exceptions. But so many stories with really cool systems are fucking ruined by those shitty guy falls in love with cute girl stories.
Just jerk off to porn if you want that.
My work has no plot armor, overemotional bullshit, or anything like that. The world is consistent. Zero ass pulls.
For posterity—if this ever gets turned into a movie, I won't have any politically correct bullshit casting. The female characters are supposed to be stunners. I hate TV shows or movies where not only do they not look anything like they do in the original, they are also ugly AF. For example, Cassandra is supposed to be sexy and with curves, so if you get an actress who is short and flat as a board, then you've fucking ruined it, haven't you? Do NOT pull a Witcher Netflix adaptation on Digital Infinity.
I've observed a trend where Hollywood actresses seem to think that thinner is better. If you see a fat guy next to a fit but buff guy, the buff guy weighs more. This is conversely why women need to be careful. Breasts are fat mass. If you get slim without eating properly, you'll get gains, but lose curves.
Melanie was never a skin-and-bones girl, although she could always stand to eat a bit more.
Back when we were lab techs—yes, I said were, stalkers don't read into this and try to reconstruct my employment timeline—I was getting concerned when we met for lunch to talk novels.
Melanie, every day, without fail, would bring a salad to lunch. For the reasons listed above, I have never understood anorexia. Anorexia is literally the least attractive thing a girl can do to her body Newsflash, girls, guys aren't trying to date Holocaust victims.
"Did you read the next chapter?" I asked.
"Yes," she said. "It was interesting."
"Interesting how?" I asked.
"Well, I'm no writer," she said, "but reading it kind of made me realize that I would post my diary online sooner than my fiction."
I didn't understand that, but I nodded so she wouldn't stop talking to me. For some reason, even though her analysis tended to be off the mark, I enjoyed listening to her voice as she spoke.
I looked at where she was in the story:
"Max Powers," said the king of Kryllis, "we bestow upon you the title of Strongest Warrior." The king smiled. "It would be a shame for your bloodline to die with you. Would you be interested in marriage? I could introduce you to many noble dames."
Max quickly checked with his fairy companion, a cute girl named Plethora (Plethy-chan for short.)
"What is the average age of a Strongest Warrior?" he asked.
"Sixty," Plethy-chan giggled.
"And how old am I?"
"Sixteen," Plethy-chan giggled.
"F*ck my pale ass up the river! Now I'll have another target on my back."
Plethy-chan swirled around his head. "Don't worry, Max," she giggled. "I've got your back!"
Max shook his head. Even if you keep talking, women stop listening and start giggling.
"Did you get to the Hidden Stone arc?" I asked.
"Here?" Melanie said. She scrolled down:
Max often called Plethy-chan Plethdows XP as a reference to her operating-system-level usefulness.
"Don't you mean Plethdows Sex-P?" Plethy-chan giggled.
"Enough, Plethdows XP," Max said. "Once we find the Hidden Stone, we can free you from the curse that left you in the body of a pixie."
Max opened Plethdows XP's File Explorer to look at his equipment.
"Don't you mean Plethdows's File Sexplorer?" Plethy-chan giggled.
Max saw his paltry inventory and facepalmed.
"F*ck me up the down escalator," he swore. "I have my robes from the Grenthfell Academy and not much else."
Max cast Lumillious Maximus, his self-named version of Lumillious that created floating orbs of light that followed them. They entered the cave, noting its unnaturally smooth walls.
"We're almost there, Plethdows XP," Max said. "Is there anything in Plethpedia about this cave? Or on PlethSoft Interworld Explorer?"
"Don't you mean…" Plethy-chan started.
A digital tear rolled down her cheek.
"Don't you mean PlethSoft Interworld Sexplorer?"
Plethdows XP was suddenly quiet.
"Plethdows XP?" Max asked.
"What if Plethdows XP," Plethdows XP started…
(AN: Plethdows XP sometimes refers to herself in the third-person.)
"What if Plethdows XP doesn't want to lose her pixie form and stop being useful to Max Powers?"
"Plethdows XP!" Max cried, but Plethdows XP was already flying away crying.
I looked at Melanie for a reaction. That part where Plethora starts crying is some intense shit.
Max found Plethdows XP in the deepest corner of the Hidden Stone Cave. She was sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest. Where her panties should have been was her command-line interface, which was currently running a batch file to defragment her PlethDrive.
"Plethdows?" Max asked cautiously.
