"Yes, Lisa, take it off—but keep it in mind. We can go big with this."
Haunted by those words, I lay awake most nights. For months, I couldn't dream or find comfort in my pillows. Nothing changed because those words were difficult for me to understand. I wasn't emotionally strong—I felt like a balloon about to burst because my body kept expanding. I was powerless to stop it. I thought people would ask questions, especially at college, which made me dread whenever I attended my classes, but no one cared. They stared blankly until the sixth month when it was obvious enough that even the blind could see my silent suffering. I had no choice. My habitual deeds caught up with me. They forced me from youth to adulthood. I needed to act, not just weep alone.
Every time I dialed his number, it never went through, and he never cared to call me. I knew it shocked us both, but he should've faced it with me instead of leaving me stranded. If fear didn't rule me, I would've ended it at once before it grew inside my body, but my adrenaline didn't kick in that much. Every time I considered ending the pregnancy, my body trembled. I thought I was going to die and leave my name bouncing on the lips of gossipers. I wouldn't have let it happen because people wouldn't have stopped judging even if I died.
Anyway, my patience was nearly gone because that night, I had a sweet dream that made me overcome my fears. The dream made me smile and gave me the courage to welcome my fate despite its nature. In the dream, he touched me tenderly, and I kissed him deeply. He softly teased my stomach with his lips. I couldn't take any more as I sighed in pleasure, pushing his head down to my pelvis and caressing his shoulders. I wouldn't lie; the night was sweet, but the morning flooded me with questions and memories. Each question made me go mad but opened my mind. The memories made me crave his touch once more.
I grabbed my phone from under my pillow and dialed his number. I waited for the signal to connect. In seconds, I was in the zone of voice mails. It wasn't new to me. He'd only spoken to me when I told him I was pregnant before he vanished like a ghost. Frustration burned through me. He wasn't supposed to do that because he was creating another boring morning of tiresome thoughts in my head. Worse, it was on a weekend, a period I used to enjoy like the world was ending. However, by then, my weekends were changed. I didn't care about their nature as long as I isolated myself from other students. My friends were the only ones who constantly checked up on me.
Since I wasn't going to college that morning, I forced myself to put the blankets aside and tried to get out of bed. It felt harsh to be out of the blankets, so I stayed within them. It was the coldest morning in winter. Sunyview City was the coldest in the Drazen region. Ice could glaze everything outside, making it treacherous to leave buildings after dark. The car accidents were common during the season because of slippery roads. The town mayor ended up declaring a Road Free Day every second week of each month during winter. His idea was to reduce car accidents, which were frequently accumulating yearly during the season. In such weeks, few taxis and emergency vehicles had permission to be on the road. People relied on trains as the mode of transport, and the roads were uncongested. Because of those restrictions, I didn't like winter despite the biting cold weather. I preferred spring, with its soft rains and cool breezes from the Rainbow Hills, where waterfalls crashed into rocky gorges and drew visitors every year.
Don't forget, I was still on my bed, trying to force myself to get up. Yet that time, I was busy biting my sharp nails. Thoughts were looping in my head, but my phone woke me up as the alarm rang next to me. I stopped it and picked up my gown from the carpet. I yanked on the gown as goosebumps prickled my skin. The cold forced me to reset the room temperature on the wall thermostat. After that, I went to look outside through the window. The sun hid shyly behind the clouds. By that, I knew it was going to snow. For a minute, I stood at the window, watching people already crowded on the streets. They were on their way to catch the trains, and the two-way road was free from traffic congestion. I sighed, then smiled briefly, remembering the decision I had to make. I wanted answers from him. I was going to force them out of his lips in person and relieve myself from worry.
To begin my morning, I took a warm bath. After that, my makeup table looked like a war zone. I had spilled coffee, so it seeped into powders. The eyelashes were stuck to wet brushes—at least I had spilled it after beautifying myself. Drinking a warm coffee had become my ritual. I couldn't be lively in a day without warming myself with it. I started doing it after I gave up on smoking.
After dressing in my knee-length orange dress, which fit perfectly with my figure and a fluffy white jacket, I shoved his bank card, my phone, money, and lipstick tube into my purse. My silver watch matched my favorite necklace. I liked that necklace because it was his first gift to me. I took the elevator key card before forgetting it, and in no time, the elevator descended with me. The taxi driver was already outside the hotel. I could tell I kept him waiting for too long, judging by the long stare he had at his wristwatch.
I carefully descended the hotel stairs. The taxi driver took my hand at my last step. Without wasting a moment, he took me to the trains. From there, I was going to have a long journey to Drazen Central. I called Viola to alert her about my journey. She was my best friend, and I shared everything with her. She wished me a safe journey and told me to be careful.