Five Years Ago, Casey
Once Leanna is sure no one else is in the bathroom, she turns to face me. Her brows are furrowed with confusion.
"Were you alone?" she asks. Still suspicious.
It's such a simple question. But something about the way she says it makes my stomach twist.
"Yes," I say quickly. "Why are you asking that?"
"Why did you close the door then?"
I hesitate, only for a second.
"I think it locked by itself. My stomach was… I wasn't feeling well. It hit me all of a sudden and I— I had an issue in there." I gesture vaguely toward the stall, hoping the discomfort in my voice sells the lie. "I don't want to get into it."
She watches me. I can't tell what she's thinking.
"I heard you banging on the door, and I wondered why you couldn't get in, so I forced myself to open it." I continue.
"You sure?" she asks again, quieter this time, but firmer.
I nod, forcing a small, pained smile. "Yeah. I really don't feel good. I think I need to get back to the dorm. Lie down or something."
"Okay," she says slowly. "We're done anyway. I already paid, so we can just go."
Trying to redirect the conversation and cover my tracks further, I ask casually,
"Aren't you going to go back and talk to Caesar?"
Her expression changes instantly. It's subtle but obvious. That little flicker,
"He left right after you went to the bathroom," she says. Her voice is flat. Neutral. But her face isn't.
"Oh," I murmured, keeping my features still. "Okay."
I don't push. I don't ask more. I've said enough.
We walk out together, but my mind is racing. As we head back to the dorms, I hold my stomach, still playing up the fake illness.
Because I can feel it—there's something with Leanna. She's either suspicious or she knows something. I don't know which, and it terrifies me.
But I do know one thing: going forward, as long as she doesn't see me with Caesar, as long as I don't talk to him again, this will all fade away.
It'll die on its own. And I won't have to do anything.
I just have to make sure I never see Caesar again.
~~~~
I should have known that sleeping with Cesar under those circumstances was going to be the biggest mistake of my life. And I should have known that it wouldn't just lead to the next few days leading to awkwardness between my roommate and me, leading to all the issues I had to fight with through by myself.
But then, a few weeks later, I started getting feverish, I couldn't keep anything down, and I had morning sickness. At first, it was just headaches, and they started slowly until they escalated. In fact, I was just drinking the countertop medicine until Leanna forced me to go to the hospital and check it out.
She insisted on going with me to the hospital, but I refused her. After I had gotten sick, we started getting closer again, but she had an exam, and I didn't think it was a big deal. So I convinced her I was going to be okay going to the hospital by myself.
After seeing the doctor and taking samples, blood samples, urine samples, and whatever they asked for, I sat there in the waiting area and waited for the doctors to ask me in.
I got in, I didn't know what I was expecting, maybe the doctor to tell me, I ate something bad or something else. I don't know what I was expecting the doctor to tell me, but what I was told was not even on the top ten list of what I expected the doctor was going to tell me.
The doctor looked at me with a kind of practised calm, like he'd had to deliver this kind of news a hundred times before. Maybe he had. But nothing in his demeanour could soften the blow of the words he said next.
"Casey," he began, his eyes flicking from the clipboard in his hands to my face, "you're pregnant."
I blinked. I blinked again.
The room suddenly felt smaller. My heartbeat thundered in my ears.
"I'm what?"
"Pregnant," he repeated, gently this time. "Approximately six weeks along."
I opened my mouth, but no sound came out.
Six weeks. That night.
Cesar.
My stomach turned again, but this time not from nausea. From fear. From disbelief. From panic.
"There has to be a mistake," I said. "Are you sure?"
"We ran both the urine and blood tests. There's no mistake."
I sat there frozen, gripping the edge of the chair so hard my knuckles turned white. My mind was spiralling — memories flashing. His face. His words. The window.
And now… this? I think I am going to puke.
The doctor was saying something else now, something about options, about vitamins, about scheduling an ultrasound, but I wasn't hearing any of it. I was stuck. I was pregnant.
With Cesar Blackwell's baby.
Oh God, what have I done? What am I gonna do?
I was freaking out. I was just in my first year at university.
I was going to... This was just my first year and I ended up messing it up. Got pregnant, just like my mom did when she was in high school.
This was bad. This was really bad.
What am I gonna do?
These were all thoughts in my head as I kept shaking my head. And the doctor must have seen my predicament. He must have seen the struggle in my face, in my eyes, in my reactions there.
He leaned forward gently, his voice calm but firm. "You're not the first girl to go through this. And you won't be the last. But you need to think clearly right now."
Think clearly? How could I think clearly? My whole body felt like it was on fire like my heart had cracked open. I didn't say anything. I just sat there, staring at the floor, blinking rapidly to fight off the tears that were threatening to fall.
"I know this is overwhelming," he continued, "but we're here to help you. You have options, and you don't have to figure this out alone."
But that was the thing. I was alone. Nobody could fix this for me. Not the doctor. Not even Cesar. He didn't even know. He didn't even deserve to know. Or did he?
I don't know. I just sat there, breathing unevenly, my hands clenched into fists on my lap. The doctor handed me a small glass of water and I took it with trembling hands.
"Take your time," he said softly. "You don't need to make any decisions today."
But the clock was already ticking.
I knew it served me just right for my mistakes. For the one time, I decided to take a chance and try to be a bad girl. The first time in my life that I actually wanted to act out on myself, on my desires, on what I want. And this is what the world slapped me with.
How would I even tell my mom?
These were the thoughts in my head as I was leaving the hospital. I went outside and just sat on the bench, having no idea what to do. And then it got to me.
Asher. He deserves to know. He should know. I should tell him. He's the father after all.
I took my phone to call him and then remembered. I didn't even have his phone number. But I had to tell him. He was also responsible for this. We had to find a way. Maybe he will have something good to say about all of this.
I lied to myself.
I know I didn't look good because of what I had gone through these last few weeks. Because of what I've just heard. My eyes were probably red and puffy, but I knew that I wanted him to know—Asher.
I asked around for his number. I couldn't exactly call Leanna and ask her for his phone number. I asked around, I got his number and I called him.
He picked up on the third ring.
"Yes, hello, who's this? I'm kind of busy right now." His voice was clipped.
"Cesar?" I said to the phone and then gathered myself.
"Cesar, this is Casey. I don't know if you remember me—"
And then I heard the soft click of the phone.
Cesar had hung up the phone on me.
Okay. Maybe I shouldn't have been freaking out. Seeing how things ended between him and me the last time we met. In the bathroom.
He was probably still mad. But this was bigger than whatever pride he had.
I then decided to ask around for his address. Thinking that if I went to see him personally and told him… maybe it would have a better effect.