"Plethdows XP wonders sometimes," Plethdows said, "why Max wants to get Plethdows out of her pixie form so badly."
"To help you," he said. "Remember what happened when we encountered the Warg Mages?"
The Warg Mages had used a Magenta-tier spell to expose Max's Soul Vortex—it had been nothing but a pure void of darkness, but the only light in it was Plethdows XP.
"They showed me that, even though I'm fucked up from my trauma—you know about my trauma, don't you?"
Plethdows XP nodded. "Plethdows knows how Max Powers was called a 'f*ggot' on his planet called Earth."
"That's why I'm trying to save you and protect you!"
"And you won't… leave Plethdows XP?"
"I wouldn't ever do that," Max swore.
"Okay," Plethdows giggled. "I'm sorry for speaking to you like that."
"I accept your apology," Max said. "Here, it's the Hidden Stone."
Suddenly, the cave shook. A beast was emerging!
(AN: From here on, asterisks mean the beast is speaking. Max cannot understand Beast.)
*Who enters my domain!* bellowed the beast, whose name was Rothlor.
(AN: From here on, two asterisks mean the beast is thinking.)
**Rothlor must defend Rothlor's domain.**
(AN: From here on, three asterisks mean the beast is speaking, but in a subset of the language that is recorded in Plethpedia.)
***Hidden Stone must be protected.***
"Max," Plethdows XP said. "Plethdows XP just realized that the Beast is protecting the Hidden Stone!"
(AN: From here on, four asterisks mean the beast is thinking, but in ways that are reflected in his actions and therefore known to the characters.)
****Time to attack!****
Max recoiled. "It's going to attack!"
"NO!" Plethdows cried. And then she jumped.
As the Beast's mystic blade fell, it slashed through Plethdows XP.
All of the File Explorer windows and browser tabs she had open suddenly closed.
Words appeared in front of him:
"It's now safe to turn off your Plethora."
"NO!" Max shouted in response. He activated his last power, the one that threatened to drain his entire ManaCube.
"Salvatrix Maximus!"
A beam of light split through Rothlor. The Hidden Stone fell and landed near Plethdows.
"Plethdows! Come on, come on! Boot up!" Max kept stabbing at the little power button on her pixie chest.
And then, suddenly, her eyes opened.
"Max?"
"Plethdows! Thank the Maker you're all right!"
"Max… the Hidden Stone… I think it's working…"
Her young, pixie body was now expanding. Her cherry blossoms of breasts were swelling into lovely, woman-sized growths, ripe melons in a field baptized with moisture. Her hair expanded into cascading chestnut waterfalls over her slender, pale shoulders. Her robes, once draped loosely around her, now stretched to contain the hips that threatened to burst the seams of the fabric.
She was no longer a pixie.
She was human again.
"Max, Plethdows XP is…"
"No," Max said, a tear in his eye. "You're not Plethdows XP anymore."
"I'm not?"
"You're Plethdows Vista now."
And then they kissed.
"I know we were already bound for life," Max said, "but I want to make it official." He forged the fallen Rothlor's mystic blade into a ring.
"A… wedding ring?" Plethdows Vista gasped.
"Yes," Max said. "I need you by my side. Forever."
He slid it onto her finger. Instead of a diamond, he had used the core of the Hidden Stone that had saved not just her, but him as well.
"I guess that means this is our honeymoon," Max said.
Plethdows Vista's face went red.
"How about we watch a movie first, though?"
One of the few things he had managed to take with him from Earth upon his transmigration was his portable DVD player and a few copies of what on Earth had been considered the best written stories.
Plethdows Vista sighed. "Those are considered the best stories from Earth? They were all childish and full of plot holes, ass pulls, and inconsistent worldbuilding. I wish you could write us a better, more mature story."
"More mature story? I'd rather put that into action than words," he said, his lust-dripping tone leaving no doubt about what he was referring to.
Plethdows Vista giggled and swatted at his shoulder. "You pervert! I meant…"
"Oh, Plethdows Vista? So you're telling me if I were to open up your browser history on PlethSoft Interworld Explorer, I wouldn't find anything objectionable?"
Plethdows Vista blushed even harder.
"Please don't," she said.
"I heard that hot, passionate sex is a great way of saying 'please,'" Max said.
And then they did, well, you know, all night long.
I was trying not to get emotional from the story. I glanced over at Melanie.
Here's something I've noticed—people get more beautiful when they read things you ask them to, don't they?